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Y6week50 don't blame me (kenrogers2,slowplay)

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(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1282
Topic starter  

Good morning :wink: I'm not too sure about this one.. also, I think what Kenrogers2 and SlowPlay submitted for a first verse was already a beautiful song in its own right.. so, if I screwed it up, reduce the song to the first two verses and don't blame me for trying to write this :wink:

Don't blame me (first line: Kenrogers2, first two verses: SlowPlay)

Don't blame me for how sharp your axe is
Don't blame me for death and taxes
Don't blame me for your feathers and waxes
Don't blame me for the time that passes

Don't blame me for the thorn that pricks you
Don't blame me for the phone you cling to
Don't blame me for the love you once knew
Don't blame me that you're living in an igloo

Cedars lean to the side as you pass them
Polar lights hiccup at five a.m.
Ravens at the back window laugh when
Your car dies in a place you condemn

Don't blame me for greedy technicians
Don't blame me for your heart condition
Don't blame me for fav'ring the ocean
Don't blame me for your lost ambitions

Don't blame me for endemic white lies
Don't blame me for seepin', seamless nights
Don't blame me for the cancelled flight, right
Don't blame me that he, too, said goodbye

Don't blame me for the storm you've went through
Don't blame me for nightmares you pursued
Don't blame me that you're living in an igloo
And I promise, sis, I won't blame you.

Alternatively, "for your crooked point of view" or "for letters overdue" instead of the nighmares and "that" or a name instead of "sis" :wink: ....re-reading it right now- better balance/structure if you take out the ocean verse, I think :roll:

Cheers,
straycat.

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2649
 

Hi Anne,

Nice Job! The only thing I might think of changing is the "igloo" line.
I realize that is SlowPlay's line and I should have mentioned it in his
thread. It just seems to stand out more here against the other lyrics
and your alternate lines would work so well.
Don't blame me for the thorn that pricks you
Don't blame me for the phone you cling to
Don't blame me for the love you once knew
Don't blame me that you're living in an igloo

Don't blame me for the thorn that pricks you
Don't blame me for the phone you cling to
Don't blame me "for your crooked point of view"
Don't blame me for the love you once knew

Don't blame me for the storm you've went through
Don't blame me for nightmares you pursued
Don't blame me that you're living in an igloo
And I promise, sis, I won't blame you.
Don't blame me for the storm you've went through
Don't blame me for nightmares you pursued
Don't blame me "for letters overdue"
And I promise, sis, I won't blame you.

I like the "sis" part. If I were performing this I might change it to "girl" but
it's the same idea.

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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 KR2
(@kr2)
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Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 2717
 

I like it.
If I played the bongo drum, I could see myself doing this song.

I'm flattered that you used my opening line.

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


   
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(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1282
Topic starter  

Thank you for your comment, John :D
The igloo line might stand out a little awkwardly, but I'm very fond of it and it was this line that made me want to try this particular verse(s) :D Maybe because I've been developing an affection for that kind of imagery since I first heard Damien Rice's "Eskimo Friend".... and since we got polar lights in these lyrics here, too, the igloo might be justified :wink:
Ultimately, however, it's SlowPlay's decision, I think :lol:

Cheers,
straycat.

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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 KR2
(@kr2)
Famed Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 2717
 

Things I would change if I wrote it:
Don't blame me for the time that passes
to
Don't blame me for not receiving your faxes
Cedars lean to the side as you pass them
Polar lights hiccup at five a.m.
Ravens at the back window laugh when
Your car dies in a place you condemn
to
Cedars lean to the side as you pass them
Polar lights shimmer at five in the morning
Ravens at the back window raucously laugh when
Your pampered car dies without any warning

Grammar wise, I think it's (I'm not a grammar major though - that's Vic's dept.)
Don't blame me for the storm you've went through
to
Don't blame me for the storm you went through
or
Don't blame me for the storm you've gone through
Anyway, cool as beans lyrics. (And you got those birds in there again.)

KR2

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


   
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(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1282
Topic starter  

Oh, of course, it's "have gone through" not "have went through"... :oops: ..... you can tell that I only had 5 hours of sleep last night :wink:

Like your suggestions, Ken. They wouldn't (in my understanding at least) conform with the other line lengths though- I tried to keep them all to the same number of syllables to go with SlowPlay's verses (and to increase teh chance that anyone might record this). And the polar lights shimmering is not quite the same as hiccupping. I wanted them to desert the person as well, to go wrong (disappear/be unreliable) like everything else.

We have to see what SlowPlay thinks :D
Glad you like what we did to your line :lol:
Cheers,
straycat.

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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(@slowplay)
Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 420
 

Great work Straycat. It's amazing to see where the lines/verses have gone as they've passed from person to person.

First of all, the "igloo" line. When I wrote the verses I had in mind a sung by a one-toothed, scruffy guy with a banjo on the porch in front of a shack sort of song. In my head I was doing it in 2/4 timing . And that's clearly not what the song has become. So yes, by all means, let's drop the igloo line if it is standing out; it was fun imagery for a boppy little song.

Ken, I really never pictured a bongo drum... this is really fascinating seeing everyone's take on it.

Second, this isn't my song and you have absolute permission to do with it as you see fit. I messed around with John's verse quite a bit while creating a song from it, not because it wasn't good, just because the song that I was writing from it took me someplace else.

Third, I think John's edits to your song are great.

Finally, Ken's rewrite of the chorus is spot on. It makes it more singable. Regarding his first change though, the change to the line about "time that passes" to "not receiving your faxes", I had considered using a line with faxes, but I wanted to do something unexpected, and I am a huge fan of the faux-rhyme, so that's why I went that way. But, as I said, you can take it where ever it should go.

Again, very nice.

Ice cream is a dish best served cold.


   
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(@alangreen)
Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 5342
 

It's good. You could probably lose the cedar trees verse without taking anything away from the song; it'd still have that same "you made your bed now lie on it" feel

I was beginning to think I was going to be the only contributor for this week. It's pleasing to see a couple of other submissions even if you guys did cut it very fine hee hee

A :-)

"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk


   
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