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Y9 W22 Secret Ambition

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(@chris-c)
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Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 3454
Topic starter  

Hi all,

I roughed this out yesterday, and then wasted hours trying to put some decent music together. That was an abject failure, so I put down the electric guitar and picked up the old nylon string acoustic and strummed a few chords, as I attempted to sing. It's very rough, but at least I can post something and get comments. A week's not long to write, rehearse and record to a decent standard (another decade is about my requirement at this stage...). I haven't tried recording anything for a while and, boy, it shows. Bad singing, missed notes and erratic playing. Still, it's a start. Any suggestions about the words, the music, the recording or whatever. gratefully received.

To listen, just click on the title at this link. Secret Ambition

I'm going for the bonus points here, but I don't think that David should let his brother see it... :wink:

  • SECRET AMBITION

    “I have a dream” like Mr King, though mine is not as grand
    I'm just tired of fixing cars and trucks and messing up my hands
    You might have a laugh at me, you prob'ly think I'm rash
    But I'd like to be an accountant minding other people's cash

    So it's fingers up to the garage boss,
    Treat me bad, it's your sad loss
    I won't be running away to sea
    An accountant's life for me.

    I'll go off to work with numbers, they're so pliable and clean
    No more nasty rusty bits and greasy old machines
    I'll throw away my spanners and this oily set of tools
    And join the guys in Gucci suits around their swimming pools.

    CHORUS

    I'll check prospective clients with my calculating eyes
    And plan to get my fingers in their juicy fiscal pies.
    I won't get too greedy, only slice off small amounts
    A few cents here, a dollar there, to my private bank accounts

    CHORUS

    There'll be babes in brief bikinis, and expensive long cigars
    Booze with lots of bubbles and some really tasty cars
    But I'll have someone else to fix ‘em, I'll be doing other things
    No more Mr Puppet when I'm the man that pulls the strings

    So it's fingers up to the garage boss,
    Treat me bad, it's your sad loss
    I won't be running away to sea
    It's an accountant's life for me


  • Thanks for reading

    Chris


       
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    (@stikman)
    Reputable Member
    Joined: 15 years ago
    Posts: 237
     

    Hi Chris,

    I like the sea shanty with the accountant twist thing you have going on. You've done really well also
    at keeping your rhymes in order. I do not have any criticism of your lyrics I think they are good
    perhaps someone else will help out in that regard.

    I do not really see a scratch recording as a problem. I record everything, sometimes multiple
    times in different ways, even if it is just a few bars. Gives me a chance to step aside and listen
    and I do not feel that it is that much of a commitment. It also lets us know what you are going for.
    For instance, I thought sea shanty while I was reading but did not hear it until I listened.

    Gosh I really did not think your playing and singing were so bad for something to give us a taste.
    If anything you can learn something about your singing and playing from it.

    Thanks for posting.

    "All battles are first won or lost in the mind." - Joan of Arc

    "It took me about 20 years to figure out how to write without inspiration. Thankfully, I got there." - Leon Russell


       
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    (@chris-c)
    Famed Member
    Joined: 19 years ago
    Posts: 3454
    Topic starter  

    I do not really see a scratch recording as a problem. I record everything, sometimes multiple
    times in different ways, even if it is just a few bars. Gives me a chance to step aside and listen
    and I do not feel that it is that much of a commitment. It also lets us know what you are going for.
    For instance, I thought sea shanty while I was reading but did not hear it until I listened.

    Great to hear! Thanks very much for the encouraging words. :D

    I get frustrated at times with my lowish level of skills with the playing and recording, but I'm probably being over-hasty. As you say, if I put the time in it will improve.

    Chris

    OOPs. :oops: Forgot to ask... Are you posting songs here these days???


       
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    (@stikman)
    Reputable Member
    Joined: 15 years ago
    Posts: 237
     

    I've not posted in awhile. I read the prompts every week but usually draw a blank or start something but just don't get enough to post.

