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Y13W32 Lifesavers and Lollipops

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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2855
Topic starter  

Y13W32 Lifesavers and Lollipops

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13141046

=====Revised Version (not yet recorded)=====

Mamma said to understand
Life’s like shelves of candy
When a boy becomes a man
This advice is handy

Cherry lips on lolly smiles
Tight sweaters drive boys wild
Love’s a treat to be savored
Be on your best behavior

Chorus
Lifesavers and Lollipops
One will take you for all you’ve got
Lifesavers and Lollipops
One will love you when you tie the knot
Lifesavers and Lollipops
Lifesavers and Lollipops

When you go to the mall
One’s wrapped in sweet pants and twist tops
Lollipops are just players
Offering party favors

When you go to the office
Don’t be a diabetic novice
She unwraps in her low cut dress
Yeah she’ll make you life a sticky mess

chorus

solo

Before you walk down the aisle
Know the girl behind the smile
Leave a mystery to her flavor
Just know she’s a real Lifesaver

chorus

=====Original Version=====
Mamma said to understand
Life’s like shelves of candy
When a boy becomes a man
This advice is handy

Chorus
Lifesavers and Lollipops
One will take you for all you’ve got
Lifesavers and Lollipops
One will love you when you tie the knot
Lifesavers and Lollipops
Lifesavers and Lollipops

When you go to the mall
One’s dressed in sweat pants and tank tops
Lollipops are just players
Offering party favors

chorus

solo

Before you walk down the aisle
Know the girl behind the smile
Leave a mystery to her flavor
Just know she’s a real Lifesaver

chorus


   
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(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 553
 

Hi James,

First of all, this is a GREAT take on the assignment. Well done. I love the whole idea. A couple of thoughts . . . . . I'd like to see the song develop a little more gradually. At the very least, another verse added before the first chorus. Maybe a little bit more descriptive of flavors.

The verse
When you go to the mall
One’s dressed in sweat pants and tank tops
Lollipops are just players
Offering party favors

doesn't quite work for me as written. The idea is fine . . . . . but maybe changing the sweat pants and tank tops to something that's more in keeping with the theme . . . . . like wrappers . . . . . might work better.

All in all, well done.

Neil


   
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(@hobson)
Noble Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 794
 

Good development of the idea. Think about having two separate verses, one about lifesavers and the other about lollipops, instead of combining them in verse 2. Also, how about "wrapped in sweat pants" or "packaged in sweat pants" instead of dressed in sweatpants?

Renee


   
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(@hobson)
Noble Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 794
 

James, I just had another thought as I was driving home from the grocery store. (Why am I thinking about your song instead of my next one?)

The lollipop could be:

Wrapped up in herself and a low cut dress.

Renee


   
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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2855
Topic starter  

Hi Neil and Renee,

Thanks for the suggestions. They will improve the lyrics for sure. I'm on Day 1 back in the US so I've got to get over jet lag and do some travelling around, just checking in to show my appreciation for your listen and comments :D

James


   
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