Straight until she broke
V:Her shirts were always crisp and clean
She had perfect hair from a magazine
The rules were made for her to obey
She did what she was told in everyway
She lost her job and apartment too
She kept on smiling as if she knew
That all she had to go and do
Was be normal and end the blues
The blues stayed and she remained
Caught in someone elses game
Trying to gain wealth and fame
By remaining completely the same
Til one morning when she awoke to find
That she didn't know the day or time
Her hair a mess, her life incomplete
She wore her old Pixies shirt out into the street
Now she lives the way she dances
To her own drummer she prances
Making her own rules is the way she lives
Instead of the rat race, now she gives
Interesting story. Have you got a melody in mind?
Good start :D
Suggestions:
V:Her shirts were always crisp and clean...what kind of shirts? blouses
She had perfect hair from a magazine
The rules were EASY for her to obey
She did what she was told in everyway
She lost her job and apartment too
She kept on smiling as if she knew
That all she had to go and do
Was be normal and end the blues...These 3 lines are really one sentence try to make separate sentences or consolidate the thought b/c it won't match up musically like this the same way v1 will
The blues stayed and she remained
Caught in someone elses game....could be clearer....who's game?
Trying to gain wealth and fame
By remaining completely the same....same as she was when fired? same as others?...clarify a bit
Til one morning when she awoke to find
That she didn't know the day or time....here again 1 sentence split
Her hair a mess, her life incomplete...good
She wore her old Pixies shirt out into the street...good nice concrete detail
Now she lives the way she dances
To her own drummer she prances....this line is twisted for rhyme's sake
Making her own rules is the way she lives
Instead of the rat race, now she gives....could be clearer....rat race isn't seen as "taking" to contrast "give".....and gives what?
Thanks for sharing.
James
Thanks again for the suggestions.
I know it's sometimes okay for one line to run into the other (enjambment), but I guess it would have to be if there wasn't really much of a break between any of the lines in the song?
I know it's sometimes okay for one line to run into the other (enjambment), but I guess it would have to be if there wasn't really much of a break between any of the lines in the song?
I had to look up "enjambment" :P but yes, that's the right term. I noticed it's a poetry term, so the difference would be, in songs, one "rule" is the musical phrase and lyric phrase should match; unless you are going for a specific effect....but "rules" can be used to fit your purpose, not the other way around, so take or leave what works for you.
