Hi all,
And a belated Happy New Year. Hope you don't mind if I slip back in. It's been a while. Comments and suggestions most appreciated.
http://www.soundclick.com/neilstuart
lIVING IN A BOX
I'm living in a box but I'm thinking outside
doors closed, windows open wide
a ceiling above, the floor below
no limit where my mind might go
I call it my home some call it jail
papa said stay, if you leave you'll fail
nothing in the world you need to see
no where else where you need to be
lot's of books, everyone I've read
lot's of things that other people said
gone on trips and I never left home
lots of friends, I'm not alone
I'm living in a box but I'm thinking outside
doors closed, windows open wide
a ceiling above, the floor below
no limit where my mind might go
it happened so fast, I can barely remember
I was only thirteen, early December,
a car appeared, I was stunned
couldn't move, couldn't run
stay with us, please don't leave
they said I know it's hard to believe
that you'll never move, never move again,
one life has ended, but another life begins
I'm living in a box but I'm thinking outside
doors closed, windows open wide
a ceiling above, the floor below
no limit where my mind might go
life's been different but it's not been bad
I'm really grateful for the time I've had
I think, therefore I am
others say they can't, I say I can
I'm living in a box but I'm thinking outside
doors closed, windows open wide
a ceiling above, the floor below
no limit where my mind might go
I'm living in a box but I'm thinking outside
doors closed, windows open wide
a ceiling above, the floor below
no limit where my mind might go
no limit where my mind might go
Hi Neil
And welcome back. Good to hear your voice again.
Nice Emily Dickinson thing you've got going here. And while I appreciate that you're probably using the same chords throughout the entire song to emphasize the "staying in one place" bit, I can't help but think that you could change things around at least in one place to bring a little more variation into the piece.
You're using G and A, right? I'd like to suggest making the move to either C and D or G and D (or even G and Am if you like) and the place that makes the most sense would be in these two stanzas:
it happened so fast, I can barely remember
I was only thirteen, early December,
a car appeared, I was stunned
couldn't move, couldn't run
stay with us, please don't leave
they said I know it's hard to believe
that you'll never move, never move again,
one life has ended, but another life begins
Then you can go back the G and A in the following chorus and stay put for the rest of the song.
A belated Happy New Year to you, sir! And I hope that we may be graced with your presence and your music at other points in 2011. Looking forward to more.
Peace
Interesting lyric. I concur with dhodge's idea about providing some variation. It is quite a long song, a fair number of verses, so it becomes rather hypnotizing to the listener. The mind begins to wander a bit if there is no change in the music to perk up the listener's ear again. I don't think it would take much to give it that, and keep the listener better tuned into this well written lyric you have here.
Thanks for posting!
Hi Neil,
Good start :D The lyrics seem to work well and Dave's already got some good suggestions; so nothing for me to add at this point.
Thanks for sharing.
James
Hi Neil,
welcome back.
Great song, love the sentiment. Theres only one verse that I would consider editing, this one:
life's been different but it's not been bad
I'm really grateful for the time I've had
I think, therefore I am
others say they can't, I say I can
The first 2 lines are great and are in keeping with the story but I feel that the last 2 lines just dont add anything. I think I would be inclined to flesh out the gratitude sentiment here instead.
cheers
Paul
