Scrybe's song for the day. :mrgreen: Smell the fresh scent 8)
Feedback wholly welcomed. And yeah, I know its long. I do try not to. :wink:
Oh, and its in 3/4 or 6/8 time, depending on how tired I am when performing it, lol (it started in 3/4, but I think it ended as a 6/8 tune instead). Edited for typos.
Morning Bell
I remember the tales we were told
We refused to believe them, we'd never get old
Well they call that the gift of the young
To race forward blindly, our eyes on the setting sun
To reject all untested beliefs
We may feel like rough cut diamonds but time is a masterthief
And she'll rob us all in the end
No matter the age, name, or cause we defend
Yeah I'm fully aware I delcared my intent not to ask for this
But wontcha let me grow old I wanna feel the sweet kiss of air on my wrinkled lips
I feel barely alive yet not ready to die and I don't think that I ever will
Just give me enough that my plans don't overspill
The warnings we refused to heed
Laughed them off instead and said "Everyone bleeds"
But each morning bell takes its toll
And I may still be young, ah but I've long had a heavy soul
Felt my way 'round the dark for relief
Yeah I've written papers on the nature of belief
But there's not a lot really to say
And don't ask what there is 'cause it wont matter anyway
Yeah I'm fully aware I declared my intent not to ask for this
But wontcha let me grow old I wanna feel the sweet kiss of air on my wrinkled lips
I feel barely alive yet not ready to die and I don't think that I ever will
Just give me enough that my plans don't overspill
Yeah I remembered them tales we were told
And how we refused to believe them, we'd never get old
When I was stood among the crowd
And refused to believe until they brought the body out
Yeah I stood so long in that crowd
And refused to believe until they brought your body out
I remember the tales we were told
I guess you refused to believe, but now you'll never grow old
You refused to believe, now you'll never grow old
that is pretty good
That's darn good.
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
tanks guys...it was one of those mood-was-right-and-it-sorta-fell-out kind of songs. I've learned to recognise when I'm feeling particularly creative,a nd I try to follow through on such moments, and get a whole or nearly-whole song out of it, if possible.
I've played this a few times since posting it, and I really like it, although I keep forgetting the first two lines after the first chorus, lol. I'm not sure there's anything in it I want to change - maybe the "No matter what age, name or cause you defend" line, which I think is a bit throwaway, but I can live with it if I don't come up with anything better. I hope the overuse of the word 'belief' is justified by how the notion of belief is treated as the song progresses, but let me know if you think that needs tightening up a bit.
Right now, I'm gonna do a Nick and really get to grips on the performance of this one, so I can record it and post the mp3. Like Eric Bibb's song For You, it's one of those ones where the delivery has to be spot-on and interesting to, um, hold things together and get the sentiment right. so I'm gonna be going through, line by line, polishing it and practising.
yep *thumbs up* for sure. its great
i particularly love "Yeah I'm fully aware I delcared my intent not to ask for this"
it gets across the emotion of the song so well
I like this song. Nice imagery. It sort of sums up a mood I've been in lately...mid-life crisis. I've wanted to write a song like this, now I don't have to. I would love to hear music put to this.
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Pat
joefish
SilverBox
"Music so wishes to be heard that it sometimes calls on unlikely characters to give it voice".
Robert Fripp
Looking good Scrybe, I'm looking forward to hearing it. I don't know how tight the line you mentioned is for syllables, but I think it could benefit from a 'the' in there instead of a 'what' - "No matter the age, name or cause you defend" seems to flow a bit better. Dunno, I'm not much good at critique without being able to hear, I tend to get caught up in tiny trivial details. Ahem ;)