    Should probably take my words about recording and apply them to writing :roll:

    "All battles are first won or lost in the mind." - Joan of Arc

    "It took me about 20 years to figure out how to write without inspiration. Thankfully, I got there." - Leon Russell


       
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    (@chris-c)
    Famed Member
    Joined: 19 years ago
    Posts: 3454
    Topic starter  

    Should probably take my words about recording and apply them to writing :roll:
    :mrgreen:

    That sounds eerily familiar! I'm also very good at dishing out kindly advice in posts that I then realise I'm not that good at actually following myself... :wink:

    Please post some of your efforts and I'm sure that the folks here will all put a shoulder to the wheel and help you bump start it.

    Chris


       
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     KR2
    (@kr2)
    Famed Member
    Joined: 17 years ago
    Posts: 2717
     

    Thanks, Chris, for the song.
    I was hoping you would contribute and I'm glad you did.
    You didn't disappoint.

    I didn't read the lyrics before I listened.
    I wanted the song to unfold the lyrics . . .
    and as it did, I wore a grin the whole time.
    Thanks for sharing.
    It was a delight.

    It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


       
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    (@citizennoir)
    Noble Member
    Joined: 17 years ago
    Posts: 1247
     

    Well I see you haven't lost your touch at writing!
    (Jealous - Yes!)

    I don't quite know how to say what I felt upon reading the lyrics (no, sorry - haven't listened. I'm sure it's great. I always got a kick out of hearing your songs.... They were always, Fun (% )

    Your songs are always, fun, funny, even.... Romantic. The magpie song comes to mind here. Has to be THE most romantic song I've ever encountered. I'll never forget it (%

    I don't know how you quell that melancholy side of our shared Scorpio sun.... But - You go man!
    I wish I could be that joyous in my writing! So envious :mrgreen:

    Anyway - I'd have to say my favorite line was the: I wont be running away to sea, bit (%
    There's something so.... old fashioned about that....? Hope you know what I mean? I love old movies and old times;
    and that seems to come from a time long forgotten. Big Smile (%

    Anything that mentions MLK, Jr. is alright with me!

    I also got a kick out of the, blue collar worker wanting to switch to white collar work.
    Having done both, I saw the similarities with the different lifestyle, accordingly.
    This guy seems to have been a mechanic - But, I worked in a machine shop, programming CNC machines.
    Lots of math involved there. Had to learn Trig, on the fly!
    Went from there to working at the Chicago Board of Trade!
    More numbers! (%
    The same, but different.

    Anyway - Sorry everyone if I don't reply to your songs. I'm having a hard time.

    Write on!

    Ken

    "The man who has begun to live more seriously within
    begins to live more simply without"
    -Ernest Hemingway

    "A genuine individual is an outright nuisance in a factory"
    -Orson Welles


       
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    (@barnabus-rox)
    Famed Member
    Joined: 19 years ago
    Posts: 2957
     

    Hi Chris

    Long time no see for me , Ain't been around much but yet here I am because the Vic Lewis is on my case ( joke ) ..
    Loved the mp3 mate , you always seem to have this uncanny way of telling a story with a humorous side to it ..I love it !!
    Well done mate
    Take care
    Trev!

    Here is to you as good as you are
    And here is to me as bad as I am
    As good as you are and as bad as I am
    I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


       
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    (@chris-c)
    Famed Member
    Joined: 19 years ago
    Posts: 3454
    Topic starter  

    I didn't read the lyrics before I listened.
    I wanted the song to unfold the lyrics . . .
    and as it did, I wore a grin the whole time.

    Thanks Ken. Nice job with listening to it first. :D I reckon that's the best way to evaluate a song - by ear. Lyrics can look quite different on a page to when they're sung and reading first can sometimes give you a bit of bias the wrong way.

    Are you still writing songs from time to time?

    Anyway - I'd have to say my favorite line was the: I wont be running away to sea, bit (%
    There's something so.... old fashioned about that....? Hope you know what I mean? I love old movies and old times;
    and that seems to come from a time long forgotten. Big Smile (%

    Hi again Ken (stereo Ken effect in here it seems.... ) You're right on the money with that. Running away to sea was a staple of pirate stories in my childhood - back in the middle of last century. I think there might be a bit of subconscious Gilbert and Sullivan operetta going on there too.

