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Y7 Week 22 - chorus


(@jerboa)
Trusted Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 79
Topic starter  

Ok...two out of three ain't bad. :) I'll get the third up later in the week. I haven't picked the third title yet. I seem to be in a sad Country song rut, hoping the third title will get me out of it. :)

Take A Number(James)
--------------------

If you want a piece of me, take a number
You ain't the first one I done wrong
If you're thinking I should pay, take a number
You can have whatever's left when I'm gone

If you're looking to get even, take a number
If revenge is what you want, stand in line
If it makes you feel better, take a number
You'll never hurt this broken heart of mine

It Takes Two to Make a Lie (Dylan)
----------------------------

It takes two to make a lie
It takes two to turn hello into goodbye
When the tables finally turn,
The one thing that you learn
Is it takes two to make a lie

Cause it takes two to make a lie
And you can't go on no matter how you try
You can say you'll just be friends
But you'll find out in the end
That it takes two to make a lie

There are two kinds of people in this world:
Those who think there are two kinds of people in this world, and those who don't


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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

Both look good :D
Take A Number
I keep imagining this could be a song for a character from Frank Miller's "Sin City"
It Takes Two to Make a Lie
I hear a country vibe here.


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 KR2
(@kr2)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2725
 

I like them both. Especially the second one.
So I looked at that more closely.

Cause it takes two to make a lie
And you can't go on no matter how you try
You can say you'll just be friends
But you'll find out in the end
That it takes two to make a lie
The second line looks uncomfortably long . . . but if you can fit it in to the tune you have in mind . . . nevermind.
Otherwise, I was thinking of something like

And more than (just) yourself to get by

that says about the same thing . . . in a way.

Another thought . . . maybe change-up the ending line to

(That) even that is just a(nother) lie.
Cause it takes two to make a lie
And more than (just) yourself to get by
You can say we'll just be friends
But you'll find out in the end
(That) even that is just a(nother) lie.

KR2

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


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(@dylanbarrett)
Honorable Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 628
 

Hi J

I like the chorus to my title. I even sang along with a country twang and it worked really nicely. Definitely worth finishing.

I actually made the 'long' second line work ok if you spread out the first line to fill the bar (It takes twoooooooooo, to make a lie) then fit the second line into the length, it works ok and not too hurried - I would leave (IMHO)

The chorus to Take A Number I also like very much - we have those little numbered tickets in the supermarket so you get to wait your turn at the meat counter so I can related to the lyrics....

Reading through, the guy (I'm surmising it's a guys perspective) sounds a bit of a rotten egg but the last line of the second chorus seems to try and explain why he's like this? Broken heart is his excuse? If this isn't the case and not explained in the rest of the song then he should have a 'cold' heart, rather than a 'broken' heart.

Nice.

Rock on!
D 8)

I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!


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 KR2
(@kr2)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2725
 

If this isn't the case and not explained in the rest of the song then he should have a 'cold' heart, rather than a 'broken' heart.
or "dead cold" heart (or cold dead heart) . . . for the syllabic count or beat or rhythm . . .

. . . and then when you get to the verses, go into the specifics as to why he's a mean son-of-a-gun . . .
and why everyone wants a piece of him . . .

KR2

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


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