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Y5week11 a month of sundays

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(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1282
Topic starter  

hey. late late... i know... i am busy studying because all my exams are coming up so fast... last week i had an idea and a few verses i liked but couldn't make it something whole and coherent. well.. here's my attempt for this week:

A Month of Sundays

You are the last glimpse
Of a sun that's setting
Something I know I should hold onto
Still you're slipping
Slipping
Like the sand through my fingers
That autumn day I tried for a castle
And failed
Failed
Like the day you left for the train
I had sworn not to lose my step
Closed my eyes for a second of rewind
And fell flat
Flat
Flat to the floor
Where I lay for a number of nights
Recording the shifts in the shades of light
Beneath my dead-beat body
Fairy tales in holes of wood
Where a branch once grew
Reaching up for the impossible sky
But losing breath
Like I lost my step

You who sit and sympathize

Give in to sleep
Hug a memory
The cushion is soft
A nightmare invited
Sleep well tonight.

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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(@sarah)
Eminent Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 26
 

I love these lines:
Where I lay for a number of nights
Recording the shifts in the shades of light
Beneath my dead-beat body
Fairy tales in holes of wood
Where a branch once grew
Reaching up for the impossible sky

Awesome imagery. Overall I like how it all flows together.

Question though: How does the "you" who is the setting sun tie in with the "you" who sits and sympathizes?


   
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(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1282
Topic starter  

hey:-)

glad you like it.

as for your question.. teh last bit beginning with "you who sit.." is supposed to be sung by someone else, it's not the same person as the one sitting there and thinking about yet another person (the first "you")....
was that understandable? ;-)

cheers,
straycat.

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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