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Year 3 Wk 4 Winter Dance

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 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2649
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Well here I am posting on Sunday morning while waiting for the new assignment. The inspiration for this came from a couple of places. Driving to work and seeing all the hunters parked on the side of the road on opening day of hunting season. Butchering the deer my brother-in-law shot and listening to Native American flute music. I know hunting can be a bit of a controversial subject so I apoligize if this offends anyone. I am not a hunter myself but do support it when done responsibly and the animal is used as a food source.

Winter Dance

the winter is coming
still there will be a great feast
the hunters are in now
they have killed many beast
we'll have hides for our shelter
and to cover our soles
food for our families
as the north wind it blows

so we thank the Great Spirit
for all that he's done
as we huddle together
to wait for the sun
and we'll dream about summer
when the nights not as long
as we comfort our children
with story and song

the winter is coming
still there will be a great feast
the hunters are in now
they have killed many beast
we'll have hides for our shelter
and to cover our soles
food for our families
as the north wind it blows

Celt

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" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1282
 

hey:)

I love the line 'as the north wind blows', really beautiful.
overall this gives me a kind of warm feeling like moving a bit closer to the fire, which is sweet. although I'm not such a supporter of hunting.. well stilllike your song:)
I think 'they have killed many beast' would sound quite nicely just adding 'a': they have killed many a beast........ ?

take care
bluenightangel

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

Nice job Celt....the influences were pretty obvious, though I didn't know about the season's opening day....

If I have one minor criticism...I think the middle verse would have worked better to round the song off, but if you did that you'd have to repeat the first verse twice and I don't see that improving the flow at all... unless you wrote a new second verse....

Good song though, nice rhythm to it....

:) :) :)

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@cheapthrill)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 224
 

hey celt,

great job. very nice with great flow and sentiment. i do have to agree with vic on the fact that verse 2 does sound like it would round out the song nicely. you could add something about the hunt itself as the new second verse.

nice song.

-CheapThrill


   
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(@scratchmonkey)
Honorable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 603
 

Hi Celt,

I like this one very much. I think you've truly captured the spirit of the hunt here, and it works well in an American Indian or contemporary context.

Just a thought, if I may, in the last stanza, I think it would be cool to change lines 6 & 7 to:

"and to comfort our souls,
good food and familes..."

That way, the first stanza is very practical in it's expression of gratitude, and the last stanza is more spritiual / ethereal in it's expression, but they remain very similar in sound and meter.

Just a thought.

-- Scratch 8)

-- Scratch 8)


"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42


   
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