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Y9 W18 - NO!

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Vic Lewis VL
(@vic-lewis-vl)
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Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 10264
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Tried to keep this as minimalist as possible.... been playing along to it as I was writing, some line lengths may look a little strange but trust me, they all fit....

NO!

Asked ma please could I go, she said no,
Said, "Ma please can I go?" but she said no,
Said, "ma please please please can I go?" she said no, no NO!

Dad said, "you can't go, mother she said 'no,'"
Dad said,"no, you can't go, your mum's already told you so,"
Dad said, "no, no, no, no, no, we've told you you can not go!"

Sick and tired of "no, no, no," I think I'll pack my bags and go,
Ask a question, get told no, I think I'll pack and hit the road,
Said, "I've gotta go," they said no, I'll leave and say, "I told you so..."

Ma said, "Son, please stay," I said, "I'm on my way,"
Dad said, "Mum said stay," I said "I'm on my way,"
I hear them saying, "stay?" - already on my way.

I got sick and tired of "no, no, no," so I packed my bags to go,
Asked a question, got told no, so I packed and hit the road,
Said, "I've gotta go," they said no, I left and said, "I told you so..."

I called ma on the phone, asked, "can I come home?"
Told her, "I'm alone," she said, "come on home,"
"Your dad wants you to know, ain't no house-room for "no!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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martin-6
(@martin-6)
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Posts: 418
 

I love it! You told a classic story in a very expressive way thanks to the repetition of words and syllables. A very valid response to the topic IMO.

The only thing that didn't click for me was the last verse. I think the "I'm alone" seems out of place, and I don't quite understand the last line. I think the verse could be rewritten simpler, and with the mum and dad saying the same message (if they have different or conflicting messages, it's more confusing and works against the "me vs parents" set-up).


   
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Gixugif
(@gixugif)
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Posts: 11
 

I like it!

I partially disagree with what martin-6 said though. I think the "I'm alone" seems fine, though I also don't understand the last line, and he's right that the parents should probably be saying the same thing.


   
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jamestoffee
(@jamestoffee)
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Hi Vic,

Good start :D I agree with Martin; including the suggestion of reworking the last verse- I'm not real clear on what is going on. It seems he wants to return the mother wants him too....but the father doesn't want him to?...."Your dad wants you to know, ain't no house-room for "no!"......I don't understand this line :?

Thanks for sharing.

James


   
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KR2
 KR2
(@kr2)
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Regarding James comment about the last line
"Your dad wants you to know, ain't no house-room for "no!"

Perhaps

"Your dad wants you to know, There ain't no sayin' no to no!"

I like the use of 'house-room' . . . never heard that expression before.

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


   
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Vic Lewis VL
(@vic-lewis-vl)
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Topic starter  

I don't quite understand the last line.

I also don't understand the last line

I don't understand this line

I like the use of 'house-room' . . . never heard that expression before.

So no-one seems to get the last line, then? Drat and double drat - it was the line I liked best! BUT - like Nick once said - if you have to explain a line to me, it probably needs re-writing.

About that line.....it was an expression my dad used to use many years ago. Anything he hadn't got time for, anything he didn't like, he'd say, "got no house-room for...." whatever it was. No room in the house for it. I'm surprised it doesn't ring a bell with the Americans amongst you, because I'm pretty sure he used to put a (bad) American accent on when he said it, to take the sting out of his words....

So in the song, if dad says, "no house-room for no," it's kind of a grudging apology for being a little harsh, and he's kind of saying, "OK, let's not just say NO - that's too final. Let's negotiate....."

But anyway, if it's spoiling the song and detracting from the point, it obviously isn't working - no house-room for that last line, eh? So how's about.....

Called ma on the phone, asked, "Can I come home?"
Told her, "I'm alone," she said, "come on home,"
"And dad wants you to know he won't say, "told you so!"

OR.....

Called ma on the phone, asked, "Can I come home?"
She said, "please come home, no need to be alone,"
"And dad wants you to know, this'll always be your home."

Opinions & comments gratefully received, as always.

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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jamestoffee
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suggestion:
Called my parents on the phone, asked, "Can I come home?"
Told them, "I'm alone,"
They said, "No, no, no, you're not alone
Come on home, Son. Come on home"


   
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Vic Lewis VL
(@vic-lewis-vl)
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Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 10264
Topic starter  

suggestion:
Called my parents on the phone, asked, "Can I come home?"
Told them, "I'm alone,"
They said, "No, no, no, you're not alone
Come on home, Son. Come on home"

That might work - it'd need a bit of adjusting to fit the meter, I'll check it out in the AM with the guitar.

In my head, it's reading....

Called the parents on the phone, asked, "Can I come home?"
Told them I'm alone, they said, "No, you're not alone,"
Why don't you come on home, son, why dont you just come home?"

Thanks for the input JT....not for the first time!

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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martin-6
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"And dad wants you to know he won't say, "told you so!"

Whatever you do... this line is about as confusing as the film Inception! :lol:

Less is more, Vic, less is more!


   
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