Not very pleased with this one but I did
manage to write about the oldest profession
and not have to sneak any words by the censor
(I Think?)
Street Walker Blues
She's got the street walker
Street walker blues
Painting on the make-up
Wearing high-heel shoes
Skirt up to you know where
Hair in it's finest do
If you got the money
She'll spend some time on you
She's got the street walker
Street walker blues
She's got the street walker
Street walker blues
You don't need to know her
She'll be anyone you choose
This life will get her nowhere
Feels that it's a joke
She'd love to stop the hookin'
But needs the booze and coke
She's got the street walker
Street walker blues
She's got the street walker
Street walker blues
Your pleasure is her business
She knows a trick or two
And when the deed is over
Go back home to your wife
Just drop her on the corner
Where she spends her empty life
She's got the street walker
Street walker blues
John
John,
Why aren't you pleased with this? I'm new here and haven't seen your previous work, but I think this is great.
Margaret
When my mind is free, you know a melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue, the guitar's comin' through to soothe me ~
John's got the "been writing too many songs at the SSG" syndrome (speaking from personal experience here) in that where we once would be happy to write a song, then a good song, then a great song and then dang us all to the netherworld if we can't come up with an instant classic each week and also about whatever topic Fearless Leader chooses to hand to us!
But this one is a good one, John. Yes, you've done better, but with some minor tweaking this can get higher up on your list. The business and pleasure line is the right way to go. You might want to start with the second verse, which I think can be a little less passive:
She's got the street walker
Street walker blues
Don't need to know her name
She'll be anyone you choose
She will listen to your stories
She will laugh at all your jokes
She will love you and ask nothing more
Than money booze and coke
She's got the street walker
Street walker blues
Looking forward to hearin this one if you get the chance to record it. How's the B. B. King tribute (on Online Jams) coming, by the bye?
Peace
I like this one as well John. Good job.
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
Thanks
It's nice to get some female input on this
one.
David ,
I think your ideas for the second verse are perfect
and triggered some thoughts on the third.
Great insights another thing may be I've been giving
more time to Collaborations and Jams the last couple
of weeks. I may be feeling a little guilty that I'm not
spending more effort on writing and critiquing over here.
As for the Jam it's at wait for the parts to come in stage.
John
OK Tried a rewrite
Street Walker Blues
She's got the street walker
Street walker blues
Painting on the make-up
Wearing her them high-heel shoes
Skirt up to you know where
Hair in it's finest do
If you got the money
She'll spend some time on you
She's got the street walker
Street walker blues
She's got the street walker
Street walker blues
You don't need to know her name
She'll be anyone you choose
She will listen to your stories
Laugh at all your jokes
Love you and ask for nothing more
Than money booze and coke
She's got the street walker
Street walker blues
( Bridge )
Her Mama never held her
Daddy loved her the wrong way
Now she's out here on these streets
Tryin' to drive the blues away
She's got the street walker
Street walker blue
Your pleasure is her business
She's turned a trick or two
When the deed is over
And you're back home with your wife
She'll be workin' that same corner
Where she lives her empty life
She's got the street walker
Street walker blue
I really liked the first one, like the re-write "more better." Not sure why you didn't, other than we're usually harsh on ourselves.
Anyways....here's my $0.02
"Painting on the make-up" -> "Painted on the make-up"
- "painting" makes it look like we're watching her get ready
"She's turned a trick or two" -> "She'll show you a trick or two"
- not sure why about this one, maybe cause I read it wrong the first time
"When the deed is over" -> "When the deal is over"
- drives home the point that it's only business
Feel free to totally disregard the above, all except the first paragraph. Great job and I'd love to actually hear it. Thanks for sharing this.
PORR
I like your suggestions and will keep them in mind.
I've struggled a bit with the trick or two line so
I"m not sure how the final cut will end up the same
with the make-up line.
But deed will be changed to deal that is for sure
Thanks for the input
John
