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Y7 Week 1 - Wasted + mp3

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(@dylanbarrett)
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Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 628
Topic starter  

Hi guys and gals

Ok, be gentle with me as this is my first SSG, but I was invited to have a go. Let me know if I haven't quite got the gist of what SSG is about please.

I feel a bit guilty spending a couple of hours during a working week scribbling lyrics and strumming chords but otherwise I'd probably say I haven't got the time.... I'm away for a couple of weeks soon on business so won't be able to take part in week 2 and 3 so here's my attempt at week 1...

I really must start writing some 'happy' songs otherwise I'll get into a writers rut, but for now another 'weepy'.

Also I must say that I've still not done my homework on the correct terms for notes, chords, timing etc etc so bear with me. I've decided to use the simple chords structure of G, Em, C and D - not necessarily in that order and with a gratuitous use of D and G with a C thrown in so I'm not cheating.

It's a rock based sort of riff - I'm sure it's been done before with staccatto strumming on the D and the G (probably sound good with bass guitar maybe) with a walk down for the verses starting to build up at the end on the D adding the pinky to the E (is that called a Suss4?) getting harder on the strumming then shifting to the Em for the start of the chorus.

I'm thinking real noisy power chord type stuff but just bashing the chords pretty loud should have the desired effect then coming to an abrupt stop , then three beats, start the Staccatto again on the D and back into the verse again.

No need to explain the story - been done a thousand and one times, but the words sort came to me as I was playing around with the chords...

Wasted

Verse 1
Staccatto (D)Look at my life through (G)my eyes
whatever does it (D)mean
I tried to do my best (G)for you girl
not enough or so it (D)seemed...

Chorus
Loud Strum Progression (Em)Now it seems that (G)I have wasted (D)everything
The best years of my (C)life ... (STOP) (Staccatto) (D)on you...

Verse 2
Gave you everything you wanted
i didn't stop to think
Now there's an empty space beside me
time passes by without a blink

Chorus
Now it seems that I have wasted everything
The best years of my life on you...

Verse 3
You said as long as we're together
that's all we'd ever need
Your words were like your love
(But you took your love away)
disappearing in the breeze
(All I have left are memories...)

Chorus Outro
Now it seems that I have wasted everything
The best years of my life...

Ok, I'm going to make a soundfile and post it on Friday - it will probably make more sense then, but until then - please feel free to have a strum and let me know what you think. In the last verse there's some alternative lines in brackets. Oh yes, my first song, Alone, I was changing the words as I was recording it, so by the time you read this I may have rewritten it....

Rock on!

D 8)

I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!


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(@vic-lewis-vl)
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Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 10340
 

Dylan, good to see you here! Nice to see you making the step up - for someone who's only been playing for 12 months or so, you're doing great so far.

Right - first off, get rid of the guilt. You've got to make some time for play. As for the SSG, well, I remember reading something once - could have been Nick, could have been David, I'm not sure - along the lines of "bringing songwriting to the fore at least once a week" and of course, like it says on the tin, it's like guitar - you practise guitar, so why not practise writing?

So - the song. OK, it's a thousand-and-two times now - but there aren't many subjects that haven't been covered over the years! You've got the basic structure down - verse, chorus etc - and you know where you're going dynamically, so no problems there. The last verse, I'd leave in its original form - the last two lines balance the first two nicely, yin and yang, positive and negative.

Looking forward to hearing this - and more in the future. Now if you could just drag Clau and Stella etc along for the ride - "Hey guys, I've had a go at this songwriting thingy, it's not that hard...."

Good first effort (second song? I know you recently posted your first original...) and plenty of positives to work on.

Rock on!

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


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(@chris-c)
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Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 3460
 

Hi Dylan,

Congratulations on a great start at the SSG. Clearly, all the learning time that you've being putting in is paying off. :)

I tried playing through the song, following your chords and instructions, and had little trouble getting it to come to life. Believe me, that's impressive for a first attempt here. I did stumble a bit on "time passes by without a blink" which came out rather clumsily when I tried singing, but that could have been just me.

I think that writing your own songs, then playing them, and also singing are the trifecta of musical enjoyment. None are quite as easy as they first look, but they're not that hard either. The only two cardinal rules for mastering all three seem to be 1) Start and 2) Don't stop.

Great to see that you're on your way, and hoping to hear and see plenty more from you this year.

Cheers,

Chris


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 KR2
(@kr2)
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Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 2725
 

I did stumble a bit on "time passes by without a blink" which came out rather clumsily when I tried singing, but that could have been just me.
First, welcome to SSG, Dylan . . . where my philosophy is, if I can't play the song yet, maybe I can write the lyrics.

OK, now down to business . . . regarding Chris's comment:

On reading it, I too had trouble with that line. I think it's a messed up metaphor . . . not sure.

Maybe "time passes in a wink" instead?

KR2 (Esquire)

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


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(@dylanbarrett)
Honorable Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 628
Topic starter  

Hey Ken

How's things? Dungeon been keeping you busy? Hell of a job keeping those bars and chains clean..

Thanks for the comments - I think you need to hear me bash the song out to see where it's coming from. It's definitely more a 'blink' song than a 'wink' song, but I take note!

Rock on!

D 8)

I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!


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(@davidhodge)
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Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 4485
 

Hey Dylan

'Bout time you got over here. Welcome aboard!

I'm looking forward to hearing this, and will make more of a critique when I do. But if you're going to "bash the song out" as I suspect, then I'd like to make a suggestion first. I think you've got a little problem with the chorus:
Now it seems that I have wasted everything
The best years of my life on you...

