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Year 11 Wk 1 It's Sunday Somewhere

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 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2649
Topic starter  

Week 1 of a new SSG year. A great place for new beginnings.
I hope the protagonist of my song finds one.

It's Sunday Somewhere

It's Sunday somewhere
Beyond these walls
With children playing
In the Parish Hall
And a choir singing
Above The Hills of Time
It's Sunday somewhere
But it's not mine

I've cursed The Father
The Spirit and The Son
Sent to this prison
For the things I've done
And until I've paid for
A life of crime
It's Sunday somewhere
But it's not mine

It's Sunday somewhere
Outside these gates
There's ushers passing
Thier collection plates
The Pastor's preaching
As the Church Bells chime
It's Sunday somewhere
But it's not mine

One day I'll leave from
This lonely place
And I pray my Savior
Will show His Grace
But until that day
When I've done my time
It's Sunday somewhere
But it's not mine

It's Sunday somewhere
Beyond these walls
With children playing
In the Parish Hall
And a choir singing
Above The Hills of Time
It's Sunday somewhere
But it's not mine

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@andygetch)
Reputable Member
Joined: 12 years ago
Posts: 328
 

Interesting take on the assignment, I like it.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1228093


   
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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

Hi John,

It reads well. :D I wouln't mind more information as to what the crime was he's serving time for.

..........and this line......
But it's not mine
consider..........
But not (in) here........as "somewhere" indicates location

Thanks for sharing.

James


   
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(@john-sargent)
Noble Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 946
 

I like the read. I think it's fine that you don't explain where he is or why he's there. The operative idea is that he is not where he wants to be.


   
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(@davidhodge)
Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 4472
 

I like that there's a lot left to the listener's imagination. A "life of crime" gives one a lot to ponder and not knowing the age of the narrator provides even more food for thought.

The third verse:

It's Sunday somewhere
Outside these gates
There's ushers passing
Their collection plates
The Pastor's preaching
As the Church Bells chime
It's Sunday somewhere
But it's not mine

seems a little out of place simply because of the use of "collection plates," which seems a strange thing for the narrator to be fixing on. Not that it doesn't work, it's just odd. Maybe a focus on family, food and friends (as in a Sunday meal) might be more in order:

It's Sunday somewhere
Outside these gates
And families set their tables
With their best Sunday plates
They give thanks for the food
They give thanks for the wine
It's Sunday somewhere
But it's not mine

Just a thought.

By the bye, have to thank you, too, because I'd not heard "Above the Hills of Time" before didn't realize that it used the "Londonderry Air" that melody (which serves as the melody for "Danny Boy" and at least another half-dozen hymns as well). Anyone who knows that already will have more to mull over.

Hope you get to recording this at some point. It's a nice powerful song. Great start for the "new year."

Looking forward to more.

Peace


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2649
Topic starter  

Thanks for the Comments!

James, I agree a little more information may be good thing
but I found I would have to really force it to fit the song.
I'll have to go with with David and leave a bit to the imagination.

Speaking of David. I love your take on the third verse and may
have to credit you as co-writer and use it verbatim.

As for "Above The Hills of Time" I was looking for a Hymn
title to use and Googled a list and once I heard it there was
no turning back. I just fell in love with the song.
The Londonderry Air/Danny Boy connection didn't hurt either.

Thanks again

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@davidhodge)
Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 4472
 

Speaking of David. I love your take on the third verse and may
have to credit you as co-writer and use it verbatim.

Don't want or need a credit (in fact, don't you dare give it to me! i know where you live! :wink: ). Just glad to help. That's why we're all here at the SSG, after all.

Of course, now I'm going to tell you to change the "And" in the third line to "As" and see if you prefer that.

Looking forward to hearing this one, John. Maybe at some local open mic, eh?

Peace


   
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