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Y4week33 low tide

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straycat.
(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 1282
Topic starter  

Low tide

It has taken a few years
But now the water disappears

We've been swaying back and forth for so long
Daring each other to move on
Though we have never been the ones to stumble blindly forward
And demand a shuffling of cards

We used to say “at least we know our limitations”
But the water we weren't wading, only waiting in
Told us in its leave these fashionable boundaries
Built themselves from hallucinations and accusations
We were raised with

We've been swaying back and forth for so long
Daring each other to move on
And it has taken a few years for this stubborn lake to clear
But now we finally see the ground we're on

It is beautiful
These cracks are beautiful
No longer blackmailing our feet as heralds of horrors that await us down deep
Charming our sanity

argh... i dunno.... maybe i ought to leave out the whole "we used to say.." verse and the last two lines..... *sigh*.... it sucks
anyway...

cheers,
bluenightangel

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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BarnaBus RoX
(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2957
 

Hey BNa

you said "it sucks anyway..."

not true ..If I were going to leave anything out it probably be the bit I highlighed

It is beautiful
These cracks are beautiful
No longer blackmailing our feet as heralds of horrors that await us down deep
Charming our sanity

It may detract a little ( or alot from the verse )

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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lotto king
(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 777
 

Hello

I enjoyed the verse that starts with We used to say “at least we know our limitations”..

I'm just curious , and I am starting to think that in this piece and the other posted here that you maybe trying a little too hard to paint the image in our heads for us , Just alittle friendly advise that you can take or leave no offence meant mind you in my reply towards you .

Don't paint the full picture BNA leave a little for our imaginations , put the ideas in my head with some imagery and let me ( the reader ) get carried away with my visions .

Just my thoughts

Keep up your writting

L.K

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
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