Year 4 Wk 16 Stephen With MP3

I don't know if this is the kind of song one says they "like." Sad songs say so much. But it's certainly well written and the sentiment comes across. I'll look forward to the music. Good Job.

Hey, I'm a psyche major...

O.k., alright, I'm dead inside too.

but my body still moves :twisted:

Alright, as far as the song goes, I'd expand the concept. From what I can tell, this is a friend of yours who you used to hang out with, then he started to loose it and distance himself from the world. I guess he went to see a doctor, and they gave him meds or something. Then he pursued psychiatry himself, maybe to find his own cure? And his view of the world became sterile from turning the human capabilities into scientific measurements.

After a bit of picking, that's what I could see. If that is right, I'd try to tie his treatment to the fact that he took up the practice, because right now the song jumps dramatically from him receiving treatment, to suddenly him becoming cold from giving treatment.
This could just be me though.

I like it. Keep it up.

I think the word 'psychiatry' is too blunt. Words like 'madness' and 'doctors' achieve the right balance between subtle and revealing. 'Psychiatry' upsets that balance.

That is all I can say.

Hi John,
Well I like this song, I think you've captured what I believe to be the main point. Is the cure worse than the illness? Either way the loss is expressed nicely, well done. When I read the song I didn't get the feeling that he had tried to cure himself although that may have been your meaning.

Cheers
Paul

Thank You All

Part of the reason I posted this without the back story
was I needed to know if I was putting things across
in the right manner. From you responses I would
say I did fair. Saber you are right on up to the point
where you talk about him seeking his own cure.

If anything self medication of psychedelics earlier
contributed to the situation. Steve has been pretty
much a walking zombie for years ( arms stiff by his
side and eyes fixed straight ahead) The few times I've
spoken to him over the years there has been no remote
sign of recognition. I think Pbee is closer to what I was
trying to say.

So I think the bridge needs to be rewritten keeping in what
Martin said about the word Psychiatry. Not only is it too blunt
but it makes it sound as if I'm angry with the profession
Which is only true to the point that I miss my friend.

My working rewrite goes something like:

I remember all those years ago
Your eyes would smile as you laughed
Until their quest to pacify your mind
Blurred their soul on your behalf

I'm trying to work the music out for this but
am having trouble getting my voice and fingers
to do what I'm hearing in my head.

Thanks again

John

i like the song, i like the rewrite, and don't your fingers just piss you off sometimes, i worked out the music for my song with a friend, but what he made it sound like and what i make it sound like are not the same, something to practice eh, nice work, good song.

marty

I agree with everyone else. The message comes through and it does make me feel the emotion. I like the re-write too.

This MP3 didn't come out at all like the song in my head.

I'm not all that pleased with this version but
will post it anyways.

Stephen

I really like the version in my head but so far
I'm the only one who can hear it.

Thanks for your input

John