Y9W8 Summer

NVM

Hi James

Definitely fun and a pleasure to listen to.

Can't help but wonder whether or not the discussion of "eternal" and "being mortal" aren't a bit out of place. As choices go, they seem to bring the song to a bit of a halt. Of course, that may be precisely the point.

But you could combine the second and third verses, like this:

We wake up some time in the morning
Maybe mid-day afternoon
Soak up her smiles until the stars come out
Eating sunsets with a spoon

When I confess I'm hot and thirsty
She curses me and then she pouts
A wind of change a chill is stirring
She slams the door on her way out

And then use your interlude and variations on the chorus and maybe even play a reprise of the first verse while the original chorus repeats itself. Just a thought.

Nice job as it stands, though! Like it a lot. And, as always, looking forward to more.

Peace

Hi MrEWorm,

Thanks for the listen and post. What does NVM mean? My quick google search said "Nevermind"?
http://www.internetslang.com/NVM.asp

Hi Dave,

Thanks for the critique :D
the discussion of "eternal" and "being mortal" aren't a bit out of place. As choices go, they seem to bring the song to a bit of a halt. Of course, that may be precisely the point.

Yes, that was a bit of the point. Personification of Summer to a "god-like" status....and while human spirits are immortal the human body is mortal until the human spirits shed their "earth suits"......

......so the idea was summer awakens/stirs the eternal soul's feelings....feelings that we were meant for something big/more/purpose...eternal, but the body can't keep up with the spirit and goddess' "playtime". The body gets hot, tired and thirsty....etc.

Thanks for the musical suggestions as well. I'm off for holiday for a few days so I won't be able to get back to my equipment until the end of the week, but I did want to squeeze one out before I left.

James

Hi again, James

Thanks for the clarification. Kind of assumed as much but better to get it first hand. We can discuss this later when you get back.

And speaking of which, hope you have a good vacation. A Happy Christmas to you, your family and friends and please accept my best wishes for a wonderful New Year as well. Travel safely!

Peace

Hi MrEWorm,

Thanks for the listen and post. What does NVM mean? My quick google search said "Nevermind"?
http://www.internetslang.com/NVM.asp

I had made a comment that I hadn't seen any post calling for summer songs. After I posted it, I saw that David had posted the Y9 W8 assignment but under the label of week 7. Then I changed my comment to "nevermind" kind of like Emily Litella.
I am truly impressed that you conceived, wrote and recorded your piece in last than 8 hours. Good tune.

Hi James,

I am also impressed that you put this out so fast. I like how summer is glad to show up but insulted when asked
to leave.

Ernie

Hi Dave,

Thanks for the well wishes. We had a nice trip :D

Hi MrEWorm and Ernie,

Thanks for the listen and encouraging words.
I like how summer is glad to show up but insulted when asked to leave.
I went back to this poem I had come across before as the framework of the story:

In August, Summer demands our attention.
When the evening comes, she refuses to leave.
Being a visitor, she once again wears out her welcome.
By September, we are delirious, thinking that she'll never leave,
But then, she slams the door on her way out.

In October I'll miss her.

http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1009002-Summer
Can't help but wonder whether or not the discussion of "eternal" and "being mortal" aren't a bit out of place.

*POOF Changes made :mrgreen: ***

We wake up some time in the morning
Maybe mid-day afternoon
The dreams we dream are worth exploring
Eating sunsets with a spoon

By now there's no use in pretending
Half-naked sweating in the street
Feels like the fun and games are ending
She says that I can't stand the heat

Feedback?

James

Very impressive.. Very imaginative.. A++ =)

Jim

Thanks, Jim, for the listen and feedback :D