Y12W13 The Crossing
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12660251
=====Revised Version=====
The crossing’s where the bargaining starts
How much silver fills an empty heart
The crossing’s where the deal is made
With a bitten lip and lowered gaze
The crossing’s where the wrong scene’s right
A kiss in the garden in the middle of the night
The crossing’s where a man’s betrayed
The innocent die; the guilty paid
Chorus 1
Where will the crossing lead?
Where will the crossing lead?
Where will it take you and me?
Where will the crossing lead?
The crossing’s where your collar feels tight
You give back the money, you give up the fight
The crossing’s where you hang from a tree
But crossing over won’t set you free
Chorus 2
Where did the crossing lead?
Where did the crossing lead?
Where did it take you and me?
Where did the crossing lead?
repeat chorus 2
=====Original Version=====
The Crossing (The Ballad of Judas)
The crossing’s where the bargaining starts
How much silver fills an empty heart
The crossing’s where a deal is made
With a bitten lip and lowered gaze
The crossing’s where the wrong seems right
A kiss in the garden in the middle of the night
The crossing’s where a man’s betrayed
The innocent die; the guilty paid
Chorus
Where will the crossing lead?
Where will the crossing lead?
Where will it take you and me?
Where will the crossing lead?
The crossing’s where your collar feels tight
You give back the money, you give up the fight
The crossing’s where you hang from a tree
But crossing over won’t mean you’re free
chorus
Dammit, James, I'm going to have to bill you for a new Thesaurus...I seem to have run out of superlatives!
Actually I do have one tiny quibble....at first glance, the chorus seemed a little remote, a little disconnected from the rest of the song, but after one listen, I changed my mind. No, it's the title - drop the part in brackets would be my suggestion, it's unnecessary and unsubtle. I like it when I have to THINK what a writer's getting at - and your lyrics are clear enough (and clearly sung, too!) to be self-explanatory. As it stands, I didn't get that "oh yeah!" moment when I read the lyrics and heard the song for the first time...you'd done the hard work for me!
Congrats on another great song. Sheesh, written, arranged and recorded in less than 6 hours? Slow down, will ya, you're making the rest of us look bad! Second thoughts, no, DON'T slow down...keep 'em coming. You're setting a high standard for the rest of us, and that's a GOOD thing!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Definitely another keeper.
I don't share Vic's concern about the chorus, but it give make more of a narrative pull by making the second time through in the past tense ("where did the crossing lead?"). I'd also suggest swapping the "a" in "a deal" (third line of the first verse) for "the" since you've already set the scene powerfully by being specific.
Neither here nor there but when I listened, I misheard the first line of the second verse (I try not to read the lyrics on the first listen since most people hearing in an audience situation are usually going to be in the same circumstances) as "The crossing's where the wrong scene's right" and I thought that was pretty clever. Not that I don't like the original.
Great way to start out the week. As always, looking forward to hearing more.
Peace
Hi Vic and David,
I incorporated most of your suggestions into the revised version.
Thanks for the critique!
James
Glad to help, James, it's gone from "great song" status to "almost perfect." There's no such thing as the perfect song*....but don't let that stop you. Or anyone else.
I'm already liking this almost as much as "One by One"......and that's the best song EVER to come out of the SSG, in my humble opinion. https://www.guitarnoise.com/blog/spotlight-on-ssg-august-2011/ - for those who haven't heard it.
:-) :-) :-)
Vic
*I lied....we all have our opinions on the perfect song, mine would be....ah, no, I haven't written it yet! Still trying, though.....aren't we all!
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
it's gone from "great song" status to "almost perfect."
Oh Vic, what a tease! :twisted: :lol:
I'm already liking this almost as much as "One by One"......and that's the best song EVER to come out of the SSG, in my humble opinion. https://www.guitarnoise.com/blog/spotlig ... gust-2011/ - for those who haven't heard it.
Well, that's fine company to be in for sure :wink:
Thanks for coming back for another listen and post :D
James
I think...no, I KNOW...this one'll be bookmarked and it'll be on my playlist for a long time. thanks for sharing, James...
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hi James,
very nice :D. I'm going to disagree with David here, I think the original "seams right" is far better. To me "scenes right" although it is clever is not as subtle as "seams right". I think from Judas's perspective at that time and place he felt it seamed like the right thing to do. It seams to me (pun intended :roll:) that "seams right" gives us insight into our subject wheras "scenes right" is more detached.
Nice recording too.
cheers
Paul
Hi Paul,
To me "scenes right" although it is clever is not as subtle as "seams right". I
That's fair to say....and if someone were to pay me to change it one way or the other; I'd take the money :wink: but I'll leave it as is for now.
Maybe someday the song will make it onto one of those world's most misheard lyrics lists.
http://www.kissthisguy.com/funny.php
:lol:
Thanks for the listen and post :D
James
I like the subtlety of your imagery as it wasn't completely obvious who you were righting about but I eventually got it. Props to the imperfect rhymes in the first verse. They can be hard to pull off.
"In what, twisted universe does mastering Eddie Van Halen's two handed arpeggio technique count as ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?!" - Dr Gregory House
Hi GrungeSunset,
Thanks for the listen and post :D
James