    Anyway - Sorry everyone if I don't reply to your songs. I'm having a hard time.

    Ken

    Sorry to hear that. Hope things pick up for you soon.

    Hi Chris

    Long time no see for me , Ain't been around much but yet here I am because the Vic Lewis is on my case ( joke ) ..

    Trev!

    Trev! Great to see you're still around here. I read somewhere that you'd had some physical difficulties, but I hope you're still playing and having a crack at songs.

    One of my favourite tunes on my hard drive, which I still play from time to time, is your "Me and The Birds". I probably say that every time I see you again, but I never tire of it.

    Cheers all,

    Chris


       
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    (@jamestoffee)
    Famed Member
    Joined: 16 years ago
    Posts: 2855
     

    Hi Chris,

    Good start....and finish? :D Looks pretty well in order and entertaining to listen to. It reminded my of a "High School Musical" song called "Stick To The Status Quo" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBVUlgG8Lm8 where the students share their "secret ambitions"

    Suggestion:

    Remembering songs are more listened to than read, consider tweaking this line to not confuse "see" with "sea"

    "I won't be running away to sea"

    to

    "I won't be sailing off to sea"

    I was a bit disappointed that the singer was looking for a life of "white-collar" crime as a fix for his "blue collar" life problems.....I would have been satisfied just hearing he had an Secret Ambition for numbers....the way it comes across is his Secret Ambition is to get rich....but he seems to be climbing up the wrong ladder......once he starts flaunting his new found wealth, he'd raise suppositions by those around him.

    Thanks for sharing.

    James


       
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    (@chris-c)
    Famed Member
    Joined: 19 years ago
    Posts: 3454
    Topic starter  

    Thanks for the feedback James. :)

    Remembering songs are more listened to than read, consider tweaking this line to not confuse "see" with "sea"

    "I won't be running away to sea"

    to

    "I won't be sailing off to sea"

    That's a good point. I hadn't noticed that. I guess that "running away to sea" was such an ingrained phrase and image in the stories of my childhood that I'd assumed that it had a sort of universal ring to it. But of course my childhood was...cough...cough.. over fifty years ago now. So the commonly used phrases may have changed just a bit in the last half a century... :mrgreen: I'll give that some thought, but your suggestion looks like a good swap. Thanks for that.
    I was a bit disappointed that the singer was looking for a life of "white-collar" crime as a fix for his "blue collar" life problems.....I would have been satisfied just hearing he had an Secret Ambition for numbers....the way it comes across is his Secret Ambition is to get rich....but he seems to be climbing up the wrong ladder......once he starts flaunting his new found wealth, he'd raise suppositions by those around him.

    Well, I'd certainly expect that somebody with your background would not approve of him having daydreams that were both selfish and dishonest. I'm not exactly onside myself. :wink: I'm really trying to send up his ambitions and suggest that he actually has almost no chance of changing direction, because he really doesn't have a clue what the job is about. He just has a string of B movie cliches in his head about what accountants do. I didn't spot it while I was writing it, but after I'd posted, and was trying to imagine what it would like like to fresh eyes, I saw that the story was similar to Money For Nothing by Dire Straits. In that song the guy in the blue collar job - shifting microwave oven, colour TVs, etc - is looking at the life of a rock musician and seeing "money for nothing, and chicks for free...". It's an angle that turns up in dozens of forms - from milkmaids dreaming about being princesses (which alway seems to involve jewels, handsome men, lots of attention and no work) - to milkmen singing "if I were a rich man", and so on.

    Cheers,

    Chris


       
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    (@jamestoffee)
    Famed Member
    Joined: 16 years ago
    Posts: 2855
     

    I'm really trying to send up his ambitions and suggest that he actually has almost no chance of changing direction, because he really doesn't have a clue what the job is about.
    The way you have it probably makes it more interesting story telling :wink:


       
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    (@wilhelmina)
    Estimable Member
    Joined: 13 years ago
    Posts: 56
     

    What can I say? I think this song is G-R - * - * - * with all capital letters! Wilhelmina


       
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