Y7W52 - "My Maggie McBride" w/mp3

Hi Marv,

Nice job on the mandolin playing...gave it a "haunting" sound....good story and good story telling. :D I also like that we don't know if the barrister died or not. :wink:

Suggestion:
Consider where some verses can me combined to streamline the story
For Example:
COMBINE VS 1 & 2 INTO ONE MAYBE EVEN PART OF VS3 AS WELL
Maggie McBride was a barrister's wife KEEP (maybe change "a" to "the" to imply a small town)
And I but a carpenter's son CUT -DOESN'T MATTER HIS JOB- SHE'S MARRIED SO THE LOVE IS FORBIDDEN- ADULTRY
And I loved her the moment I laid eyes upon her CUT
And I knew that she felt the same CUT

We kept it a secret and spoke not a whisper KEEP
But I could see what she felt in her eyes CUT
And nobody knew but the angels in heaven CUT
And me and my Maggie McBride CUT

It was late in October when the fever came calling KEEP
And I heard that the barrister'd died KEEP
And I listened closely to the news goin' 'round here DIDN'T LISTEN CLOSELY SINCE HE GOT THE NEWS WRONG
But there was none of my Maggie McBride KEEP

Til one night my Maggie crept into my bedroom KEEP MAYBE CHANGE CREPT TO "SLIPPED"
And she touched her hand to my lips KEEP
And said "don't say or word or somebody might hear us" CUT IMPLIED ALREADY IN LINE 2 & 4 & BETTER TO NOT HAVE HER TALK
Then she silently slipped off her dress

Two days went by since the night of her visit KEEP
And I knew that something was wrong KEEP
So I took to the road towards the barrister's house KEEP
Just to see if my Maggie was home KEEP

Well at the house I found people all dressed up in black KEEP
And standing with tears in their eyes KEEP
And laid in the parlor, three days dead from the fever KEEP
Was my lovely Maggie McBride KEEP

Now I'm laid up in bed with the fits and the sweats KEEP
And the priest reading me the last rites KEEP
And at my throat I can feel them, the deathly cold fingers KEEP BUT REWORD IMPLIES HOSTILITY MAYBE SOMETHING LIKE
CARESSING MY FOREHEAD W/ deathly cold fingers....CALLING ME HOME TO HER SIDE
Of my darling Maggie McBride

Another great song in the making!
Thanks for sharing.

James

I don't know that cutting so much would be a good idea... I think the way the song stands builds atmosphere... also having a lot of verses is one of the hallmarks of a folk tune like this one. Plus I like all the details... I was never aiming for three minutes here.

And it was always pretty clear in my head that the barrister had died. It says so in the song even.... I guess I might try making that more clear. I don't know.

-marv

I am just stunned.

Rarely do I hear a song for the first time and immediately identify with it.
In another time this would instantly be at the top of the charts . . . it would just take a producer to add some accompanying instruments to give it some more body . . . probably just a violin accompaniment.
I am just sorry if this in not that time for that to happen.

I wouldn't cut a thing . . . but maybe that's because I'm still hypnotized by the song . . . maybe I can snap out of it and be more critical . . . maybe . . . but for now I'm going to listen to it again.

I don't know who you are but I'm, again, looking forward to hearing your next song.

I think I read earlier you were working on an album or two . . . would you mind giving me more information on this?
I would like to hear some of your other songs.

>I like all the details... I was never aiming for three minutes here.
No problem....just suggestions. :wink:
If the details stay, I'd offer another suggestion....Consider changing the profession of the singer....My assumption is the story takes place in a rural or small town and some time before communication of the telephone....so another assumption is the singer is a carpenter as mentioned he is a carpenter's son...as apprenticeship and learning the family business/tradition was practiced in the past....So my assumptions are the singer was a carpenter in a small town in the "old days", but who built coffins? Carpenters....no? and how were the built?....by measuring the length of the deceased. So I assume the singer or his family's business would have been the one's to prepare the coffin; especially for a barrister....which again is assumed is the more wealthy class.

>And it was always pretty clear in my head that the barrister had died. It says so in the song even.... I guess I might try making that more clear. I don't know.

I would think to not make it more clear. It only states that the singer "heard" that the barrister'd died and again it says he listened closely, but if he listened closely, how could he miss that both the barrister and Maggie had died?....For me it works if somehow he got missinformation.....the missinformation works and to keep the barrister alive b/c he thinks the barrister died, but didn't....Maggie visits....he is not shocked b/c he thinks the barrister died....he goes to pay his condolences and to check on Maggie, but when he looks in the coffin it's Maggie not the barrister...

Another reason it was not clear the barrister died was b/c when the singer entered the house, he only mentioned seeing Maggie...no mention of seeing the barrister...

Again maybe just leave it as is, b/c if he knew Maggie died, then he would wonder why a dead person was coming to sleep with him.

Along with Ken, I am wanting to hear more of your music and the other songs you've been working on. :D

check my new signature for my band page and such.

-marv

Marv

I remember a old discussion where you mentioned something along the line that
your song all end up with someone dying.

Three deaths in one song,Good Job!

I would not cut anything. Five minutes is not that long.

Love the mandolin

:note1: :note1: :note1:

John

check my new signature for my band page and such.

-marv
Still checking . . .

um... its on the top posts but not on the lower ones for whatever reasons www.myspace.com/andrewdelaney

Great story, excellent mp3. A little on the long side for some, maybe, but hey I LIKE a lot of detail....spent forty years or so listen to Dylan songs! I dunno about other people, but for me, one of the hardest things in songwriting is to tell a story AND put a twist in the tail - you've pulled it off beautifully, Andrew.
it would just take a producer to add some accompanying instruments to give it some more body . . . probably just a violin accompaniment.

Ken, it helps if you think of accompanying mp3's as a first rough draft....I'm pretty sure Andrew's (or Marv, short for Marvelous Optimist) musical/production/arrangement skills are well up to adding whatever's necessary to "flesh out" the song. Violin's a pretty good suggestion, though.
I remember a old discussion where you mentioned something along the line that
your song all end up with someone dying.

Hah, he even wrote one about MY death - until it was decided I was still alive. I got to play it with him, too! Not too many people can say they've played on a song someone wrote as their obituary.....

:D :D :D

Vic

I checked the forum earlier hoping the topic hadn't been put up because then I'd get the writing bug and be up all night.... and sure enough the topic was up... so here it is... Also my first song wriitten for mandolin.

FYI.....I try and post the assignments, wherever possible, by midnight (my time) Saturday Night....I'm very partial to a lie-in of a Sunday Morning! It actually gives the US members a bit of a head start - they've a few hours on Saturday night to mull over the assignments, whereas we Brits - well it's coming up to bedtime for some, others are out at the pub etc, but it's there for them to have a glance at before retiring for the night. Who knows what may blossom in the subconscious mind once the seed's been planted?

:D :D :D

Vic

Aww... hypnotizing it is.
Thank you for that haunting story! Now I can predict the content of my dream for tonight... :wink:

At the beginning, the song/the singing remined me a tiny bit of Glen Hansard (and that's a good thing :D )... maybe you would like his music, too.

Cheers,
straycat.