It's just too passive. And if you're going to be angry and disappointed, why settle for using the "Now it seems?" How about:

Everything's gone
I wasted everything
The best years of my life on you...

Or something much more active and involved instead of passive and thoughtful. I suspect you've got some intense music to go along with this. Match that mood with the lyric as well. Don't be a passive narrator, especially one's who a tad upset about wasting all of one's life.

Looking forward to hearing this. And I'm also hoping that we get front row seats for any songs you're in the process of writing. Thanks for sharing and being here!

Peace


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(@dylanbarrett)
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Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 628
Topic starter  

Hi David

Thanks for the comment - I hear where you're coming from. When I record this I will change the wording in the second chorus to reflect this and see if it works, if it adds a bit more desperation...

Also been thinking about the 'blink' word - I was quite happy with it but now you've got me thinking... so how about:

Moving the last verse "You said as long as..." to replace the 'blink' verse.

A new verse 3:

Gave you everything you wanted
you never stopped to think
Now there's an empty space before me
and I am moving to the brink

Pretty desperate I reckon.

Rock on!
D 8)

I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!


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 KR2
(@kr2)
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Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 2725
 

Briefly messin' with it, it could be:

Gave you everything you wanted
I assumed you loved me too
Now there's an empty space beside me
That will never be filled by you (or something like that . . .)

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


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(@dylanbarrett)
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Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 628
Topic starter  

Hi all

Ok, here's a very bad recording of what I see this song vaguely resembling...

My arm went to sleep trying to keep the beat going and I lost concentration on the singing so I missed Dave's line on the last chorus.. but I see this sounding pretty good with a good bass riff and some mighty electric chorus breaks.

I hope I've kept things in the spirit of Y7 W1 with the chords, but let me know if I should really be doing some dooowhap dooowhap diddy stuff?

First time I've used this box thing also, so hope it works...

http://www.box.net/shared/yyj3a1afd3

Ken, I read your verse but it just sounded, well...too 'nice' - if I'm going for depression I don't want to mention 'love' too much...

Rock on!

D 8)

I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!


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(@davidhodge)
Member Moderator
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 4485
 

Hi again Dylan

This is a good framework for an arrangement. I agree that with some nice electric work, particularly on the choruses, that you're going to have something very dynamic. The way you cut the last chorus out on "my life" was really good, too. Keep that.

We're going to have to get you a band.

More!

Peace


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(@chris-c)
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Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 3460
 

Hi again,

It's probably been quite a while since I watched your first few videos, but the improvement since then is amazing. :) The singing is coming along really well too. Great job.

Chris


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(@vic-lewis-vl)
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Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 10340
 

I see what you mean about the "stacatto" chords, Dylan - then I had to remind myself you've only been playing for just over a year! I got the electric out and played along - using palm-muted power chords for the most part, then a few unmuted chords for the chorus. I'm impressed by the way you've put the whole thing together - the chord sequence works well and kept my attention. Like the way you threw a couple of Dsus4 chords in to give a little variety - I'm a sucker for those, can't see a D chord without throwing a couple of Dsus4's in! (And if you listen to Kathy's song this week, she's done something similar. I think David did too, but there's so much going on musically in his song it's hard to isolate a couple of stray chords. Yep, I managed a couple too.....!)

Great start - keep up the good work!

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


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(@dylanbarrett)
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Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 628
Topic starter  

Vic - As a complete novice in music, songwriting and playing I probably need a producer who pulls things together and brings ideas to the table, but I know roughly what sort of sound and feel I'm after - very difficult on an acoustic and makes me feel like I'm trying to play with only one hand.

The more I think about the song I'm thinking 8 to the bar for the verses - gigga gigga gigga giggae stuff, pretty muted yes. then as we build up for the chorus (yes, with an little acoustic you need to throw in something, even a Dsuss to make it sound remotely interesting) I get the pick slide down the fretboard and really go into one 'Now is seem that I....' strong power chords - shake the walls - really heartfelt - then silence - gigga gigga gigga gigga. Cool or what!!!!!

I've got to go to the UK on Monday and going to be without my 6 string for two weeks, so I'm gonna order an electric to be delivered to my Mums' house for the second week - why the second week - 'cos my girlfriend is with me for the first and in these financially strained times I should be be buying 'toys'. I'm gonna raise the roof with this one! Wind up the overdrive.

I'm going to make another mp3 but using acoustic strumming rather than staccatto chopping which I know is crap at the moment. Don't know where I'm going with this? Heavy rock? Alternative? Grunge? Am I getting carried away - nah, just enjoying the freedom of creation.

RRRRRRROooooooock on!

D 8)

I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!


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 KR2
(@kr2)
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Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 2725
 

Ahhh . . . the restraints imposed by the feminine influence . . . they keep us grounded . . . and that's a good thing.
I easily heard the influence of your cover of "Heroes by David Bowie" (so far my favorite from you).
(I liked the Wallflowers version too - Heroes)
The staccato sounded kind of choppy after a while . . . but I got the gist of it . . . if it was a mandolin it might have come across better. But then we don't have a choice of a full orchestra to pick and choose from. We make do with what we have and make guitar noise.

Thanks for the song, DB, and as always,

Rock onwards.

PS: Have a safe flight back to Mumward. (tell her KR2 said "Hi")

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


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(@dylanbarrett)
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Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 628
Topic starter  

Thanks Ken - I'll pass on your best....

Ok - here's an acoustic version to wade through. Apologies for the voice. It's been a long day and half a bottle of the red stuff....

http://www.box.net/shared/imely78k20

Rock on!

D 8)

I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!


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