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Flat on the Floor (any help appreciated)


(@guitargeek214)
Eminent Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 41
Topic starter  

Ok this song really needs some work and any advice or tips that you have are GREATLY appreciated :D

(Verse 1)
Tears may dry
But scars remain
Reminding us of yesturday
Feeling lost, feeling betrayed
I think it's time for things to change

(Chorus)
Everything I've gave
I only lost more
Every time I tried
I fell flat on the floor

(Verse 2)
You didn't even notice
You never really cared
All the timesI bled
All the tears I shed
You said that you would have my back
But you never lended me a helping hand


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(@raystrack)
Estimable Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 123
 

(Verse 1)
Tears may dry
But scars remain
Reminding us of yesterday
Feeling lost, feeling betrayed
I think it's time for things to change

(Chorus)
Everything I've gave
I only lost more
Every time I tried
I fell flat on the floor

(Verse 2)
You didn't even notice
You never really cared
All the timesI bled
All the tears I shed
You said that you would have me back
But you never lent me a helping hand

suggested bridge

The way has to be forward
but I face the path alone
the one we walked together
'til that last fork in the road
I just can't face another step
my heart heavy as a stone
drags me down, down til I'm
flat on the floor (/ ground)

I'd be inclined to turn the chorus into a verse and have something with a bit of hope as the chorus.

Good luck anyway

http://www.raystroud.com
http://www.myspace.com/raystroud


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(@guitargeek214)
Eminent Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 41
Topic starter  

Hey I like that bridge a lot and I've thought about using this as a chorus instead. Let me know what you think.

Somehow I'll find the strength to stand
I don't need your helping hand
I'll walk down this road I chose
Standing tall, I'll stand alone


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(@raystrack)
Estimable Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 123
 

I've altered my effort to scan better

The know the way is forward
but I face the path alone
the one we walked together
'til that last fork in the road
I just can't face another step
heart heavy as a stone
dragging me down, down

Someday I'll find the strength to stand
without your helping hand
I'll walk down this road we chose
Standing tall, but walking alone

I prefer the feel of sorrow at the loss of a loved partner to a bitter put-down

http://www.raystroud.com
http://www.myspace.com/raystroud


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(@guitargeek214)
Eminent Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 41
Topic starter  

Yeah thank you I would have to agree :D


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