Y9W24 Magic
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10518657
Mr. Lonely Heart's on stage calling out for volunteers
And I raise my hand
I feel a bit nervous cause it's all unplanned
But I know it's start
Hey Mr. Lonely Heart, who do you have?
Who do you have for me?
The stage is almost set as he calls up a woman in red
And it's you; yeah it's you
He says pick any card
And I blush as he tells the world
You are the queen of my heart
Chorus
It could be magic
You and me
We could give it a go
It could be magic
Just believe
We could steal the show
He could spell it out for us or leave
Leave a little mystery
He takes padlocks and chains
And tells us both to check with a feel that it's real
Made of steel
We try to break free but it's all in vain
'Cause he knows from the start
What little wishes do to the heart
What did you do to my heart?
chorus
bridge
Pixie dust or fools like us
What creates these bonds of love unseen?
What could it be?
chorus
He could spell it out for us or leave
Leave a little mystery
Hi James,
I'm not around much anymore, but on those times I pop in I can always count on a song from you to bring a smile to my face. Well done. I especially like how you handled the transitions from verse to chorus and back again.
Neil
Hi Neil,
Thanks for taking the time to listen and post your words of encouragement :D
I hope you're able keep coming back to post and participate more as time allows.
Cheers.
James
Your imagination knows no bounds, does it? :) This is very nicely written. What a great idea and where you took it, I really liked the little story as well as the tune. The song works well, all parts. I thought the music and lyric were a good match for each other in this. The outro was very fitting and cute too!
I'm glad you had the music with this. There were some words or lines I wondered when reading, if or how they could work. You seem to make them work however so I kind of think it is just my inexperience. For me, it is every bit as helpful looking at others songs when learning as it is writing my own. One example of the words I was referring to would be 'I feel a bit nervous..' where I would probably have written 'I feel a little nervous...' to make it more singable (for me), but it sounded good just as you had it.
Really enjoyable to listen to, thanks for sharing! The chorus is now kinda stuck in my head (a good thing I guess!). :lol:
PS I want to thank you for all your comments and suggestions on my last post which I did read and get a lot from. Never got back here to reply and then once I did I felt guilty about moving an old post of mine up into all the great new stuff. So thank you, and dhodge as well who also gave some thoughtful comments on it. I'm in work/eat/sleep mode these days, pretty pathetic, lol, but happy to be back here today spending some time and enjoying some of the posts. :D
Hi Melody,
It's good to hear from you :D Sorry to hear about the work/eat/sleep mode, but life does get like that at times. :cry: I'm glad that some previous comments have been helpful for you and I appreciate your listen and post as well.
I try to keep stretching in songwriting and so it's great to get some feedback on what hits or misses with others.... In this song, for example, like you pointed out, on the read, it seems a bit disjointed or non-symetrical, but it seemed to come together with the music.
I read one comment that beginner songwriters often over rhyme and make sections too symmetrical, so I was also experimenting a bit with the story telling.
Thanks for taking the time to listen and give feedback.
I hope you can adjust your routine to "work/eat/sleep/write a song and post it at SSG :P mode" soon :wink:
James
