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Y9W10 I’ve Changed

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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 2855
Topic starter  

Y9W10 I've Changed

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10065909

==========Revised Lyrics==========

Flowers big and bright
Apologies for fights
Hopes that this can all work out right

Gifts to make things better
And long hand-written letters
With a hundred reasons why we should be together

Chorus
I swear this time I've really changed
On the surface things might still look the same
I swear this time I've really changed
And there's no way in Hell
I'm ever taking you back again

New locks on the door
Don't call me anymore
I know your game; I fell for it before

Gave in too many times
Gave up too much pride
I want you out of sight and out of mind

chorus

solo

chorus
And there's no way in Hell
I'm ever taking you back again

==========Original Lyrics==========

Flowers big and bright
Apologies for fights
Hopes that this can all work out right

Hand-written lengthy letters
And gifts to make it better
An endless list why we should be together

Chorus
I swear this time I've really changed
On the surface things might still look the same
I swear this time I've really changed
And there's no way in Hell
I'm ever taking you back again

New locks on the door
Don't call me anymore
I know your game; I fell for it before

Gave in too many times
Gave up too much pride
I want you and the past both left behind

chorus

solo

chorus
And there's no way in Hell
I'm ever taking you back again


   
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(@stikman)
Reputable Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 237
 

Hi James,

Like the recording. I like the continuously strummed guitar and the chord choices. Really gives it momentum.

I'm thinking conversational so this:

Hand-written lengthy letters
And gifts to make it better
An endless list why we should be together

could be this:

Long hand-written letters
And gifts to make things better
So many reasons why we should be together

Of course that is just my take so take what you like and leave the rest or leave it all. :D

It is hard to tell if the person speaking is getting the flowers and then saying but I've changed and this is not going to work so if that is the case maybe a lift before the chorus to lead into it like:

But I've seen this all before
And I've no interest anymore

I swear this time I've really changed
............

I don't know. Nice work.

Ernie

"All battles are first won or lost in the mind." - Joan of Arc

"It took me about 20 years to figure out how to write without inspiration. Thankfully, I got there." - Leon Russell


   
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(@wolfiemusic)
New Member
Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 1
 

I especially liked the twist in perspective. When I started reading I thought the perspective was coming from the person trying to be taken back (as most of these types of songs are). It's not until the end of the chorus that I realized that this was not the case. Nice surprising turn of events!

I do like the earlier suggestion of "long hand-written letters" instead of "lengthy hand-written letters" as it just seems to flow better when singing. Other than that, the rest stands. Nice work and with such a quick turn-around.


   
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(@davidhodge)
Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 4472
 

Hi James

Very nice twist - enjoyed it a lot.

I'm with the others in that there are many lines that are more poetic than conversational. It's not that you can't have both, but many of the lines here get a bit tangled for the listener (and I would imagine the singer, too). The main offenders are these two:

Hand-written lengthy letters (already mentioned)

I want you and the past both left behind

Suggestions might be to move some things around:

Gifts to make it better
Complete with long hand-written letters
And endless lists why we should be together

And possibly (don't really like this either, though, but it's the best I can do on short notice - not all of us have your talent to come up with so much so quickly! :wink:):

Gave in too many times
Gave up too much pride
I want you out of sight and out of mind

Really like this a lot. The bridge / solo is very nicely done, too. Nice variation on the chord progression to give the listener something new (but not drastically new) to hear.

Looking forward to more.

Peace


   
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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 2855
Topic starter  

POOF Changes Made :mrgreen: *

Thanks to all you suggestions. You turned an essay form test into a multiple choice....which is a lot easier to take :P :wink:

Hey Ernie,
It is hard to tell if the person speaking is getting the flowers and then saying but I've changed and this is not going to work so if that is the case maybe a lift before the chorus to lead into it like:
But I've seen this all before
And I've no interest anymore

Good suggestion :D Since yours was the first reply, I was nervous thinking, "Oh no, the whole trick to this is the switch-er-roo in revealing the singer"....but If I needed to be more straight-forward, you had a good solution.......Thanks for the "conversational" improvements. I was looking at the first two verses more like a check list; interesting how it came across.

Hi WolfieMusic,

Thanks for the comment and post. It's always great to see new faces here. Thanks for the confirmation on what was and wasn't working for you with this song.

I hope you find it a helpful environment to grow as a song writer.

Welcome to SSG :mrgreen:!

Hi Dave,

Thanks for the listen and feedback; it's much appreciated. :wink:

James


   
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(@stikman)
Reputable Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 237
 

I guess I should have realized that the switcheroo was intentional from a seasoned SSG veteran. Well it worked :wink:

"All battles are first won or lost in the mind." - Joan of Arc

"It took me about 20 years to figure out how to write without inspiration. Thankfully, I got there." - Leon Russell


   
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(@john-sargent)
Noble Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 946
 

Great song. I am amazed at how quickly you can produce quality work.


   
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(@jamestoffee)
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Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 2855
Topic starter  

Well it worked :wink:
Good. That's the bottom line :wink: Thanks for the follow up post :wink:

Hey MrEWorm,

Bit by bit it is coming together faster, but I stock a lot of the recent speed to the fact that I've been on vacation and have had extra "non-stress" down time.

Thanks again for the feedback and encouraging words.

James


   
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(@john-sargent)
Noble Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 946
 

I had to skip this assignment. I started writing out a plot and had outlined three verses about a guy that kept promising to make changes in his life. Of course, he failed at changing and continued to disappoint those around him. It was just too damn depressing. The ending was a suicide note that read "I swear this time I've really changed". I deleted the draft after I read this this Woody Guthrie quote:
“I hate a song that makes you think that you are not any good. I hate a song that makes you think that you are just born to lose. Bound to lose. No good to nobody. No good for nothing. Because you are too old or too young or too fat or too slim or too ugly or too this or too that.”


   
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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 2855
Topic starter  

I had to skip this assignment.
No worries. It doesn't always click and like you mentioned sometimes....bottom line....we don't want to write a song the way we see it headed and that's ok too.....at least giving it a go is the point....not the end product for itself but the process.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts :wink:

James


   
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