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Year 7, week 1


(@katreich)
Honorable Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 689
Topic starter  

I've been running these lyrics around since David's last assignment, but they came together when I started to think of something to write for this weeks assignment. So I'm combining them into a 2 for 1!
By way of explanation, when my husband and I started dating, almost 10 years ago, I was well over 40 years old and living at my mom's. She is quite the old fashioned girl and did not approve at all of my spending the night at his place. So to keep the peace(and avoid becoming homeless) I'd crawl out of his bed at 2 or 3 am and drive home so I could be in my own little bed by the time mum woke up. Please keep the snarky comments to yourself, and rest assured that after a month or so of this I informed her that I was adult and although she didn't like it, I liked it very much, thank you, and she learned to live with it. (though I did get the silent treatment when I'd roll home on Sunday nights!)

Time For Me To Go

Lying in the dark my head upon your beating heart
We court and spark, don't want to be apart
The outside world tries to keep us in our place
I want to spend the night wrapped up in your embrace
And I should fight to keep the love we know
And as much as I hate leaving you, it's time for me to go.

There are those who think we shouldn't be here now
And I suppose they think we need to take some vow
And we could fight, but is it worth the trauma
They might be right, but I can't take the drama
And I've been told, we'll reap what we now sow
To avoid the confrontation, I guess I'll have to go

All of these interferences
Never seem to cease
Keeping up appearances
Trying to keep the peace

Some day real soon we'll be together come the dawn
Then we can spoon until the dark of night is gone
Until that time, we'll play the game to break the rules
And when you're mine, we'll tell them all that they were fools
But here and now, the moonlight's getting low
And I kiss you goodbye, cause it's time for me to go.

Kathy Reichert
11/4/08
Song page: http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7035989

Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.

www.soundclick.com/kathyreichert


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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 10340
 

By way of explanation, when my husband and I started dating, almost 10 years ago, I was well over 40 years old and living at my mom's. She is quite the old fashioned girl and did not approve at all of my spending the night at his place. So to keep the peace(and avoid becoming homeless) I'd crawl out of his bed at 2 or 3 am and drive home so I could be in my own little bed by the time mum woke up. Please keep the snarky comments to yourself, and rest assured that after a month or so of this I informed her that I was adult and although she didn't like it, I liked it very much, thank you, and she learned to live with it. (though I did get the silent treatment when I'd roll home on Sunday nights!)

Ouch - just a little earlier than that I was living at MY mother's, with an eleven-year-old daughter in tow. #2 marriage had just fell to pieces and I'd just met someone else....and went through exactly the same thing! Strict mother (very old-school Roman Catholic) who didn't approve of my "shenanigans" as she called it....eventually I moved out, and moved in with #3....
but that's a whole other story, probably worthy of a four-part SSG topic!

As for the song....score ten points straight away for the Joni reference! Can't find much to fault - just a couple of redundant words (wrapped UP in your embrace, we'll reap what we NOW sow....) and, I think, one missing word? (Can't touch us IN this special place...)

"Then we can spoon until the dark of night is gone"....now THERE'S a word I haven't heard in a song for years. Almost a throwback to the days of the old crooners, when every song seemed to feature someone who'd spoon by the light of the moon in June, and maybe even swoon!

One little thing....

"Keeping up appearances
Try to keep the peace
All of their inferences
Never seem to cease"

Might work slightly better turned around....

"All those (sly?) inferences,
Never seem to cease,
But we'll keep up appearances,
And try to keep the peace."

(changed the tense of the third line there, as the song's set in the here-and-now...)

Look forward, as always, to hearing.

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


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(@chris-c)
Famed Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 3460
 

Hi Kathy,

Looks like another good one taking shape. I enjoyed the back-story as much as the song... :D

I had almost the same thoughts as Vic about switching those lines and maybe making a small change as he suggested. I also had the same instant time travel at the word "spoon"!

I think there's been a cutlery based revolution in dating imagery since then. Once they used to 'spoon', then they moved on to 'going at it like knives' and now they just save time and go straight to the 'forking'...although my hearing's not as good as it once was... groan....

