Still working on the music.
DANCING WITH GHOSTS
I’m dancing in the dark but no one can see
just who it is that is dancing with me
I should be dreaming but I’m awake
I’m dancing with memories I can’t escape
just a simple two step, who leads, who follows
when yesterday is gone and there is no tomorrow
the rhythm is slow much like a heartbeat
the melody is haunting, somber and bittersweet
So I dance, dance, dance with ghosts
I dance with the one I loved the most
I dance, dance, dance with my fears
And I’ll dance till it brings an end to the tears
dancing with ghosts late at night
no one to watch this haunting sight
in the darkness who knows what we see
lost in the shadows of distant memories
I dance the macabre, I’m not alone
the ghosts are real, I hear them moan
but when there’s silence I hear your name
now that you’re gone nothing’s the same
So I dance, dance, dance with ghosts
I dance with the one I loved the most
I dance, dance, dance with my fears
And I’ll dance till it brings an end to the tears
I’ll dance till it brings an end to the tears
Hi Neil,
this is good :D. I do think you could drop this verse though
dancing with ghosts late at night
no one to watch this haunting sight
in the darkness who knows what we see
lost in the shadows of distant memories
The first half is pretty much a repeat of V1 and the last half doesn't really add much.
Look forward to hearing it.
cheers
Paul
It looks good Neil.
I'm not sure what you have in mind for music but when I read it, I heard a soft ballad in my head. Possibility an opera.
"In what, twisted universe does mastering Eddie Van Halen's two handed arpeggio technique count as ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?!" - Dr Gregory House
Hi Neil,
Good start.
I like this:
I should be dreaming but I’m awake
I’m dancing with memories I can’t escape
I'm not sure v2 is needed because you are talking about the music, but when it's a song, the listener will be hearing the music; you won't need to tell them
"the rhythm is slow much like a heartbeat
the melody is haunting, somber and bittersweet"
"I’m dancing in the dark but no one can see"....this is a bit awkward b/c no one sees in the dark already.
Also, you have some contradictions as to who the singee is, or who the singer is dancing with......
memories, ghosts (plural), the ONE I love the most, my fears.....It's confusing
the ghosts are real, I hear them moan.....dancing with ghosts or listening to?
but when there’s silence I hear your name
now that "you’re gone" nothing’s the same....that person is a ghost, too. How do you know it's not the singee moaning since he/she is also a ghost?
Take or toss as you see fit. :wink:
Thanks for sharing.
James
Hi Neil
Nice work here. The only suggestion I'd make in addition to the others is to go a step further with specifics in this line:
just a simple two step, who leads, who follows
If we're talking about the ghost of a loved one (as it certainly sounds like we are), then there's no need to be ambiguous here. You might go with:
just a simple two step, I'll lead and you'll follow
And if you want to get ambiguous, you can simply repeat the line (or even the whole verse) later and swap the pronouns:
just a simple two step, you lead and I'll follow
Looking forward to hearing this with music one day.
Peace
