http://www.8notes.com/jokes/Guitar/
The stereotype of guitar players is changing but here are some views still out there.
The drummer always gets it the worst. He tries so hard.
Peace!
Portamento - The ability to move from a wrong note to the right one without anyone noticing the original mistake.
Harmonics - The buzzing sound that string instruments make.
Impromptu - A carefully worked out composition.
Those were pretty good. I'm still laughing... :D
"Nothing...can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts."
I like to tell drummers they are playing in the wrong key. :D
What's worse, some actually fall for this.
If you know something better than Rock and Roll, I'd like to hear it - Jerry Lee Lewis
:lol: :lol: My favorite was: Q. What does it mean when a guitar player drools out of both sides of his mouth?
A. The stage is level. --the dog
"How do you get a guitar player to play softer? Give him a sheet of music."
hah, so true I couldn't site read a C major scale. Thats something else I shall have to remedy
"Contrary to popular belief, Clapton is NOT God. The prospect that he is God probably had a large hand in driving him to drugs and booze. Thanks everyone."
-Guitar World :lol:
Originally drummer jokes, but in the spirit of things ...
Q: "Whaddaya call a guy who hangs out with musicians?" A: "A guitar player."
Q: "What did the guitar player get on his I.Q. test?" A: "Drool."
-=tension & release=-
A joke I heard from an accordian player:
What is the difference between an accordian and a concertina?
An accordian burns longer!
I wrapped a newspaper ’round my head
So I looked like I was deep
A few more:
Q: What's the difference between a musician and a pizza ?
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: How do you get a drummer off your front step ?
A: Pay for the pizza.
Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter - bass players are never in the light anyway.
Q: How many "deadheads" does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: They don't change it. They just wait for it to burn out
and then they follow it around for 30 years.
Q: What do you call two electric guitarists trying to play in unison?
A: Counterpoint.
Q: What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians?
A: A drummer.
When a singer sings, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any passing eardrums.
If he's good, he knows how to keep it from hurting.
Q: What is the first sign you're halluncinating?
A: Two electric guitar players are playing in tune.
Q: What do you call in "in-tune electric guitar"?
A: An oxymoron.
Q: What is a gentleman ?
A: Someone who knows how to play Heavy Metal Music but doesn't.
Q: What does a Heavy Metal Musician use for birth control ?
A: His personality.
Q - What's the difference between a guitarist and a mutual fund?
A - One matures.
Q - How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune ?
A - Evidently all of them.
Q - What do you throw a drowning guitarist ?
A - His amplifier.
Q - What is the definition of a minor second?
A - Two lead guitarists playing in unision.
Q - Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
A - So the rest of the band can understand them.
Q - How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb ?
A - None...they just steal somebody else's light
Q - What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit ?
A - "Will the defendant please rise ..."
Q - What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
A - He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
I started with nothing - and I've still got most of it left.
Did you know that the word "gullible" is not in any dictionary?
Greybeard's Pages
My Articles & Reviews on GN
Only one I found funny was
Q: What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?
A: Counterpoint.
The drooling one was quite good too lol
LOL! Funny stuff!
:lol:
Dan
"The only way I know that guarantees no mistakes is not to play and that's simply not an option". David Hodge
Q: Did you hear about the heavy metal player who locked his keys in the car?
A: He had to break the window to let the drummer out!
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA 8)
OK that's funny stuff right there.
"I use heavy strings, tune low, play hard and floor it. Floor it, that's a technical term." - SRV
Q: How do you get a drummer off your front step ?
A: Pay for the pizza.
And next time, how about a tip? :x
Bish
"I play live as playing dead is harder than it sounds!"
Q: How do you get a drummer off your front step ?
A: Pay for the pizza.
And next time, how about a tip? :x
Yeah, OK, put more cheese on the pizza
I started with nothing - and I've still got most of it left.
Did you know that the word "gullible" is not in any dictionary?
Greybeard's Pages
My Articles & Reviews on GN
Q: How do you get a drummer off your front step ?
A: Pay for the pizza.
And next time, how about a tip? :x
Yeah, OK, put more cheese on the pizza
This is already about as cheesy as it gets :lol: :lol: :lol:
