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Year 5 Week 51 Annies Couch (Chris C/ Raystack)/MP3 Added

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 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2649
Topic starter  

This is actually my second attempt at a song for this title.
( I guess it just got into my head for some reason)

I think the last verse could use some help :?

Annie's Couch - ( Title - Chris C Chorus - Raystack)

I had just returned from
A place I should not have been
And she was not my lover
But much more than a friend
She had this beat up sofa
Colored gold and red
And for a little while
That's where I laid my head

She'd be singing in the bathroom
with our dinner on the stove
those homey Winter evenings
were the ones I really loved
and later by the fire
I'll leave you with no doubt
the best of times, the best of mine
were there on Annie's couch

She was somewhat older
But somehow still naive
And the horrors of this soldier
She could not quite believe
But she held me through my torment
And helped me face my fear
When all I had to give her
Was a smile and a tear

She'd be singing in the bathroom
with our dinner on the stove
those homey Winter evenings
were the ones I really loved
and later by the fire
I'll leave you with no doubt
the best of times, the best of mine
were there on Annie's couch

We lost touch several years ago
She married and moved away
And then I heard her name again
From an old friend yesterday
He said the cancer took hear quickly
And she left something for me to see
A picture of a beat up sofa
And on it sat her and me

She'd be singing in the bathroom
with our dinner on the stove
those homey Winter evenings
were the ones I really loved
and later by the fire
I'll leave you with no doubt
the best of times, the best of mine
were there on Annie's couch

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

John,

I can just hear you singing this one, good work. Its just those last few lines of the last verse isnt it ?
We lost touch several years ago
She married and moved away
And then I heard her name again
From an old friend yesterday
He said the cancer took hear quickly
And she left something for me to see
A picture of a beat up sofa
And on it sat her and me
how about something like this:
We lost touch several years ago
She married and moved away
And then I heard her name again
From an old friend yesterday
He said the cancer took hear quickly
For goodbyes, there wasnt time
But she left a picture of that simple couch
A memory, forever in my mind

looking forward to hearing it.

cheers

Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2649
Topic starter  

Its just those last few lines of the last verse isnt it ?

Exactly! Thanks for the input I like what you came up with.

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@katreich)
Prominent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 686
 

Sweet John.

Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.

www.soundclick.com/kathyreichert


   
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(@pearlthekat)
Noble Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 1468
 

this song is GREAT!


   
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(@chris-c)
Famed Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 3454
 

Hi John,

Fantastic song. Great effort! :D

I've been flat out this week (Spring here, so it's my busiest time of year) and I've written nothing for SSG this week.... :cry: But I couldn't resist having a crack at another alternative ending for your song. I really liked your idea that she had treasured the photo over the years (maybe even kept it in her purse) and I also liked the word "me" as the punchline and ending to the song. Perhaps even with a small pause before the ..."me".

Here's my offering:


He said the cancer took her quickly
But she left a gift for me to see
Just a worn and folded photo
Of that sofa, her… and me….

Cheers,

Chris


   
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(@chris-c)
Famed Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 3454
 

Whoops, sorry.. Dang that Quote button..... :evil:
Were the Edit and Quote buttons the other way around on the old forum? Or is it creeping senility again... :(


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2649
Topic starter  

Thanks

I liked Paul's alternate ending and was working on a variation of it.

Now Chris comes up with his and I don't know what to do.

I'm so confused :?

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@slowplay)
Honorable Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 420
 

Hey John,

This is good. Your verses flow seamlessly with the chorus. I would never have suspected collaboration if I hadn't know.

The first verse does a great job of setting up the story, capturing the dynamic of the ambiguous relationship.

Which ending to go with? Maybe post your variation so we can see. Right now my vote is with Chris's fix. Isn't it great that the collaboration hasn't ended yet?

Ice cream is a dish best served cold.


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
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Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2649
Topic starter  

Which ending to go with? Maybe post your variation so we can see. Right now my vote is with Chris's fix. Isn't it great that the collaboration hasn't ended yet?

I'm leaning towards Chris' at the moment

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@raystrack)
Estimable Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 123
 

Great job! I like Paul and Chris' changes. I slightly prefer Paul's words but Chris's seems to scan more easily.

The bit that I thought needed a change was the fear / tear rhyme

But she held me through my torment
And helped me face my fear
When all I had to give her
Was a smile and a tear

here's a suggestion

But she held me through my torment
when the memories came to haunt
soothed away the fevers
she was all that I could want

I've been struggling to write verses this week.

http://www.raystroud.com
http://www.myspace.com/raystroud


   
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(@diatonick)
Active Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 17
 

John,

I can just hear you singing this one, good work. Its just those last few lines of the last verse isnt it ?
We lost touch several years ago
She married and moved away
And then I heard her name again
From an old friend yesterday
He said the cancer took hear quickly
And she left something for me to see
A picture of a beat up sofa
And on it sat her and me
how about something like this:
We lost touch several years ago
She married and moved away
And then I heard her name again
From an old friend yesterday
He said the cancer took hear quickly
For goodbyes, there wasnt time
But she left a picture of that simple couch
A memory, forever in my mind

looking forward to hearing it.

cheers

Paul
Hi Paul,

The addition sounds better and more effective. Nice input.

-diatonick

Free Video Reviews of Guitar Software
http://www.bestguitarsoftware.com


   
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 Bob
(@bob)
Noble Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 908
 

Hi John

This is typical Celt high standards at play. This is a touching story told elegantly and without mawkish sentiment. I like both suggested endings although Chris's would be easier to fit in to the rhythm I had going. Definitely need an MP3 of this one.

Great stuff

Bob :wink:

My Soundclick Page

You are what you eat, eat well


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2649
Topic starter  

Thanks for all suggestions.

I know this is a little late but I've been trying all week to come up with some music for this
and final work out something this afternoon.

There were some request for an MP3 so I through something together.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=436239&songID=5916715

It's not quite a finished work but a rough demo.

I also made some changes in the lyrics and use Chris C's ending

Annie's Couch - ( Title - Chris C Chorus - Raystack)

I had just returned from
A place I should not have been
And she was not my lover
But much more than a friend
She had this beat up sofa
Colored gold and red
And for a little while
That's where I laid my head

She'd be singing in the bathroom
With our dinner on the stove
Those homey Winter evenings
Were the ones that I loved most
And later by the fire
We'd share our tales of doubt
The best of times, the best of mine
Were there on Annie's couch

She was somewhat older
But somehow still naive
And the horrors of this soldier
She could not quite believe
But she held me through my torment
And helped me face my fear
When all I had to give her
Was a smile and a tear

She'd be singing in the bathroom
With our dinner on the stove
Those homey Winter evenings
Were the ones that I loved most
And later by the fire
We'd share our tales of doubt
The best of times, the best of mine
Were there on Annie's couch

We lost touch several years ago
She married and moved away
And then I heard her name again
From an old friend yesterday
He said the cancer took hear quickly
But she left a gift for me to see
A worn and folded photo
Of that sofa, her… and me….

She'd be singing in the bathroom
With our dinner on the stove
Those homey Winter evenings
Were the ones that I loved most
And later by the fire
We'd share our tales of doubt
The best of times, the best of mine
Were there on Annie's couch

Thanks Again

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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