Sky in an inkwell
With her headphones on
She seems lost on a train
Yet the window's but a frame
For a heart opening wide
To embrace the woods turned to colour spots
Until it collides
With the sky
With her fists in pockets
She seems to have lost it
Yet beneath the worn wool
They clasp bits of paper that
Glow with ink the colour of longing
Drawing a map
For a cat
With her headphones on
And her fists in pockets
She's lost in thought as
She's just seen the sky in an inkwell
Oh, a sky in an inkwell
hope you like it. i definitely like the inkwell sky, if i may say so :D
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Hi Stray Cat
Long time no see :lol: :lol:
I like what you have in the main , "Drawing a map ...For a cat " just don't work for me sorry , I have read that over and over ..
A little tweeking and this could be a really good piece
Cheers
Trev.. :wink:
Hope you had a great Christmas and didn't drink too much :shock: :shock: :shock:
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Straycat,
I guess I agree with Trevor the "map for a cat " doesn't work well.
The rest in very good though and with that " little tweaking" could
be great.
John
Hi Straycat,
As usual your lyrics reward a careful read. My take on the first verse is that it is someone kinda daydreaming while listening to music, feeling at one with nature.
The second verse changes the assumption of peace & tranquility with the fists in pocket etc - this suggests tension, aggression, (which is a bit of an abrupt change) and the note I guess is from (or for) a loved one.
So that leaves the cat & the inkwell.
Like the others I couldn't place the cat bit.
The inkwell I am ambivalent about: On the one hand I love the idea of an inkwell being an aperture to a complete other world, and the words run nicely, but it sounds a bit Dickensian schoolroom to me.
Hope that doesnt seem too critical bcos I find your stuff very poetic.
Oh well just my 2p.
Keep it up - you have quite an output.
Cheers
Ola
(I'm now going to try to find a place where some hums can find me :wink: )
“Poetry and Hums aren't things which you get, they're things which get you. And all you can do is go where they can find you.” - Winnie the Pooh
Hey :D
Yes, it's been quite a while, Trev :lol: My christmas was cosy and quiet (except for teh snowball fights), just as I like it. And I don't drink at all 8) Hope yours was fine, too. And a happy new year for you, even though it's a bit late :oops:
So, the cat is a problem. Well, I admit that I kind of was at a loss of ideas there (but still the cat has meaning for me). I'll see if I can come up with something better.
Ola, you're not too critical. It reads like you're trying to be helpful and constructive criticism never hurt anyone :wink: your interpretation is as good as mine, but mine is a bit different :wink: (see, for once, the note was meant to be a scribble of thoughts or things to do at the place the train leads her-- it's like a little map for the future)
and the inkwell means the note/thethoughts/the wishes if you will, whereas the sky is the outside/the environment/.. and the last bit is about the moment you realize that they can be compatible, that they can be beautiful togther, and that things will work out. :lol:
thank you everyone, your thoughts are always appreciated :D
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Hi,
Hmm - seems like you have a drink problem. Never mind its not too late to start! :twisted:
Re the inkwell - I see. I had an image of a reflection, rather like you can get sometimes with a full cup. It reflects the view and you can imagine an Alice in Wonderland effect - shrink & jump into a different world.
I dont think i'd have guessed what you had in mind, but thats the fun reading people's compositions. Its good to be able to hear the 'correct' answer.
Nice work.
Ola
“Poetry and Hums aren't things which you get, they're things which get you. And all you can do is go where they can find you.” - Winnie the Pooh
