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Y7 Wk 19 Train of Thought

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jamestoffee
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Train of Thought

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=7418348

It's time to quit; but I don't mind
I think I can; I think can keep thinking that I'm right
The old bridge creaks under my weight
The good Lord knows how much I need a break this time

Meet me at the station
For a civil conversation
I say cold and you say hot
Seems we differ quite a lot
We give it all we got
Just ride different trains of thought

I'm workin' my way back down the line
You always said I had a one track mind
Gagged and tied; laid on the rails
our good intentions tried but were bound to fail in time

Meet me at the station
For the terms of separation
I say why; you say why not
Seems we disagree a lot
We give it all we got
Just ride different trains of thought

the notion of our locomotion
finding a junction where we could function
is absurd with all respect
we're both steam whistle our emotions
headed for a total train wreck

Meet me at the station
For a legal abjuration
I say sold and you say bought
Seems we argue quite a lot
We give it all we got
Just ride different trains of thought
We gave it all we got
Just rode different trains of thought
We gave it all we got
Just rode different trains of thought


   
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KR2
 KR2
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I didn't see anything I could suggest to improve it . . .
so I just sat back and enjoyed . . .

like the "but were bound to fail" (after being gagged and tied on the rails)

KR2

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


   
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jamestoffee
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Ken,

Thanks for the listen and post! :D

James


   
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DylanBarrett
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I didn't see anything I could suggest to improve it . . .
so I just sat back and enjoyed . . .

Agree 100% - another classic from Jaaaaaaaaaaames Toffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Favourite line: the notion of our locomotion
Best JT Dictionary word: abjuration :roll:
Charlie Chaplin moment: gagged and tied, laid on the rails

Well done James.

Rock on!
D 8)

I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!


   
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jamestoffee
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Dylan,

Thanks so much for the post. :D

Dictionary word: abjuration - A disavowal or taking back of a previous assertion
Yes, that was a new word for me as well :wink:
Charlie Chaplin moment: gagged and tied, laid on the rails
Yes, that was the scenario I had in mind...it took a few tries to get the syllables to fall in place.

Thanks again.

James


   
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Alan Green
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I liked it, especially where you had the guitar sounding like a train on the tracks. Good stuff.

A :-)

"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk


   
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David Hodge
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Had me hooked with the "I think I can I think can" in the second line.

Only suggestion I'd have is in the chorus, perhaps changing the last two lines slightly:

We always get to where we got
Riding different trains of thought

Whether you take me up on it or not, this is a pleasure to listen to. You make things sound so smooth and easy. Looking forward to more.

Peace


   
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jamestoffee
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Alan,

Thanks for the listen. I am glad you noticed the "train" effect in the strumming. :D

Dave,
Thanks for the suggestion. It's a little further away from the idea I wanted to convey. I was imagining two people really trying to make things work, but just not able to connect or get out of their own "train of thought" to see the other's viewpoint.
Only suggestion I'd have is in the chorus, perhaps changing the last two lines slightly:
We always get to where we got
Riding different trains of thought

I was considering progressing this line through the song to build up the inevitable break up:

Seems we differ quite a lot
We give it all we got
Just ride different trains of thought

Seems we disagree a lot
We give it all we got
Just ride different trains of thought

Seems we argue quite a lot
We give it all we got
Just ride different trains of thought

feedback?

James


   
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David Hodge
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I see where you're coming from and I do think that your progression in the chorus will work. Could even go a step further by making the last one in past tense:

Seems we argued quite a lot
We gave it all we got
Just rode different trains of thought

Peace


   
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jamestoffee
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Dave,

Thanks again....I was thinking present tense for 2 reasons
1 to capture the moment before the paper signing
2 I imagine even after a divorce, the 2 people will still or continue to argue

James


   
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contagiousjerm
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Good - that extra time spent on this assignment paid off.was considering progressing this line through the song to build up the inevitable break up Yeah, the differ/disagree/argue thing is a good idea because it would build more to the formal "abjuration" and explain that better on the end. I think it would be good to show a building tension in the relationship.Seems we argue quite a lot
We give it all we got
Just ride different trains of thought
Maybe on this last one, "we gave it all we got" to agree with the abjuration being a final decisio

jeremy

And my Soundclick Page to listen to my song submissions: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=903876


   
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contagiousjerm
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wow, two posts got in while i was writing... notice I suggested keeping "argue" present tense, but you're no longer trying to make the relationship work, so "gave it all we got"...

