Y9W23 Favor / A Mermaid's Song

Hi James

Very interesting take on the assignment.

Musically, there seem to be some slight catches. I'm not sure "little ol' me" quite works, at least in terms of how the line is sung. It seems to tangle the voice up. Perhaps "a favor for me" might work.

It also seems that the idea of doing a favor could lead to a more interesting narrative. Granted, that wasn't in the assignment, but I can't help but thinking you could make the favor itself (not to mention the narrator and other characters involved) more mysterious or perhaps even a bit menacing. I'm not sure I can explain this, but the melody has a bit of hypnotic quality to it and I keep seeing film noir-type characters when I listen to your voice. Even though you started with a great idea I think that the music is calling for something a little more than just some teachers and students trading favors, unless you imply some more mysterious possibilities. The song just feels like it can be more, I don't know - sinister? morally ambiguous? I guess what I'm trying to say is that (to my ears obviously) there's a big disconnect between the music and the lyrical content. I can't help thinking that you can get the lyrics up to the same intensity level of the music even though it might mean a considerable rewrite.

I'd be very interested to know whether you already had the music to this one or if you came up with the lyrics first.

Truly looking forward to more.

Peace

Peace

Hi Dave,

Thanks for the listen and post. :D
Musically, there seem to be some slight catches. I'm not sure "little ol' me" quite works, at least in terms of how the line is sung. It seems to tangle the voice up. Perhaps "a favor for me" might work.
I agree.
It also seems that the idea of doing a favor could lead to a more interesting narrative.
I agree.....Coming up with a clever idea has always been the part that's been hard, if not the hardest part of the songwriting process for me, so I tried the "tall tale" approach in recent assignments....and now I've been trying a straightforward....no twists.....very matter of fact......so now the question would be which would work better to get a straightforward idea down and twist it, or have the twist or interesting idea planned out from the get go? :roll: :arrow: :| :arrow: :?
Granted, that wasn't in the assignment, but I can't help but thinking you could make the favor itself (not to mention the narrator and other characters involved) more mysterious or perhaps even a bit menacing.
:lol: Well, I'm afraid I don't have much mystery or menace in my life....at least not on this week's "to do" list :roll: :lol:

That's why I prefer writing about other people with more colorful stories to tell. :wink:

This was the "to do" list I came up with:
Give entrance test
Check sound system
Teach a lesson
Sub for a music class
Read about writer's block
Get directions for vacation
(Vacation) Go to Elephant Island
Prepare test materials
Work on a dance
Swim for exercise
Read the Bible
Pray

Random number picked this one
I'd be very interested to know whether you already had the music to this one or if you came up with the lyrics first.
At first I was going to write a "sound check" song, so I was listening through a bunch of loops, but then decided against it as it was getting too time consuming.....so next......

......I made a list of words associated with "sound".....I was going to do a word search for rhymes....this method is suggested by Pat Pattison, but I still find it a boring process......so......
ANVIL
AUDITORYCANAL
AUDITORYNERVE
COCHLEA
DEAF
EARDRUM
EARLOBE
EUSTACHIANTUBE
FREQUENCY
HAMMER
HEARINGAID
OSSICLES
PINNA
SEMICIRCULARCANALS
SOUNDWAVE
STIRRUP
AIR
EAR
EARDRUM
HEAR
INNER
INTERPRETATION
LISTEN
LOUD
MESSAGE
MIDDLE
MISCOMMUNICATION
MUSIC
OUTER
SENSE
SOFT
SOUND
SOUNDWAVES
TALK
TRAVEL
VIBRATION
VOLUME
WAVE
LOUDNESS
AMPLITUDE
PITCH
FREQUENCY
HIGH
LOW
STRINGED
PERCUSSION
DECIBEL
ECHO
REFLECT
ABSORB
TRANSMIT
INSTRUMENT
MICROPHONE
LOUDSPEAKER
VIBRATE
SPEED

Here was the email that the song was based on:

James,
Would you mind dropping by on Monday morning before the 3rd period to check and make sure the floating laptop is hooked up to the system and that Oom doesn't have any problems getting the DVD going? She said that she hasn't used the projector/sound system in that room yet…
Thank you!
Catherine
....I liked the first sentence......."Would you mind dropping by on Monday morning", so that was what I started with and then thought of the "hook" music and words together but I kept singing "Do me a favor for me" which doesn't make sense.....so I cut it into two forms "Do me a favor" and "Please do a favor for me"......

......then I used the email as the "story" but I agree it wasn't much of an interesting write........

for the bridge I just grabbed a random chord progression and lyrically tried to make it sound interesting, but basically the music teacher is taking a music course and was lining up subs for her own classes so she could attend the workshop.

......so more menacing :twisted: , I think I will have to get "in character" of a famous or notorious character and write about a well known event from their point of view.......or at least try.....I am off on vacation Saturday morning, so no promises on a rewrite before next week.

........Well, I guess it's time to get a "film noir" thinking cap on :wink:

Thanks again :D

James

P.S. POOF :mrgreen: Changes made* out with the mundane.....bring in the mermaids :twisted:

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