hey... the title could use improvement and this is a late late late post, i know... anyways here goes.
Adults playing children's games
[Step on a crack
Break your lover's neck]
Step on a crack in a moment of distraction
Curse the birds for dropping dead against windows
That have only recently been closed
Step on a crack in a moment of distraction
And all the petals you tear from the buds
That child has, years ago, picked up
Years
Years
Of skeleton trees diving in spring
Step on a crack in a moment of distraction
And all the petals you tear
Will refuse to answer
You'll sit cross-legged and ill-faced till dawn
Dawn
Dawn
Creeps across the lawn
Step on a crack in a moment of distraction
And all the petals you tear
Till they're forced to answer
Won't bring the warmth back
Into the veins of the dead
[Jolene, I'm afraid]
You just stepped on a crack.
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Hi'a
Well this is a pretty "dark" song and as I don't know your style of music i am not qualified to comment on the lyrics, but you could called it
"Cracked" or "The Crack" as the word comes in very frequently, and as it is repetitive with the verses it is how it may be remembered
Go well
Ja'mir :wink:
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
This one looks pretty stark and minimalist, there's one part I don't get at all....
"Step on a crack in a moment of distraction
And all the petals you tear from the buds
That child has, years ago, picked up"
If you turn the last couple of phrases around -
"That child has picked up years ago," which is better grammatically, it still doesn't read well - you can't tear petals from buds that have already been torn off.....
Step on a crack in a moment of distraction
And all the petals you tear from the buds
Are already dead, like last years rose.....
might work a little better - keeps the superstitious theme going, and follows logically on from the first verse....
I like the idea behind the song - bad things are going to happen anyway, so why not blame someone else for a childish game....
Imagery's pretty good as usual....but I've got the feeling this would be really difficult to put music to.....seems to meander a little, and you've got lines of different length here, there and everywhere (sorry, I've been in a Beatles mood all day....) - it seems the song just needs a little tightening up, try and have a rhythm in your head while you're writing it down....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
hi.
"the crack".... hm.... sound pretty good, aye? :-)
vic, the part you mentioned... you got me wrong;-) i meant it like: as a child she used to pick flowers and that was the happy time, the time of wonders (like spring making trees bloom). now as an adult she tears the petals from those flowers(questions the past, questions her lover's affection, whatever)
... i dunno... that was what i had in mind..
the music... oh, well.... yes...
thank you both for your comments.
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
