Words to use: Pinup, Volcano, Wood, Oath, Hosepipe
Y9W4 Where the Sun Don't Shine
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=9908012
Working a convention of heroes and zeroes
One too many Bacardi volcanoes
Hooked a wrong turn leaving San Diego
Slipped out of town distance made good
Miss Independent misunderstood
Sunset's on her knees by the trees in the wood
Chorus
It ain't bright; heading where the sun don't shine
It ain't right; but it happens all the time
Where the sun don't shine
Sunset's flirting with the moon tonight
Sucking gasoline from a dirty hosepipe
Nothing I can say or do is gonna make it right
A pinup girl in a pickup truck
A penny a kiss; a penny a hug
Sunset's lying in pool of blood tonight
Chorus 2
It ain't bright; heading where the sun don't shine
It ain't right; but it happens all the time
It ain't bright; heading where the sun don't shine
It ain't right; how it all can change overnight
Where the sun don't shine
An oath to remember the tears she shed
A prayer for the living; a prayer for the dead
The sun's gonna rise on a daughter's empty bed
Counting stars in the sky till dawn
Day and night they keep the porch light on
Cause there ain't no sunshine when she's gone
chorus 2
No she, she was no angel
But she had what it takes to make a halo
chorus 2
I like it. Well done. I wondered how you would use hosepipe
Hi James
Nice work. Moody and thoughtful and full of arresting images. Loved this couplet:
A pinup girl in a pickup truck
A penny a kiss; a penny a hug
Right before that, the introduction (and subsequent disappearance) of the first person narrative is intriguing:
Nothing I can say or do is gonna make it right
Still trying to decide whether or not it works for me. But that's a good thing to be thinking about.
Looking forward to more.
Peace
Hi MrEWorm,
I wondered how you would use hosepipe
Yes, it was a tricky bunch of words to make work. :shock: Thanks for the listen and feedback :D
Hi Dave,
Still trying to decide whether or not it works for me. But that's a good thing to be thinking about.
An alternative line could be:
Nothing said or done is gonna make it right
or
Nothing said or done can make it right
...but those lines seem to come off as distant and disengaging the listener.....
....for me, the "I" pulled the listener into the story a bit....but it's still ambiguous as to who the "I" is.....I was trying to connect with the idea of knowing someone is in a bad situation but feeling helpless as to how to help or someone working through the regret of saying or wondering.....was there something that could have been done to avoid a tragedy?.....hind sight is 20/20 but the time to make "blind" choices or "educated guesses" or "hunches/gut instinct" had passed.
Thanks for the listen and feedback :D
James
James,
I love the "hosepipe" line and also the couplet David mentioned.
Although I admire your eagerness to experiment and push the limits
this song is more accessible than your recent stuff.
I suppose that could be seen as just another experiment :D
:note1: :note1: :note1:
John
Hi John,
Although I admire your eagerness to experiment and push the limits
this song is more accessible than you recent stuff.
I suppose that could be seen as just another experiment :D
:lol: :lol: :lol: Indeed it is :wink: Actually, I've notice a bit of a pattern that I tend to go back and forth between acoustic vs. electric/electronic about every other assignment, but yes, I have been spending more time "out there" recently...back to acoustic guitars and accordion tracks with this one :wink:
Thanks for the listen and post :D
James
James
It took me a few reads to understand what was going on in this song but I got there in the end and it all made sense well done. I love the imagery. So I guess my only comment is that if you were performing this one live then your listeners might not understand it immediatley, not nessesarily a bad by the way. Ill have a listen tonight.
cheers
Paul
Hi Paul,
Thanks for the feedback :D
if you were performing this one live then your listeners might not understand it immediatley, not nessesarily a bad by the way
Since you perform regularly, could you share some of your experience regarding how you've introduced your songs?.....tell/don't tell.....explain/don't explain.......and what kind of feedback do you receive between songs with clearer messages or those let more open for interpretation?
James
Hi James,
when I introduce my songs I dont generally elaborate on what they are about I simply give them a name. But thats not always the case. If I think the audience will benefit from some background I might say something, especially if its topical. For example I might say "This song is all about the demise of the workplace cafeteria and what replaced it" when I introduce my "Cafe Culture" song. Or I might complain about there being nothing to watch on TV when I introduce "Mediocrity". In my experience the majority of the audience (pub/bar audiences anyway) arent really listening to the words, its more about the performance. Of course if its a folk club session then I think there is more scrutiny of what your singing. In terms of feedback Ive never really noticed any difference between obscure songs and those with clearer messages.
cheers
Paul
Hi Paul,
Thanks for sharing your insights :D
James
Hi Peter,
Thanks for the listen and post :D
James