Here is another song i wrote, please tell me what you think. :D
Everywhere
I smell it in the air
I bet you know its there
In fact it's everywhere
And it is so unfair
I know how he feels
Cause it's my heart he steals
And it's a need he fills
And it's my heart he unstills
[And it's my heart he kills]
It's getting worse now
I've got to fight it somehow
To us it's so wrong
Why doesn't he fight?
He could end it tonight
But he goes along
I've got to standup for my rights
But he keeps punching out the lights
I know things won't get better tonight
And I won't sleep until daylight(s)
It's gotten worse now
Just look at the pain that it's bringing
I'm caught in the midst of it
Head down and fists swinging
It's us that he wronged
It's himself he didn't fight
I've ended it tonight
And now he goes alone
And now he goes alone
Come'on guys please say something!
it's really good, imo. not revealing all the details is effective, and the imagery is good.
imo:in my opinion
Whats imo?
Thanks for responding! Do you think its clear or that i need to add moe detail?
well, i'd like to get more of the story, but then again, there's always the idea of leaving people wanting more. if you can add more effectively, though, it'll probably be a more powerful story.
