(This may not be a song, but I couldn't resist. Don't let the title scare you off. It's spoofy, but not lascivious. - Wilhelmina)
(By the way, James, don't worry about your critiques. They're good - thorough and specific. I've learned a great deal about lyric writing from them. Many thanks.)
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10585092
Sometimes I think our scientists
Have gone completely crackers.
Every time they run a test,
It costs a million smackers.
Have you heard of Doctor Levine
And his 'magic underwear'?
I read it in the New York Times.
It's true as rain, I swear.
Chorus: (tune of Frere Jacques):
Are they magic? Yes, they're magic
Underwear. What a pair!
You really ought to try some.
Go right out and buy some.
If you dare, if you dare.
'Non-exercise thermo genesis'
Is the name of the study he's doing,
And he's invented the underwear
To test a theory he's brewing.
If you put on his 'magic underwear',
You'll get a big surprise.
They have 'accelerometers'
And 'inclinometers'
Built into both of the thighs.
(Chorus)
First, you measure your fat in a 'bod-pod',
Then you put on your undies and do your thing
Till the lights light up in a console
And you hear a little bell ring.
A technician will later inform you,
After tabulation, of course,
That, during the time you were sitting,
Your body wasn't much different
From that of a very dead horse.
(Chorus)
What Doctor Levine has spent
A minor fortune to prove
Is that we'll all feel better
If we get off our butts and move.
He's looking for donations.
I hope you'll send him money
'Cause my life would be a tragedy
If you all weren't so funny.
(Chorus)
Hi Wilhelmina,
Congratulations! and welcome to the world of multi-tracking :mrgreen:
By the way, James, don't worry about your critiques.
Ok....I was planning to back off, but at the same time you have really done a much better job at focusing the lyrics since the plumber song.......
........and about that song, I wonder if it came across critical because I used CAPITAL LETTERS..... :roll: Anyway, I've always tried to critique the music/lyrics, but never criticize the person.......However again, at the same time, I honestly think your lyrics have become more stream-lined and focused....you've already shown a great talent with words from the get go....so kudos to you and your growth as a songwriter :wink:
For this song, I like your uniqueness in it's topic. I see it going for either a Groucho Marx type number or Dr. Seuss. A lot of rich vocabulary; especially your 'accelerometers' and 'inclinometers' :lol:
Suggestion:
Consider clarifying this section:
The only part that threw me off was the last part. It might just be a simple tweak for clarity-
He's looking for donations.
I hope you'll send him money
'Cause my life would be a tragedy
If you all weren't so funny.
There is a sudden shift to first person point of view, but now I lose what the idea is, or the meaning of how it fits into the rest of the song "'Cause my life would be a tragedy; If you all weren't so funny."
All the rest flows nicely together.
Thanks for sharing.
James
