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Year 3 Week 1 Revis...
 
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Year 3 Week 1 Revision

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Taintedpoet
(@taintedpoet)
Eminent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 27
Topic starter  

The black comforter
You gave to me
keeping me warm
I wanna be free

Faint traces of you
after all this time
tearing and thrashing
my nightmares subside

Im scared and lonely
afraid to breath
loosing my hope
whishing to be free

How could you choose
a life of captivity
Drawn to human shit
to feel rhapsody

You keep pushing me away
and so I will go
I wont talk to you
im not leaving you though

Where are you now
I need you real bad
your true colors show
im loosing...

The black comfortor
you gave to me
is burning burning
setting me free

No words no explination just music


   
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MikeM
(@mikem)
Trusted Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 45
 

I liked it. It flowed nicely until the last verse and a half. I think you could find a better way to express the ending of the song but don't lose the "Free".

"Don't get trapped by the tyranny of four" Rikky Rooksby


   
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