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Y7W13 - I Can (Touch the Sky)

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(@stikman)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 237
Topic starter  

It's a blues thang with dom7ths and a quirky chorus. Still trying to learn to play it. :x

I Can (Climb That Mountain)

See the young man
His rivers flowing fast
Look at the old man
His rivers flowing past

Don't want to be the old man
I want my dreams to last
I've got to ditch my old plan
Forget about the past

Because I can
Because I can
Climb the mountain
Climb the mountain
Climb the mountain
Touch the sky

Life is full of troubles
It's easy to get lost
It's all about perception
Got to be my own boss

I can deal with troubles
Don't hold my hand
Walk away from the rubble
I'm going to take a stand

Chorus

Harp solo over A7 D7 E7, I IV V in A

Chorus out

"All battles are first won or lost in the mind." - Joan of Arc

"It took me about 20 years to figure out how to write without inspiration. Thankfully, I got there." - Leon Russell


   
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 KR2
(@kr2)
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Hey Stikman,

Looks good as it is.
But if it's not set in cement . . .
See the young man
His rivers flowing fast
Look at the old man
His rivers flowing past
you might want to consider starting it this way

He's a young man
His river flowing fast
Not like an old man
Whose waters have passed

I'd say more but . . . I've got to go pass some water . . .

Old man,
KR2

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


   
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(@contagiousjerm)
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Posts: 176
 

I'd suggest adding something to the "don't hold my hand" line - seemed like it needs another syllable, maybe "so don't hold my hand" - or maybe put some more subjects in here, you start with I, then imply "you", then imply "I" (I inferred)
I can deal with troubles
Don't hold my hand
Walk away from the rubble
I'm going to take a standDon't hold my hand

peace,
jeremy

And my Soundclick Page to listen to my song submissions: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=903876


   
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(@jamestoffee)
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Ernie,

Good start :D

Suggestion:
It sounds a bit like a rebel without a cause or the singer has a chip on his shoulder, but it's not clear why. Maybe integrate some specifics....like "who" is trying to hold his hand? girlfriend? mother? other?...and why would he climb a mountain...just some questions to flesh out a story a bit more.

rubble seems a bit odd but works, I keep wanting to hear rumble like a Harley or like thunder...just bits and pieces take what might be helpful...toss the rest.

James


   
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(@stikman)
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Great suggestions all. I'll get right on it.

It's not set in cement Mr. Rogers. Definitely not.

James, this is a kind of self-prescribed therapy :roll: for myself. Trying to write something positive and uplifting after all the plane crashes. :D So it is me talking.

stik

"All battles are first won or lost in the mind." - Joan of Arc

"It took me about 20 years to figure out how to write without inspiration. Thankfully, I got there." - Leon Russell


   
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 KR2
(@kr2)
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Great suggestions all. I'll get right on it.
It's not set in cement Mr. Rogers. Definitely not.

You don't have to call me Mr. Rogers . . . Sir will do just fine . . . or Sir Rogers . . . :mrgreen:

. . . actually, I prefer KR2 . . . but u can call me KR :roll: (we already have several Kens)

KR2

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


   
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(@stikman)
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Posts: 237
Topic starter  

So here's a re-write. Need to come up with a bridge to tie up some loose ends.

Sir, handprints in the concrete are welcome. :wink:

Why can't I just write a song about an old dog that's no longer around? :?

I Can (Climb That Mountain)

I'm still a young man
My river is flowing fast
Time for a new plan
Forget about the past

Life's like a mountain
It's really worth the climb
Mustn't be frightened
There's just no time

Because I can
Because I can
I'll climb the mountain
I'll climb the mountain
I'll climb the mountain
I'll Touch the sky

Life is full of deception
It's easy to get lost
It's all about perception
Got to be my own boss

I'm finally on my own
Free to make my way
Free from oppression
From what others might say

Bridge

Chorus

Harp solo

Chorus out

"All battles are first won or lost in the mind." - Joan of Arc

"It took me about 20 years to figure out how to write without inspiration. Thankfully, I got there." - Leon Russell


   
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 KR2
(@kr2)
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Yeh, that works, Ernie.

I would have taken a different approach to that mountain

Life's like a mountain
That we all have to climb
If not in this life
Then another time

Because, eventually, in one of these life's I'll make it to the mountain top.
Right now I'm just enjoying the view from where I am.

KR2 <--- ignore him . . . he's senile

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


   
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(@stikman)
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Topic starter  

Interesting take KR2. I never would have considered it. I think it starts to hint at things spiritual which the rest of the song doesn't really approach.

Ernie

"All battles are first won or lost in the mind." - Joan of Arc

"It took me about 20 years to figure out how to write without inspiration. Thankfully, I got there." - Leon Russell


   
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 KR2
(@kr2)
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Interesting take KR2. I never would have considered it. I think it starts to hint at things spiritual which the rest of the song doesn't really approach.
Life's like a mountain
It's really worth the climb
Mustn't be frightened
There's just no time
Ernie
And then again there's the Forrest Gump approach . . .

"Life is like a box of chocolates . . . . (less spiritual . . . more philosophical)

KR2

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


   
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(@stikman)
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It's more about taking responsibility. I mean things happen to us sure but also our path is determined by decisions we make which are influenced by environment. It's more about finding oneself finally outside of that environment and taking responsibilty for the path one chooses.

Ernie

"All battles are first won or lost in the mind." - Joan of Arc

"It took me about 20 years to figure out how to write without inspiration. Thankfully, I got there." - Leon Russell


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
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Stikman,

I liked the song at first and love the rewrite.
Personally I like KR's suggestion and don't think any
spirituality is out of place in context of the song.

At least consider the second line of his suggestion.
"Life's like a mountain
That we all have to climb

It still fits well with what you have and sounds a bit better to my ear.

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@joehempel)
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Posts: 2415
 

For whatever reason I missed this.

Ernie, this is nice, I think that for me, it has the meaning of finding one's self, but not necessarily stepping out of the environment that you're in. Just using that metaphor of the mountain, and keeping on with it even though there are obstacles everywhere.

In Space, no one can hear me sing!


   
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(@stikman)
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Topic starter  

Well here it is. This one was hard to learn to play and my guitar work is sketchy in places. I need to take a guitar sabbatical. Hit the woodshed. Also, I've been fooling with blues harp lately and decided to put some in. It's not so great but I'm hoping no one will be offended. I really just needed to get this thing out the door. It's kind of silly. But my goal is to write 52 songs. It's like photography. The student has to take 52 rolls of bad pics before getting one good one. But then......hahaha......but then!!!!!! Mwah ha ha ha haaaaaa :!: :twisted:

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7294528

I Can (Touch the Sky)

I'm still a young man
My time is going fast
I need a new plan
Forget about the past

Life is like a mountain
That we all have to climb
Must not be frightened
There is just no time

Because I can
Because I can
Climb the mountain
Climb the mountain
I'll climb the mountain
Touch the sky

Life is full of deception
It's easy to get lost
It's all about perception
Got to be my own boss

I'm finally on my own now
Free to make my way
Free from oppression
From what others might say

Chorus

Bridge (Instrumental for now)

Harp solo

Chorus out

"All battles are first won or lost in the mind." - Joan of Arc

"It took me about 20 years to figure out how to write without inspiration. Thankfully, I got there." - Leon Russell


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
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Sounds Good To Me!

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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