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Y9W20 I Am Your Big Tree

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jamestoffee
(@jamestoffee)
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Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 2855
Topic starter  

Y9W20 I Am Your Big Tree

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10407553

My love for you is evergreen
What can I do but hang around?
You wrapped your arms around me then
I wait for you, I wait and yet
You're late; it's late and we're apart
I hear the chainsaws; I hear the chainsaws start

½ Chorus
You're not around and nowhere to be found
I am your big tree
I am your big tree

The generations come and go
I give and give selflessly
Through summer's heat and winter's snow
Green are the eyes of jealousy
I wait and wait to see your face
I wait and wait but you're so late

Chorus
You are not around and nowhere to be found
I am your big tree
I am your big tree
I am your big tree
And I'm pining; pining away for you

Can't see the forest
Can't see the forest through the trees
Sometimes I don't think you understand me

solo

chorus


   
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martin-6
(@martin-6)
Honorable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 418
 

Hi James,
I like your production on this track a lot. When you sing in a lower register it sounds a bit like Joy Division.
I think the melody of the chorus is one of your strongest yet - you've got a bit of an earworm there :)
Lyrically it's decent, although towards the end I think "pining" or "forest through the trees" might be one pun/metaphor too far. By this point in the song you have got your message across and should be free to forgo the wordplay.

One thing I would have liked is some clue as to who you are singing to, and WHY you are comparing yourself to a tree. There are no details about the intended recipient to give some insight on this. Maybe the person is a gardener, or a nature-lover, or a conservationist, or a squirrel, or...

Nice work though :)


   
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jamestoffee
(@jamestoffee)
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Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 2855
Topic starter  

Thanks for the listen and feedback :D
I like your production on this track a lot. When you sing in a lower register it sounds a bit like Joy Division.
Thanks for the affirmation on the production and music. I hadn't heard of Joy Division so I'm looking....her....I mean..... him.....ok make that them..... :P up on youtube
Lyrically it's decent, although towards the end I think "pining" or "forest through the trees" might be one pun/metaphor too far. By this point in the song you have got your message across and should be free to forgo the wordplay.
Thanks for the feedback on the lyrics.

I tried 3 different approaches to the lyrics and didn't really commit to any of them fully which is probably why it comes off as it does......

Approach #1
I was having a hard time finding an angle and coming up with something clever to say, so I tried the very simple approach of taking the two ideas from the assignment as straightforward "matter of fact"
Those facts being #1 the singee is late and #2 The singer is a tree......no more depth than that and just let the listener piece their own story together.....I've been reading a lot of "The Far Side" comics where you just suspend or bend reality to believe that trees and animals talk :roll:

Approach #2
The inspiration for V1 of the song was a picture and the story (could be true or not true depending on the web site you visit)
"When this young man went to war in 1914, he chained his bicycle to a tree. He never returned. The string withstood to the pressure of the tree that widened over time and gradually it absorbed the bike."
http://www.cryonie.com/en/2010/sadness.php

.......so the tree is waiting for its "friend" to return and the bicycle was like a promise ring or jewelry from the soldier to the tree saying he was coming back

Approach #3
V2 was the idea that trees outlive the "tree huggers" or conservationalists or "people who would chain themselves to trees to save them".......so since the trees out live the people, every generation the trees have to "woo" a new person or group of people who will stand up to the industrialists to keep them alive another 50 years

...and you called my bluff on the bridge....since I was just trying to string some ideas together that were loosely related, I went with a cliche and tagged on the idea that the tree is saying or complaining to the singee......."You don't know what it's like being a tree"

Suggestions?


   
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