And my Soundclick Page to listen to my song submissions: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=903876


   
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Vic Lewis VL
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Actually had to get the dictionary out to look up "abjuration".....James, you get this years prize for the most exotic word, artistically used, in an SSG song. In the GNoscars that is. With a silent G. So you can always say you've got a Noscar!

Once again I'm impressed - the breadth and maturity of your writing is impressive, considering you've been here but a short time. This song? Not much to add to what everyone else has said, and I had the same Charlie Chaplin moment as Dylan....

Good writing JT, keep it up!!! You're setting a standard that's good for this forum - I, for one, am finding it hard to keep up with you!

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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jamestoffee
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Maybe on this last one, "we gave it all we got" to agree with the abjuration being a final decisio
jeremy
Yeah, Jeremy. When I rerecorded it I went ahead and switched the last 2 tag lines to past....seemed to end it better...and still incorporated a flavor of Dave's idea, too.
James, you get this years prize for the most exotic word, artistically used, in an SSG song. In the GNoscars that is. With a silent G. So you can always say you've got a Noscar! :lol: :lol: :lol:
Well, Vic. The year is young and there is plenty of platform for all!

I won't get any commissions from this and I don't know if it would really help others or not, but I had come across a software called WordWebPro. http://wordweb.info/ There is a free version and a version you could buy. Anyway I bought the paid version and I haven't regretted it at all. It's not really a rhyming dictionary, but I use it like one. It also saves my butt quite a bit, being a teacher, I am supposed to know a lot more about English than I do......Jeremy sssssshhhhh don't tell Mr. Darren :lol: My wife uses it to cheat/inspire her when playing Scrabble against the computer...and the anagram section makes TextTwist ( http://www.shockwave.com/gamelanding/texttwist.jsp ) a no brainer [if you're into word games]
I had the same Charlie Chaplin moment as Dylan.... :lol: For me, it was Dudley Do-Right http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dudley_Do-Right

This was definitely a harder week for me....I spent a lot of time on "research" which included the following:
The Builders of the Central Pacific Railroad http://cprr.org/Museum/Galloway4.html ...and yes I read and printed out the whole thing!
Ghost Stories and Folklore http://www.americanfolklore.net/railroad-stories.html‏
Thomas the Tank Engine stories and about Reverend W. Awdry http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/W.V._Awdry
Traveling Wilburys http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traveling_Wilburys
Björk - New World

Einstein's thought experiment consisting of a moving train http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relativity_of_simultaneity
Wedding symbols as in wedding train http://donngonzales.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=54&Itemid=71
Following this quote down a rabbit hole and seeing where the last word would lead each time:
“Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character.
Watch your character, it becomes destiny.” -Frank Outlaw
......Then googling to continue the idea
[Watch your destiny, it becomes life.”
Watch your life, it becomes your thoughts.”]

...and as time was ticking away and I still couldn't think of an idea, I just started personifying a train...knew there would have to be a problem and just started plugging away at rhymes until the idea formed itself
......and after all that, I ended up with a song about divorce with a slight Beatles flavor....left overs from last week's assignment :lol:

This whole process of writing a song a week has taught me how important the idea/story line is for me to get a song going....When I get stuck, I try using some techniques in creativity from books by Edward de Bono....Lateral Thinking, Six Thinking Hats and How to Have Creative Ideas: 62 Exercises to Develop the Mind

My muse also seems to send me a "harbinger of death" to a song idea whenever I start humming "Sally's Song" from The Nightmare Before Christmas for the melody...I am entranced by Fiona Apple's version

I haven't worked out how this one fits in yet :?

And of course a very important ingredient [last but definitely not least] getting feedback from all of you willing to post critiques and suggestions!

I would be interested in what others use as catalysts to get things going as well. For me, this is the great opportunity for a forum like this....to play nice and share....just like what I teach my Grade 1 students :lol:

James


   
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KR2
 KR2
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I would be interested in what others use as catalysts to get things going as well.
A couple of beers and I'm good to go . . .

KR2

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


   
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