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Y12W43 Lost and Found


(@jamestoffee)
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Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 2852
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Y12W43 Lost and Found

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12895805

=====Revised Version=====

It’s the end of a day for the prisoners of war
Sunburned, blistered, hungry and sore
A Japanese guard stops everyone
A shovel’s gone missing; the interrogation’s begun

The guard demands confession for the heinous crime
He cocks his rifle; they’re all going to die
Stiffly at attention in the jungle heat
‘Til one brave soldier steps forward and speaks

Lost and found
Lost and found
What was lost will be found

The guard starts the beating; the soldier’s face is bleeding
No words are spoken; there’s no bother pleading
His skull splits open; he’s clearly dead
But the guard doesn’t stop ‘til he’s out of breath

Back at the guard house the men are astounded
No shovels are missing a guard had miscounted
Their hope in humanity returned that night
An innocent man made the ultimate sacrifice

Lost and found
Lost and found
What was lost is found

=====Original Version=====
It’s the end of a day for the prisoners of war
Sunburned, blistered, hungry and sore
A Japanese guard stops everyone
A shovel’s gone missing; the interrogation’s begun

The guard demands confession for the heinous crime
He cocks his rifle; they’re all going to die
Stiffly at attention in the jungle heat
‘Til one brave soldier steps forward and speaks

Lost and found
Lost and found
What was lost will be found

The guard starts the beating; the soldier’s face is bleeding
No words are spoken; there’s no bother pleading
His skull splits open; he’s clearly dead
But the guard doesn’t stop ‘til he’s out of breath

Back at the guard house the men are astounded
No shovels are missing a guard had miscounted
An innocent man made a sacrifice
He gave the other soldiers hope for their lives

Lost and found
Lost and found
What was lost is found


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(@davidhodge)
Member Moderator
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 4485
 

Good morning / evening, James

Nice work here - story is spare and poignant. The music creates a compelling mood (especially like the harmonies on the choruses) that drives the narrative.

Any particular reason why the last stanza is totally in past tense while the rest of the song is in present tense? In the first two lines you could easily mix the two:

Back at the guard house the men are astounded
No shovels are missing a guard had miscounted
An innocent man made a sacrifice
He gave the other soldiers hope for their lives

Looking forward, as always, to more.

Peace


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(@jamestoffee)
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Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 2852
Topic starter  

Hi David,
Any particular reason why the last stanza is totally in past tense while the rest of the song is in present tense?

I was using the present tense to bring the listener into the story more and figured the climax was the death, but really the revealing of the miscount is the crux of the story......

.....I like the flow with your suggestion better.....thanks!.....**POOF**** present tense

By the way, this one is a true story if anyone is interested.

Miracle on the River Kwai pgs 88-89
ISBN 978-0006232650

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ernest_Gordon

Thanks for the listen and post :D

James


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 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 2097
 

Hi James,

nice work here, the story progresses well and you choice of music fits. The only thing that piques me are these 2 lines:
An innocent man made a sacrifice
He gave the other soldiers hope for their lives

I'm not sure why his sacrifice gives them hope for their lives. Hope for humanity maybe.

cheers
Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


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(@jamestoffee)
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Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 2852
Topic starter  

Hi Paul,
I'm not sure why his sacrifice gives them hope for their lives. Hope for humanity maybe.

You've got the right idea....maybe the wording is a bit off.....the lost and found is the hope for their own humanity.....

how about.....his sacrifice gives them hope IN their lives

or..... his sacrifice RESTORES hope IN their lives

or..... his sacrifice RESTORES the hope IN their lives

or.......his sacrifice RESTORES the hope IN their eyes


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 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 2097
 

Maybe something like this, its not quite right but close
His selfless giving his innocent life
Gives hope for humanity through sacrifice

just turning it on its head. Actually there's a biblical overtone in there I think.


Check out my Reverbnation page here


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(@jamestoffee)
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Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 2852
Topic starter  

POOF Changes made

Their hope in humanity returned that night
An innocent man made the ultimate sacrifice


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 pbee
(@pbee)
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Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 2097
 

Works for me :D


Check out my Reverbnation page here


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(@jamestoffee)
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Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 2852
Topic starter  

Thanks for the feedback


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(@john-sargent)
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Joined: 12 years ago
Posts: 948
 

Interesting story and well done song


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(@jamestoffee)
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Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 2852
Topic starter  

Thanks, John!


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