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Year 5 Wk 45 Simplest Of Pleasures

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 Celt
(@celt)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2649
Topic starter  

First of all I'd like to thank Bob for putting me on the spot this week.

I'm not totally satisfied with this but let's run it up the flag pole as they say.

Simplest Of Pleasures

You were the simplest of pleasures
When it was the simplest of times
And the words that you said
Went to my head
Like the fragrance of strawberry wine

The coffee you brewed in the morning
The love that we made every night
And the sound of your voice
Left me no choice
But to believe everything was alright

Then I had to complicate matters
Saying I had to search for my soul
You should have been the rest of my life
I was just to blind to know

Cause you were the simplest of pleasures
When it was the simplest of times
And the words that you said
Went to my head
Like the fragrance of strawberry wine

And when I heard that you found another
I could have laid down and died
If I had the chance
To change circumstance
I could have at least said I tried

How could I be such a fool
How could I leave you behind
How could I ever forsake what we had
I must have been out of my mind

Cause you were the simplest of pleasures
When it was the simplest of times
And the words that you said
Went to my head
Like the fragrance of strawberry wine

Yes you were the simplest of pleasures
When it was the simplest of times
And the words that you said
Went to my head
Like the fragrance of strawberry wine

John

My SoundClick Page

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" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 553
 

Hi John,
You were the simplest of pleasures
When it was the simplest of times

Lovely thought . . . . . well put.

Neil


   
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(@raystrack)
Estimable Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 123
 

I really like this. Sounds like a dreamy waltz time would fit like Tennessee Waltz.

http://www.raystroud.com
http://www.myspace.com/raystroud


   
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(@rocketgirl)
Reputable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 206
 

Hi John!
You should have been the rest of my life

I love that line!

Are you going to post an MP3?

Gwynne.


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
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Posts: 2649
Topic starter  

Thank you
I really like this. Sounds like a dreamy waltz time would fit like Tennessee Waltz.

That's pretty much what I had in mind .

Are you going to post an MP3?

I hope to but life is a little busy right now so it may be a while.

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@davidhodge)
Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 4472
 

Hi John

+1 for the waltz. It's going to sound sweet.

Only suggestion is to make a couple of tweaks here, changing:

Then I had to complicate matters
Saying I had to search for my soul
You should have been the rest of my life
I was just to blind to know

To

Then I had to complicate matters
Going to search for my soul
You should have been the rest of my life
But I was just too blind to know

Looking forward to hearing the music on this.

Peace


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

Hmm, seems everyone's thinking waltz - I was thinking this'd make a nice C&W ballad, possibly with lap steel. (Correct me if I'm wrong, though, aren't waltzes normally in 3/4 time? And isn't a lot of C&W in 3/4 time?)

Lyrically, I don't think this could be improved much - you say you're not totally satisfied John, but maybe a few minor tweaks are all it needs. The only thing I'd change is starting the song with the repeated refrain. Maybe that's just me though - I can't honestly think of one song, off the top of my head, that starts with the chorus.

Anyway, nicely written, I'll look forward to hearing this.

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@davidhodge)
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Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 4472
 

The only thing I'd change is starting the song with the repeated refrain. Maybe that's just me though - I can't honestly think of one song, off the top of my head, that starts with the chorus.

Bye Bye Love
The Continuing Saga of Bungalow Bill
That'll Be The Day

But, as you can tell from my photos - there's nothing on the top of my head... :wink:

Often opening with the chorus, especially if it's very catchy, can keep you from writing an extra verse that isn't as up to par as the other verses. At least that's what I use them for!

Peace


   
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(@raystrack)
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Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 123
 

The only thing I'd change is starting the song with the repeated refrain. Maybe that's just me though - I can't honestly think of one song, off the top of my head, that starts with the chorus.

Bye Bye Love
The Continuing Saga of Bungalow Bill
That'll Be The Day

She Loves You
Can't Buy Me Love
Eleanor Rigby

http://www.raystroud.com
http://www.myspace.com/raystroud


   
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(@chris-c)
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Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 3454
 

Hi John,

Nice song....again.... :) You seem to gave the gift (or rather you've probably put all the work in over the years that's needed to make the good look straightforward...) of writing lyrics that read like songs right off the page. I was humming/singing along almost from the start.

Cheers,

Chris


   
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(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1282
 

hey john.
wow, this gets to me.
... i'm wondering if a certain someone will someday be able to relate to that song :cry:
well, i hope you're recording this soon.
( :oops: ... recording... er.. yes.. i should try that, too)

i like the suggestion of changing "Saying I had to search for my soul" to "Going to search for my soul" (or "leaving to search.."?)..

really like this.
cheers,
straycat.

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
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Topic starter  

... i'm wondering if a certain someone will someday be able to relate to that song :cry:

I hope not,I've had the "Simple Pleasure" of being with my lovely wife for over 30 years.

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" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@straycat)
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(that certain someone.. was not meaning myself, nor you.. in case that was misunderstood :) )

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
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Topic starter  

Straycat,

No, I was taking it that you meant it was autobiographic when it isn't.

Sometimes when I'm writing I see myself more as a novelist than self exploration.

Of course I always hope the emotions ring true.

John

My SoundClick Page

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" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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 Bob
(@bob)
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Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 908
 

Hi John

This is a lovely piece, with a real heartfelt sentiment sticking out strongly. I understand you with the novelist analogy as it's what I tend to do as well.

Seems the line that's creating a lot of discussion is

Saying I had to search for my soul

in the spirit of the assignment (keeping it simple) I'd just say

By searching for my soul

That aside I think it's great as it stands

Bob :wink:

My Soundclick Page

You are what you eat, eat well


   
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