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Year 10 Week 29

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(@nicktorres)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 5468
Topic starter  

Well I'm not sure how this is going to work out, but I thought we'd try to put a song together...well, together

It will work kind of like this, I'll start us off with a hook line, and then whenever you like you add a line to it. Copy the prior lines and paste them into your post so we keep a coherent song going.

Make sure the lines make sense with the ones prior.

Here is the last line of the chorus,

"in dreams that can't come true"

so assume "Dreams that can't come true" is the title.

If someone would do the honors of starting us off.

Good luck and good writing


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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 2852
 

Hi Nick,

This challenge looks very challenging. I'm not sure how much give and take you want to give/allow during the process.

Here are some thoughts on the first line "in dreams that can't come true"

1 It will be hard to sing/hear the difference between "can't come" and "can come"
Suggestion- In dreams that don't/won't come true
or In a dream that won't come true

2 It seems a bit negative, but that doesn't mean it has to change, maybe just a hint towards minor chords.

James

BTW Do you want to keep the feedback running in this post to keep it all in one place?


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(@nicktorres)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 5468
Topic starter  

I hadn't thought about feedback. I was just thinking everyone add a line at this point, maybe one line per verse, until we have a good number of verses. Then we'll see how to edit it down to song length next week.

Let's leave feedback out for the time being and think about it during the editing phase. I don't edit at all until the upchuck of ideas is all out. But, you are right and the chorus line can change completely after we get the text together.


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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 2852
 

Chorus

Line 1
Line 2
I'm not wasting any sleep
In dreams that can't come true

or

Line 1
Line 2
Line 3
I'm not wasting any sleep in dreams that can't come true


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(@davidhodge)
Member Moderator
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 4485
 

Nice suggestions so far, James.

Like Nick, I'm not sure where all this is going to end up either! But my initial thought was to go a little more with the unrequited sentimental way:

Line 1
Line 2
I'll be waiting for you
In dreams that can't come true

I also agree with you that singing "can't" could be very problematic here. Maybe going with "Dreams that never come true" or maybe changing it to a location ("where dreams never come true") might be a way to go.

This should be a very interesting, not to mention ongoing, discussion.

Peace


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(@jamestoffee)
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Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 2852
 

Here is a musical idea for the song:
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11640814
Structure:
Intro
Verse 1
Prechorus

Chorus
Line 1
Line 2
I'm not wasting any sleep
In dreams that can't come true

Verse 2
Prechorus
Chorus
Bridge
Chorus

Hi Dave,

I didn't see your post until I went to post this update. I went down for dinner after I saw the topic posted and told my wife the topic for this week. Her reply to "In dreams that can't come true" was "well then you better wake up!"....that gave me the idea for "I'm not wasting any sleep"

>I also agree with you that singing "can't" could be very problematic here.

I went ahead and tried it, but it turned out like I thought it would.....unclear between can/can't

.....anyway, I'll leave that for my contribution for the week and see what others contribute to or what other direction this experiment takes.

James


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(@alangreen)
Member Moderator
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 5367
 

Now then, now then, guys and gals. How's about this then for a chorus:

You keep tellin' me I'm too deep, and
I don't care for you.
Well I'm not wasting any sleep on
dreams that can't come true

"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk


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(@andygetch)
Reputable Member
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 328
 

You keep tellin' me I'm too deep, and
I don't care for you.
Well I'm not wasting any sleep on
dreams that can't come true

Feel a cool summer breeze giving goosebumps on my skin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1228093


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(@alangreen)
Member Moderator
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 5367
 

Title: Dreams that can't come true

(V) Feel a cool summer breeze giving goosebumps on my skin
Sick of driving, I'm lying on the grass

(C) You keep tellin' me I'm too deep, and
I don't care for you.
Well I'm not wasting any sleep on
dreams that can't come true

"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk


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(@fleaaaaaa)
Honorable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 680
 

I'm tired of living in my mind
and thinking about you,
so I won't waste a second more
On dreams that can't come true

together we stand, divided we fall..........


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 KR2
(@kr2)
Famed Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 2725
 

Maybe because nothing is real
And I can't accept we're through
That it's easier for me to fantasize
In dreams that can't come true

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


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(@nicktorres)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 5468
Topic starter  

okay, how about some more verses?


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 KR2
(@kr2)
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Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 2725
 

Because we don't follow directions too well?

It's a fantasy world I'm living
Rewinding on times we shared
Alone reliving our romance
Hopelessly reality impaired?

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


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(@andygetch)
Reputable Member
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 328
 

(V) Feel a cool summer breeze giving goosebumps on my skin
Sick of driving, I'm lying on the grass
blades reality ends as this fantasy begins
preliving the future or rewriting the past

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1228093


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 KR2
(@kr2)
Famed Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 2725
 

Re:
(V) Feel a cool summer breeze giving goosebumps on my skin
Sick of driving, I'm lying on the grass
blades reality ends as this fantasy begins
preliving the future or rewriting the past

I think the first line is a little too long and parts of it unnecessary.
Goosebumps are a feeling and occur on the skin, so it's not necessary to identify it as a feeling on the skin

So just, (in my opinion, of course)

A cool summer breeze gives goosebumps
Sick of driving, I'm lying on the grass
Reality ends when my fantasy begins
Wishing the future or rewriting the past

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


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