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Y13,W17..The Valentine Card That Never Arrived

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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 10264
Topic starter  

:D :D :D It's been a while.....

Roses are red they say, violets are blue,
I sent you a card like lovers do,
I wrote you a poem of my love for you,
It was over the top but I hoped it'd get through...

But you never acknowledged with a word or a smile,
That you ever received it and my hopes died,
Did you ever get that card at all,
Or did that Valentine card never arrive?

I got your number from a friend of yours,
I thought I'd phone you, open some doors,
Started to dial, then I got cold feet,
Shaking and trembling in my seat...

Nobody answered, nobody replied
The phone rangand rang as my hopes died,
Years later I saw your wedding and cried,
Over the Valentine card that never arrived....

:) :) :)

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

Hi Vic,

Good start on this one :D Nice and clear story/idea and supports the title well.

Suggestions:

I think your v3 could be your v1

I got your number from a friend of yours,
I thought I'd phone you, open some doors,
Started to dial, then I got cold feet,
Shaking and trembling in my seat...

Roses are red they say, violets are blue,
I sent you a card like lovers do,
I wrote you a poem of my love for you,
It was over the top but I hoped it'd get through...

But you never acknowledged with a word or a smile,
That you ever received it and my hopes died,
Did you ever get that card at all,
Or did that Valentine card never arrive?

Nobody answered, nobody replied
The POST NEVER CAME as my hopes died,
Years later I saw your wedding and cried,
Over the Valentine card that never arrived....

That sets it up that he was afraid to call and opted to write, but the letter was never received...with a slight change in the last verse

....Also consider reworking end rhymes to match other verses unless it sound fine as is when sung.

Thanks for sharing. :D

James


   
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