Well, the brief didn't say that it had to be about somebody who influenced my creativity in a positive way....
YOUR POINTING FINGER
Dried out fifty five, you were only half alive
And your humanity was in the half that died
You remembered how to hate in your semi-human state
But you hadn't any love still left inside
Your pointing finger, filled us all with fear
Made everyone wish they could just disappear
And though you're long since dead somehow your ghost still lingers here
You never uttered praise throughout all your many days
Destructive criticism was your trope
The feedback that you'd give was entirely negative
You enjoyed it when you strangled someone's hope
Your pointing finger, filled me with dismay
Crushed the life out of me each and every single day
The image of your finger remains with me, I can't make it go away
Your pointing finger
Your pointing finger
Your pointing finger, pointing straight at me
Your pointing finger
Your pointing finger
Your pointing finger, pointing the way to misery
Now you're the one who's dead and I'm alive instead
You thought you'd strangled my imagination
But it was you who failed, not me,
Still I can take pride in the action of creation
Your pointing finger, once made me aghast
Now your pointing finger's fading in the past
Now the time has come for me to exorcise it at long last
Your pointing finger
Your pointing finger
"You do things I cannot see, the only fool around here is me. I see things you cannot do, the only fool around here is you."
Good start :D
I like the idea of symbolizing a person down to one body part :D Some parts are rhyming and other not....intentional or not?
Suggestion:
Consider trimming down the lyrics when possible without losing meaning.
For example-
YOUR POINTING FINGER
RHYMING LINES 1,2, 4
Dried out fifty five, you were only half alive NICE LINE :D
your humanity was the half that died
You KNEW how to hate in your semi-human state
But you haD NO love left inside
RHYMING LINES 1,2, 4
Your pointing finger, filled us all with fear
Made everyone wish they could just disappear
though you're long since dead
somehow your ghost still lingers here
RHYMING LINES (1), 2, 4....ETC.....
You never uttered praise throughout your many days..HOW ABOUT...the thought of giving praise made you want to choke
Destructive criticism was your trope
The feedback that you'd give was entirely negative
You enjoyed it when you strangled someone's hope
Your pointing finger, filled me with dismay
Crushed the life out of me each and every single day
The image of your finger remains with me, I can't make it go away
NICE PARALLELING & REPETITION
Your pointing finger
Your pointing finger
Your pointing finger, pointing straight at me
Your pointing finger
Your pointing finger
Your pointing finger, pointing the way to misery
........With so much anger going on and "the pointing finger", you could mention something about offering "the bird finger" back to him as a tribute :twisted:
You never uttered praise throughout all your many days
Destructive criticism was your trope
So it's obviously not a song about the SSG then...... :lol:
Well, the brief didn't say that it had to be about somebody who influenced my creativity in a positive way....
Anyway you approach the assignment is fine by me - if it gets you writing, that's a good thing. Positive, negative, dark, light, yin, yang, you say Yes, I say No......the whole point of this forum is to take whatever slant you want on the assignment.
I like this - turning the tables on the critics in a positive way - and turning the assignment on its head in a positive way, instead of "thanks for teaching me to write" it's more of a "thanks a lot for saying I'd NEVER write anything worth reading - and to prove you wrong, here it is!"
It reads to me like a son saying to a father, "you never gave me the slightest bit of encouragement - so I tried harder, but not for you, for ME!!!"
Good song, keep 'em coming!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hi klepsydra,
this is a good start, I think this has the makings of a good song. Tightening up on the meter and rhyming scheme would definitely enhance this song. The “Pointing finger†chorus reads well with its simplicity as a contrast to the verses. Good work
Paul
Hullo!
I like the song, some excellent lines like the two opening lines! And, oh yes, been there felt that. Excorcising, that's the word! Difficult though, that.
As I'm weak with metres and rhythm, I can't add to that, but I do think that loosening a couple of lines would tighten it all up very nicely and emphasise the great lines you have in there.
E.g. you might cut the green ones:
YOUR POINTING FINGER
Dried out fifty five, you were only half alive
And your humanity was in the half that died
You remembered how to hate in your semi-human state
But you hadn't any love still left inside
Your pointing finger, filled us all with fear
Made everyone wish they could just disappear
And though you're long since dead somehow your ghost still lingers here
You never uttered praise throughout all your many days
Destructive criticism was your trope
The feedback that you'd give was entirely negative
[And] You enjoyed it when you strangled someone's hope
Your pointing finger, filled me with dismay
Crushed the life out of me each and every single day
The image of your finger remains with me, I can't make it go away
Your pointing finger
Your pointing finger
Your pointing finger, pointing straight at me
Your pointing finger
Your pointing finger
Your pointing finger, pointing the way to misery
Now you're the one who's dead and I'm alive instead
You thought you'd strangled my imagination
But it was you who failed, not me,
Still I can take pride in the action of creation
Your pointing finger, once made me aghast
Now your pointing finger's fading in the past
Now the time has come for me to exorcise it at long last
Your pointing finger
Your pointing finger
Of course, only my 2 cents. Can easily be ignored :D
Cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
