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Y7, W13 - Overnight &MP3

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(@vic-lewis-vl)
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Joined: 20 years ago
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Topic starter  

Well I suppose I better kick things off this week, then....this is an uptempo rocker. D for the verses, D G A and C for the choruses....not sure about the bridge yet, I'll work on it in the AM.

EDIT - Sat 7th - finally managed to get an MP3 done. Usual place - http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=225059&content=music and click on "Overnight."

Overnight

(V1)There was a time, everything was fine, everything you said, was good for my head,
You praised and flattered, nothing else mattered, you made me feel, like I was all that's real,
You built me up, and you filled my cup, with the sweetest honey, my jokes were funny,
You couldn't get enough, of my random stuff, every word I spoke, was the greatest joke,

(Chorus) Then it all changed overnight,
I couldn't do anything right,
Suddenly everything was wrong,
We started singing different songs.....

(V2)I was a man alone, without roots or a home, you weren't a wife, you wanted your own life,
You'd had enough of of me, you had to be free, I wasn't "it" anymore, you walked out the door,
You said you needed some space, and to get out of your face, don't call, don't phone, leave you alone,
You had to leave me behind, put me out of your mind, but what about me? and my sanity?

(Chorus)Everything changed overnight,
I couldn't do anything right,
Suddenly everything was wrong,
We started singing different songs.....

(Bridge)I could sink or I could swim, I could lose or I could win,
I could put it all behind me or I could put it out of my mind,
I could yearn for those past times, when we thought along the same lines,
Or I could start again, and leave the past behind.....

But it all changed overnight,
I couldn't do anything right,
Suddenly everything was wrong,
We started singing different songs.....

Yes it all changed overnight,
I couldn't do anything right,
Suddenly everything was wrong,
We started singing different songs.....

Should be easy enough to record, so I'll try it tomorrow....

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@davidhodge)
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Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 4472
 

Can't wait to hear it, Vic.

On a quick read, this line stuck out as being a bit unnatural:
You couldn't get enough of my random stuff

I know what you're trying to say but I don't think it works. Maybe reversing the two halves of this line and coming up with a better ending might work:
Every word I spoke, was the greatest joke, every thought I had, made you smile made us glad

Not sure I like that either, but it's the first thing off my head. Maybe an edit to the original first half and slightly changing the end in order to set up the chorus would be better:
You made me smile I made you laugh, what could be better than that? but every word I spoke, turned out to be a joke

And then starting the chorus with "because" (or 'cause for short) instead of "then." Just a thought.

Good start to the week.

Peace


   
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(@jamestoffee)
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Joined: 15 years ago
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Vic,

I saw your quick post, but I refrained from reading at first to see if I could gell something on my own without being too influenced...I am not done with mine, but it looks like we've got some distance lyrically.

I like the read so far :D The line Dave wanted changed was the line that I really liked :? It might need to be reworked, but you definately struck a chord with me...I can clearly remember an afternoon hanging out with my girl "friend" at the time...I felt like the greatest stand up comic :mrgreen: Everything I came up with to say off the top of my head was making her laugh and laugh...those were the days (or that was the day :cry: )

Anyway, everything looks pretty straight forward...I'll look forward to the listen. :D

James


   
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(@davidhodge)
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It's not that I didn't like the line - it's just that I'm not sure that "my random stuff" translates to "she laughed at everything I said" well enough for most people to get it.

And now that it's been said directly, why not use it?
Anything I said made you laugh, what could be better than that? every word I spoke, was the greatest joke

That'll work...

Peace


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
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Joined: 20 years ago
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Topic starter  

It's not that I didn't like the line - it's just that I'm not sure that "my random stuff" translates to "she laughed at everything I said" well enough for most people to get it.

And now that it's been said directly, why not use it?
Anything I said made you laugh, what could be better than that? every word I spoke, was the greatest joke

That'll work...

Peace

.....if it was shortened a little - it'd have to be something along the lines of

"I made you laugh, what's better than that, every word I spoke was one huge joke"....to fit the rhythm.

The "random stuff" was actually one of my favourite lines, and was basically where I started....one of my daughter's friends calls me "Mr. Random" - in his words to Kayleigh, "I can guarantee your dad'll come up with some weird random fact off the top of his head that'll have everybody else scratching theirs..."

And that, really, is what the line's about - how, when you're nervous, you tend to spout random gibberish - at least I do! It may sound better when recorded....let's hope so, anyway.

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@contagiousjerm)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 176
 

cool - everyone seems to be debating one random line that doesn't seem all that bad to begin with. I'd like to see this set to music (I tried picking up my guitar and singing along and it sounded like it would be cool at a rock show...)

jeremy

And my Soundclick Page to listen to my song submissions: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=903876


   
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(@joehempel)
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I really want to hear this to music, I think it will be interesting to hear the variations of the chord that you use.

In Space, no one can hear me sing!


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
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One chord - how hard can it be to record an MP3?

Learned a few things from this - see the feedback thread for more. Anyway, the MP3's in the usual place - http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=225059&content=music - still needs a bit of work doing on it, but I'm pretty pleased with the guitar tracks.

Still need to add bass and lead guitar....

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@jamestoffee)
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Vic,

Rockin'! :note2:

I like the main gtr lick you've got going...I was thrown off at first thinking, what does this have to do with Buddy Holly?... :? then I remembered oh this is another week's song... :D then I was thinking....how come he's not changing the chord?.... :? then Oh yeah....this is THAT one chord vrs week song... :lol:

Suggestion:
Well, now that week's assignment is over, consider fudging a bit and sticking a bit more of a chord progression in for listeners outside "the box" [SSG forum]....or consider playing with the melody line a bit more...

Overall, I enjoyed the listen and the lick is still ringing in my head (which is a good thing :wink: )

Thanks for sharing.

James


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
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Well, now that week's assignment is over, consider fudging a bit and sticking a bit more of a chord progression in for listeners outside "the box" [SSG forum]....or consider playing with the melody line a bit more...

You think I ain't thought of that?

LOL, Thanks James!

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@jamestoffee)
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You think I ain't thought of that?

LOL, Thanks James!

:D :D :D

Vic

Cheers! :D


   
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(@stikman)
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Posts: 237
 

Good lyrics Vic. I think the tune was a bit long and could have been finished up sooner. That said I like the arrangement, bridge, ending.... Vocals are a little far back in the mix, maybe if I could have heard them better I would not have thought about length which is really only three and a half mins. Well take what you can from that or not. :wink:

I think I have a ways to go in giving good critiques. Rockin' rhythm by the way.

Ernie

"All battles are first won or lost in the mind." - Joan of Arc

"It took me about 20 years to figure out how to write without inspiration. Thankfully, I got there." - Leon Russell


   
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