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y5week47 jumble sale piano

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(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1282
Topic starter  

it's clumsy, I know.

Jumble sale piano

Today this is a house by the sea
Compose yourself on the windowsill
These frayed clouds will grow on you
Today this is a house by the sea

and finally your head is empty

For now voices are best kept low
On this wall behind you a tree grows
With each hope you write off
For now voices are best kept low

and finally you hear them all go

This night is best spent in darkness
Ghosts are charmed by your hunched back
As are the stars by the slow waves
This night is best spent in darkness

and finally you sit straight

Today this is a flat on the fifth floor
Your eyes still sting with disillusionment
But they are back in focus
Today this is a flat on the fifth floor

and finally you are waiting no more

cheers,
straycat.

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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(@drunkrock)
Estimable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 159
 

I like this piece. It sounds like like it would be a good dreamy, airy, sort of piece in the style of The Weakerthans, Cat Power or Tegan and Sara. With the right voice and instrumentation (big theremin possibilities I see), these lyrics could take off.

If only you could change up up "disillusionment" to something with few syllables, it will flow more smoothly in the final verse.


   
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(@chris-c)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 3454
 

Hi,

Terrific! When I first read it through only about 10% - 20% of it came across, and I had very little idea of what was going on. Second or or third time through and - zing! - I 'got it' - and it all fell into place and came to life. :) I even picked up the guitar and sang it through, over some rather haunting and somewhat mournful minor chords.

This would be interesting to write music for as it's not entirely downbeat and has some upbeat elements too. It would be a real challenge to get that balance between hope and despair, dreams and reality, the tension between aiming for contentment but often reaching too high or swinging too low. Because of the title, I was hearing some piano in this too, so maybe it could be done with two instruments - keyboard and guitar - with one taking a more optimisitic line, and the other the sadder side?? As DR said, theremin could be good too. Wish I was better at playing, I'd give it a go. Maybe in a year or two... :wink: I particularly liked the last verse, and the way I was singing it 'disillusionment' was fine, and it did seem a crucial part of the image and hard to replace. Great job. 8)

Cheers,

Chris


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

I had to read through this a couple or so times, too - kept wondering where it was leading, but the last verse pulled it all together nicely.....

Hmmm - I've got some spare chords floating around that might just suit this....I'll dash off a quick demo in the morning for you, Straycat, see what you think.....didn't work out too badly on "Chords of Doubt"......

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1282
Topic starter  

hey

just found out what a theremin is :D
i stumbled about "disillusionment", too.. and tried to replace it with "failure" or so.. that sounded nice but didn't quite mean what i wanted it to mean... ( glad chris reassured me of this :lol: )

chris, you can still give it a go, if you like:-) i mean, you're definitely better than i am at playing. your keyboard idea sounds great. i took out my old children's keyboard and fooled around a bit.. could lead to something :o

vic, i am so glad you're gonna try something with this. you know, i like your guitar skills :D
(by the way i just sent you a mail... have a look)
.. maybe your great guitar playing plus my foolish keyboard idea.... :wink:

thank you, everyone.
that's motivation.
cheers,
straycat.

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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