year 4 - Week 6 - "Three Days"

Always a joy to read your stuff, Marv. Some wonderful imagery in there, shadows getting taller, and angry and mean... ghosts of fingers... the pictures tormenting you, all good stuff. The cold spot that used to be a tear, that was good too.
All in all, a very nice ballad. I wouldn't have included the twist, myself, but that's your style, and you worked it in very nicely.

Good song. I loved the imagery and your choice of words. It's been three days
And I may not make it to four. Great line. As for the ending, I liked it. I thought the twist really brought in what you were trying to say throughout the song. Also, it helped me understand the meaning of the song. Good stuff. Keep it up!

Welcome Back Marv,

You always have such a unique spin on things.

The "twist" is a little sick but I like it.

John

Is it weird that I never thought of it as a twist? All of my songs have this same process where i start with some pretty lines and end up wth someone dead by the end. Its like bluegrass.. or Shakespeare. Not that I'm calling myself Shakespeare. Anyway.. Im really wanting to not write dark but that's how it always ends up. I'm a somber sorta guy I guess. I'll try for something lighter next time i get to writing.

-marv

Is it weird that I never thought of it as a twist?
Yup. :P
All of my songs have this same process where i start with some pretty lines and end up wth someone dead by the end.
That's a twist. I think you may not think of it as such, because you've become so familiar with that kind of writing. Like I said initially, that's your style. You know what you expect from certain writers because they typically evolve into a particular, unique style. Steinbeck usually had a twist at the end of his stories, Hemingway was usually mindlessly boring, Dostoevsky was usually very introspective and pensive, etc... In your case, as you said, you usually start out with some pretty lines, and end up with someone dead. It's like you have a camera zoomed in very very tightly on an object that looks like one thing, then you zoom way out and show the audience its something completely other than what you lead them to believe. It's a very clever device, and you use it well. One thing you might consider though, is to try it in reverse next time. Paint a bleak and somber scene, then at the end, show that it's actually something bright and festive.
Its like bluegrass..
ummm.... ok.

Bluegrass is the gangster rap of old.... its got a high character mortality rate.

-marv

Marv,
I'm really wanting to not write dark but that's how it always ends up.

I know what you mean. My wife keeps asking me why I
always write Love Gone Wrong songs.

I don't know ,I guess it easier for me to write if
there's a little tension to convey.

I find that sometimes the song takes on a life of it's own
and I just need to find the words to tell it's story.

John

OOPS! Double posted :oops:

hey marv... great, they all return :wink:

as you say it's "pretty standard" for you to write it's pretty obvious I will like it. and, indeed, I love it, the 'twist' is nice and all the imagery.... I especially like these lines "Its been three days
And I may not make it to four. ", their repitition and how they gain depth/meaning throughout the song.

hoping to read more from you again soon.
cheers,
bluenightangel

This is a unique style you have, but I cant help feeling it would end up as a Muddy Waters type song

Its been three days (Da- da -da- da)
But i can still smell your perfume (Da- da -da- da)
Its drifting down the hallway (Da- da -da- da)
From what used to be our bedroom (Da- da -da- da)

You follow my thinking ? Blues all the way.

I actually started messig around with doing this one blues style... it didnt turn out quite how i wanted it so i scrapped the idea. Oddly i ended up writing a second, and totally different song while playing the blues chords i was trying to use for this one.

-marv

Well....it's about time you got off your jacksey and gave us something to read!!!

Very cool, touch of the Stephen King's or Dean Coontz's about this....and yes I admit, I didn't see it coming!!!!

The one thing I'm not sure about is the repetition at the very end of the last verse....

"So I'm holding the pistol
I found beside you on the floor
Its been three days
And I may not make it to four"....

I was fooling about with some chords earlier, and for some reason this sprang into my head....

So I'm holding the pistol
I found beside you on the floor
To your cold cold heart,
But it doesn't work any more...."

(Ambiguity - leaves the listener in suspense - what doesn't work, the heart or the gun? Or both?)

Just a thought, anyway....still a pretty good job....

:D :D :D

Vic