Demon whiskey with Neil singing and playing

Barnabus Rock

had to look at this one a few times it keept callin me back hope you dont mind the few libertys that i took with your song
:wink: mystic

If whiskeys Satans' demon
i wont drink from satan's soul
Don't need no demon whiskey
As I walk my life alone

Underneath the stars at night
When the moonlight shines just right
Memories of you dancing in my mined
And all those little things you said
like posit notes in my head

im empty with out you
Now my life feels so messed and screwed
They say your spirit will live forever
But your soul lives on in my heart

suicid may ponder poisoning my mind
Justice for that I just can't find

If whiskeys Satans' demon
i wont drink from satan's soul
Don't need no demon whiskey
As I walk my life alone

Wow Trev mate, I'm so impressed with how far you're getting with your writing!

The only thing that stood out to me a bit was the AABB ryhming scheme in the second verse, it makes it sound a little off I think when rest of the verses don't ryhme. Perhaps if you added another verse like your 3rd one, you could use it as a bridge? Thats what it comes accross to me as suiting.

Pete

hey thanks for the feed back

really appreciate it

Mystic ..I like your libertys especially

If whiskeys Satans' demon
i wont drink from satan's soul

Thats awesome

thanks heaps

I'm thinking 12 bar blues music { this is wot I am learning to play }

After I write a song, I will often go through and pare it down, taking out unnecessary words. Often, the message will remain intact, even without the occaisional "the," "then," "for," etc. Since it's a song and not a poem, you can maintain control over the meter by how you sing it, even when the little words are gone. The words don't have to fill every beat. By cutting out some of the little words, you can have a beat here or there is no word, or you can stretch out a word here or there. I think it kind of opens up a song and gives the lyrics room to breathe. It also adds some interest by adding a little variety in the phrasing from verse to verse.

Here's a little idea if what I mean. Red words are words that could possibly be deleted without changing the meaning. Blue words are shorter words you could use to replace the red word immediately before it.

This may miss the mark with what you have in mind, but try it on and see if any of it fits.

P.S. I know I know, I could stand to remove some words from the disertation above....

Either way, nice lyrics

If whiskeys Satans' demon
Then I'd be Satans' soul
Don't need no demon whiskey
As I walk my life alone

Underneath the stars at night
When the moonlight shines just right
Memories of you enter in my head
And all those little things you said

For I have nothing with out you
Now my life feels so screwed
They say your spirit will live forever
But your soul remains in my heart me

Suicide has entered crossed my mind
Justice for that I just can't find

If whiskeys Satans' demon
Then I'd be Satans' soul
Don't need no demon whiskey
As I walk my life alone

Thanks for the detailed reply Tiger

Currently working on music , so I guess some words may vanish or even some words replaced ...

Cheers

Trevor

the more i read this the more i like it .......waiting to see your rewrite :)

i think this would sound good done in a Charlie Daniels style somthing like:
Devil Went Down to Georgia

good luck on the rewrite
:wink: mystic

Charlie Daniels style somthing like:
Devil Went Down to Georgia :lol: :lol:

I wish I could play something like that ...

I started writting it as a 12 bar blues progession in E ...

um something I can't play yet but getting there v e r y s l o w l y ...

Wow Trev mate, I'm so impressed with how far you're getting with your writing!

The only thing that stood out to me a bit was the AABB ryhming scheme in the second verse, it makes it sound a little off I think when rest of the verses don't ryhme. Perhaps if you added another verse like your 3rd one, you could use it as a bridge? Thats what it comes accross to me as suiting.

Pete
I agree 100% here.

Nice job Trevor.

Here is the final version with the chords Chefie used

Gadd5 Dmadd11/A
If whiskeys Satan's demon
I won't drink from Satan's soul
Don't need no demon whiskey
Gadd5 Cadd5
As I walk through my life alone

Fmaj7+11A Em
Underneath the stars at night
When the moonlight shines just right
Memories of you enter my head
Fmaj7+11A G6
and all those little things you said
Fmaj7 G
Like post it notes in my mind

Gadd5 Dmadd11/A
For I am empty without you
Now my life feels so messed and screwed
They say your spirit will live forever
Gadd5 Cadd5
But I just don't know what to do
Fmaj7 G
your soul remains in my heart

Fmaj7 +11A Em
Suicide has poisoned my mind
Fmaj7+11 Fmaj7 Fadd9/E G
Justice for that I just can't find

If whiskeys Satan's demon
Then I won't drink from Satan's soul
Don't need no demon whiskey
As I walk through my life alone

Don't need no demon whiskey
As I walk my life alone

Don't need no demon whiskey
Don't need no demon whiskey
Don't need no demon whiskey
As I walk through my life alone

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Thank Neil so much

Hi Barnabus :D

I listened to the new version with neil singing i think its starting to go somwear, but still in my opinion i think it needs to be a little more jamming
i wanna here :evil: some fire :twisted: some evil hissing you know were im comin from its almost like the song is screaming to be let free :lol:

anyway I think This song is coming along GREAT

Best of luck
:wink: Mystic

Mysticmoonangel said :

I wanna here some fire some evil hissing you know were im comin from its almost like the song is screaming to be let free

Maybe I should do a electric version for you Mysticmoonangel ....

Now that does have me thinking :?: :?: :?: :?:

I'll see if I can a drum beat for some Rock and Roll and change my persona .....

Might have to get a KISS mask on and stick out my tongue :oops: :oops:

Alice Coopers'"Poison " maybe .....

You mentioned Devil went down to Georgia ..bit hard for me sorry...

LOL... :lol: .. thats great barnabus

now iI think your feeling it........LOL :lol:

:wink: Mystic