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Year 4 Wk 46 If I Could Build...

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 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2649
Topic starter  

If I Could Build...

If I could build a time machine
And return to my days with you
I would not change but a single thing
To make the sky more blue

And if I could build a rocket ship
To travel to Heaven's Gate
Could I spend one more day by your side
Or still would I have to wait

Why did you have to leave me so soon
I wasn't ready to let you go
And as I say my last good bye
There is something you need to know

If I could build the perfect bride
With hazel eyes and chestnut hair
She would not mean a thing to me
Because your heart would not be there

And if I could build my life again
It could never be the same
When I can not feel your sweet soft breath
Or hear you call my name

If I could build a time machine...

John

My SoundClick Page

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" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 553
 

Hi John,

I understand the sentiment all too well and you've done a superb job exprssing it. Very nice.
Thank you.

Neil


   
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(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2957
 

hey John

I like this very nice paints great imagery

Music ? What do you have in mind ...?

I'm thinking maybe something different John some dirty distaughted chords ??

Hilch

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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(@pierson)
Reputable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 367
 

Darn, you stole my idea! I guess I should have wrote my song earlier. But, I think this topic belongs to you.

Keep it up!

There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2649
Topic starter  

Thank You All,

This was a rather fast write. I was waiting for my daughter to
stop by so I could help her with something and started to write
to kill time. After running out with her I came back and finished.

As far as music goes I haven't been able to come up with
anything yet. The problem seems to be is I'm hearing this as
a piano piece and I don't play piano.

Oh well :?

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

Hi John,

yes this is nice, but I can't let you off that easy :D .
If I could build a time machine
And return to my days with you
I would not change but a single thing
To make the sky more blue

For me this line is slightly out of context, You start talking about time and not changing things then all of a sudden we're talking about the sky, I know the point is, how can you change something thats perfect already, but I feel that that senitment can be expressed in a way that is more in context of the other three lines. Anyway just my opinion, this is a nice song

cheers

Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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(@sygil)
Active Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 7
 

Man, I read this, and I could here this totaly done similiar to Planet P Projects stuff.
Tony Carey: http://www.truebeliever.de/ (also the keyboardist for Rainbow) had a great hit on MTV with the song "Why Me".
from Wikipedia: "Planet P Project was a science-fiction themed progressive rock band"

When I read the Time Machine aspect and then the "build a bride" angle, to me this was totaly Sci-Fi.


   
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 Bob
(@bob)
Noble Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 908
 

Hi Celt

Nice piece - really well written. Certainly along the lines of where I was expecting people to take the assignment.

As soon as you said piano I could hear it an Elton John kind of 'Your song' style.

Good stuff

Bob :wink:

My Soundclick Page

You are what you eat, eat well


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2649
Topic starter  

Wow,

A gerat deal of food for thought in all your comments.
Should I play up the Sci-Fi angle make some minor lyrical
changes I would not change a single thing
Or make the sky more blue or try to find a pianist
to be my Elton?(Hmm Rocket Man?)

Thank you all I may be able to make a song out of this yet.

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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