Notifications

Clear all

Y12W38 Did He Mention?

Sunday Songwriters Group

Last Post by jamestoffee 10 years ago

8 Posts

4 Users

0 Likes

2,229 Views

RSS

jamestoffee

(@jamestoffee)

Famed Member

Joined: 15 years ago

Posts: 2855

Topic starter 20/07/2014 12:10 pm

Y12W38 Did He Mention? (To be sung by a woman)

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12861752

=====Revised Version 2=====

Did he mention you look stunning with that black dress on?
Did he mention saying your name was the sweetest of songs?
Did he mention you complete him as you danced in his arms?
Cause he never mentioned you to me

Did he mention you're the spotlight in the crowded room?
Did he mention he needs you like the tides need the moon?
Did he mention how he loved you bending down on one knee?
Cause he never mentioned you to me

solo

Did he mention he couldn’t live if I ever caught him cheat?
Cause he never mentioned you to me
No, he never mentioned you to me

=====Revised Version 1=====

Did he mention he only has eyes for you?
Did he mention he needs you like the tides need the moon?
Did he mention how he loved you bending down on one knee?
Cause he never mentioned you to me

solo

Did he mention he couldn’t live if I ever caught him cheat?
Cause he never mentioned you to me
No, he never mentioned you to me

=====Original Version=====
Did he mention you look stunning with that black dress on?
Did he mention saying your name was the sweetest of songs?
Did he mention you complete him as you danced in his arms?
Cause he never mentioned you to me

Did he mention you’re the only one he sees when you’re in the room?
Did he mention that he needs you like the tides need the moon?
Did he mention how he loved you bending down on one knee?
Cause he never mentioned you to me

solo

Did he mention he couldn't live if I ever caught him cheat?
Cause he never mentioned you to me
No, he never mentioned you to me

Quote

John Sargent

(@john-sargent)

Noble Member

Joined: 14 years ago

Posts: 946

21/07/2014 1:56 pm

I like both versions. "Only has eyes for you" is a cliché but what the H....
Cliche's happen

ReplyQuote

jamestoffee

(@jamestoffee)

Famed Member

Joined: 15 years ago

Posts: 2855

Topic starter 21/07/2014 2:07 pm

Hi John,
Cliche's happen
Agreed.

The other line....
you’re the only one he sees when you’re in the room......

was a mouthful to sing and meant the same thing as the cliche, so I was going for simple since the mouthful line didn't add any twist or new insight and the cliche was easier to sing.

...but I could still be swayed to swap the lines if they aren't working at some point.

Thanks for the listen and feedback :D

James

ReplyQuote

pbee

(@pbee)

Noble Member

Joined: 19 years ago

Posts: 2096

21/07/2014 8:49 pm

Hi James

I think the cliche works perfectly in the context of the situation. Sounds like the kind of line this guy would likely come out with.
Good work James

Paul

Check out my Reverbnation page here

ReplyQuote

jamestoffee

(@jamestoffee)

Famed Member

Joined: 15 years ago

Posts: 2855

Topic starter 21/07/2014 11:51 pm

Hi Paul,
I think the cliche works perfectly in the context of the situation.

That's what I was thinking too.

Thanks for the listen and feedback :D

James

ReplyQuote

Hobson

(@hobson)

Noble Member

Joined: 15 years ago

Posts: 794

22/07/2014 5:09 pm

James, if you decide that you don't like the cliche, how about this:

Did he mention that he only looks at you

Did he mention that his eyes only look at you

Renee

ReplyQuote

jamestoffee

(@jamestoffee)

Famed Member

Joined: 15 years ago

Posts: 2855

Topic starter 22/07/2014 11:55 pm

Hi Renee,

Thanks for the suggestions. Another line that might be too far of a stretch could be:

Did he mention he's the dish and you're the silver spoon.

ReplyQuote

jamestoffee

(@jamestoffee)

Famed Member

Joined: 15 years ago

Posts: 2855

Topic starter 27/07/2014 12:03 pm

Poof another attempt at fixing the cliche :mrgreen:
Did he mention you're the spotlight in the crowded room?

ReplyQuote