I started to use the "Anytime" line for the title, but it evolved. Close enough for a musician/songwriter.
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=12914286
verse:
Whenever you read this
I'll be gone.
Don't bother to reply.
If ever you wonder
What went wrong,
I hope you look inside.
chorus:
Whenever,
If ever
You think of me sometimes,
Whenever,
If ever,
Remember your crimes.
verse:
I thought you really
Got me.
I opened up my soul.
And you left it
Empty.
I need to make it whole.
instrumental interlude
chorus
verse:
Whenever you find
Anything
That reminds you of me.
Just save it for
Your next senseless fling
And make new memories.
chorus
Renee
Hi Renee,
Good start :D I like the sparse lyrics.
I like the music, but.....
Suggestions:
The music and message don't seem to fit. The music is wistful and a bit dreamy; maybe melancholy but should be much more so....maybe even angst and anger....it's in the lyrics, not the music.....but again it is nice music for another set of lyrics.
Consider expanding on the idea of a thief/trickster/con-artist....he "stole" something from her soul...that seems to be the main crime, but it could be enhanced with concrete details and related words to a crime.
Also, check a bit of the continuity between v1 and v3. In v1 the singer leaves the singee, but in v3 it seems the singee left the singer "your next fling"....maybe not, but it seems the person having flings would be the one leaving.....disregard if that doesn't make sense.
Thanks for sharing.
James
James, takes for taking the time to comment. I see your point about the music not fitting the mood of the lyrics. I confess that the music came to me first and I didn't spend a lot of time on the words.
I don't see a disconnect between v1 and v3. V3 needs some work, but the intent was that the two people have been together a long time and the singer leaves when she realizes that it really didn't mean anything to the singee. "Fling" is probably not the best choice of words, since it implies something of short duration.
Renee
I confess that the music came to me first and I didn't spend a lot of time on the words.
Kudos for getting something down....now you have something to work with or learn from to apply to other songs. :D
the two people have been together a long time "Fling" is probably not the best choice of words, since it implies something of short duration.
Right....you already said it here....this is what I meant about a disconnect (long term vs short term relationships)...well then again I just reread verse 1. What I was trying to say was the one with the "fling" mindset would leave the committed partner.