Looking forward to hearing... ah geez, I should just copy and paste from Vic's posts and be done with it!

Cheers,

Chris


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(@dylanbarrett)
Honorable Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 628
 

Hi Kathy

Sound like you've been a regular on this thread so please excuse the rambling comments of a beginner.

It's a great story and yes, I've been there too!

I'd like to hear the song first before commenting - what chord structure are you going to use?

The only thing I see at the moment is that the title carries through nicely but I would keep up the theme and change the last line of the second verse to "To avoid the confrontation, I guess it's time for me to go"

Hmmm, that's it really Look forward to hearing it.

Rock on!

D 8)

I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!


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(@nicktorres)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 5468
 

I really like the second and third verses. The first doesn't have the same, the same...whatever it is that the second and third do. The thoughts and ideas of the first seem to be hidden in generalities while the second and third just come out and say it.

just my 2 cents


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(@davidhodge)
Member Moderator
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 4485
 

Here's another vote for Vic's "change the bridge around" suggestion.

On the other hand, while I agree with Nick's assessment on the first verse, I'm not certain as how to best set up the scene because you actually do a decent job of it. The first two lines can stay, but maybe a few specifics mixed into the later lines can help:

Lying in the dark my head upon your beating heart
We court and spark, don't want to be apart
The outside world calls me home from this special place
Though I want to spend the night wrapped up in your embrace
Each moment that I'm blessed here with the love we've come to know
I hate myself for leaving you, it's time for me to go.

I'm not really happy with this suggestion, either. But I do think you can make this verse more personal, and in that way make it more universal. I guess what I'm trying to say is that instead of setting a scene, stick the listener right in the middle of it.

Oh, and Dylan, don't be shy about making comments. One of the best ways to make your own writing better is to get involved on the nuts-and-bolts level of writing like this. You won't offend anyone here at the SSG. We're all participating because we want to get better. It's a workshop, not an appreciation society (although that's what we appreciate about it ).

Looking forward to hearing this one at some point soon.

Peace


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(@katreich)
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Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 689
Topic starter  

Typical guys, don't want to set the mood,create a little romance, just want to jump right in!
I've reversed the bridge, changed a couple of the lyrics and made a mediocre recording.
I just got tired of fighting with the recorder!
The soundclick link is here:

Song page: http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7035989

Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.

www.soundclick.com/kathyreichert


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(@davidhodge)
Member Moderator
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 4485
 

Okay, I take it all back!

I wish my scratch tracks would sound this good. You're sounding more confident with every recording.

Totally understand about the fighting with the recorder, though. Don't even want to get started on that topic.

As always, a pleasure. Looking forward to listening to it in person one day.

Oh, one last idea - might make a great duet...

Peace


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 KR2
(@kr2)
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Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 2725
 

Typical guys, don't want to set the mood,create a little romance, just want to jump right in!

Of course.
Mood? Romance? Why waste time?
Then we can spoon until the light of night is gone . . .
Then we can spoon until the dark of night is gone . . .
But here and now, the moonlight's getting low . . .
But here and now, the moonlight's burning low . . .

Spooooon by the light of the silvery moon . . . . . . nice imagery . . . OK, now it's getting romantic.

OK, Dylan, you've heard it.
Whatta ya think? Isn't she great?

Me? (sighing . . . romantically)
I'm just going to listen to this song again and again and again and again . . . .

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 10340
 

I just got tired of fighting with the recorder!

Sounds like you won to me.....:D

The vocal delivery's strong and confident, the guitar accompaniment's spot on - what more do you want! Said it before - you write great songs. Lyrics that people can relate to, melodies that stick in the head, and you put 'em together beautifully. I'd probably still listen to mainstream radio if there was more music like this on.

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


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(@nicktorres)
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Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 5468
 

Typical guy?

Well I did stop listening to it after 45 seconds. I'm going to watch sportscenter now.


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(@katreich)
Honorable Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 689
Topic starter  

Thanks everyone, for the input and the praise.

And Nick, you lasted a whole 45 seconds?

Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.

www.soundclick.com/kathyreichert


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