Y9 Wk 2 Long Gone Friends- Rost/Wilbury collaboration

Hello Shady!

Nice collaboration. It's cool that you've got someone to work with!

This is very to the point and has a very catchy rhythm. Can hear all sorts of possible musical styles working so it will be interesting to see what you two decide upon.

Love the "moaning / mourning" line.

If there's anything I'd suggest. it's that the focus of the song (given the title and the chorus) is on the "long gone friends" but those friends are nowhere to be found in either of the first two verses. That's probably the point, but even a hint about having them might make the chorus a more powerful part of the song. For instance, you could tweak the second verse like this:

The boss is on your back now
He won't just let you be
When you got no one to talk to
Jobs just turn to drudgery

That's just off the top of my head so my apologies about it being kind of lame. But it plants the seed that there used to be friends or at least someone else in the picture, so that the last line of the chorus then becomes a focal point and not a bit of a surprise.

Good to chat with you again and looking forward to reading and hearing more from you (and your partner!).

Peace

Hi Shady,

looking good but I wanted more. I read this with guitar in hand playing a country rhythm but the song ran out too quickly. I think this will make a great country song with some more detail either by expanding on the consequences of change or expanding on the loss of friends.
Nice work Nancy & Shady.

Paul

Hi Shady,

Good start :D
I had just finished reading the Wk 3 topic and listened to Richard Thompson - From Galway To Graceland
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLSZXHXFsss
....it seemed to kind of fit your lines.

I like Dave's suggested verse and maybe that angle can be injected a bit more in the song where the singer...wants to talk to the friend about problems but can't (Dave's verse)....you could also have a verse about wanting to celebrate a joy of life. For example the college graduation of a child they both knew.......or still missing their Thursday morning get togethers....or going out on a weekend....or a road trip etc and the place or time always reminds the singer of that person.

Suggestion:
consider gelling or choosing one of these two ideas as they are in the same verse:

It's tough to shift your focus/When you're stuck in a rut (this suggests no movement....stuck)
Every day you're slipping, sliding/Afraid to fall on your butt (this suggests movement but feels out of control)

....so is the singer unable to move on with their life b/c of the loss of the friendship?
OR
is the singer going through a lot of changes in their life wishing their friend was there to help out?

Thanks for sharing.

James

I like the song and its rhythm and I think 2 valid points have been brought up regarding the divergent themes and also the length.

My idea would be to have not 1, but 2 verses before each chorus. This will give you the room you need to work the friends into each section as the main theme of the song.

So you could rearrange it like so:

V1
It's tough to shift your focus
When you're alone and in a rut
Every day you're slipping, sliding
No helping hands to hold you up

V2
The boss is on your back now
He won't just let you be
And you're trying to remember
What it felt like to be free <-- I love this line and would like to see the freedom crop up again at the end of the song

Chorus:
Change can come a-callin'
Leave you wondering where and when
Leave you moanin', leave you mourning
For those long gone friends

V3 - introducing the friends more, maybe in relation to another stressful topic aside from work
V4
Chorus

V5/V6 or Bridge
Chorus
etc.