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Pistolo - Working Title

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(@mstrymn)
Active Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 9
Topic starter  

just give me your first impressions, good bad or otherwise....

there's a man who's been living the past year in a foxhole
making deals with god and lucifer alike
he's watched his men, his close friends, lose their life in pursuit
of what looks like just any piece of land
he can't bear to watch his men die tonight
he can't bear to watch his men die tonight

with a pistol in his hand, he draws his last and final breath
and charges deep into that setting sun (beauty of a setting sun?)
half a world away a man is fighting for his own life
in a losing battle in a war that's never won

there's a man who's been living his past 60 years in heaven
on a plot of land in central alabam'
until last year when they buried his true love under pouring skies
and now he sits and stares upon his empty bed
he can't bear to cry himself to sleep tonight
he can't bear to cry himself to sleep tonight

with a pistol in his hand, he draws his last and final breath
and charges deep into that setting sun (beauty of a setting sun?)
half a world away a man is fighting for his own life
in a losing battle in a war that's never won

(c) 2006 mstrymn


   
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(@ghost)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 815
 

Hi mstrymn.

I think it might be wordy, but is a really good song you wrote there.

"If I had a time machine, I'd go back and tell me to practise that bloody guitar!" -Vic Lewis

Everything is 42..... again.


   
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(@mstrymn)
Active Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 9
Topic starter  

i was reading someone else's song on here and was going to mention i thought it was wordy, but i thought back to this song and... yeah, its wordy. i had another verse coming along but i cant seem to make it work right.

hitchhiker fan eh?, did you like the 2005 hitchhiker's movie or just like the books?


   
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(@ghost)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 815
 

"Wordy" was the closest thing to any fault's in your song I could come up with. :D

I saw the movie before I even knew there was a series of books, radio shows, and TV series. I like both since they were wrote by Douglas Adams.

"If I had a time machine, I'd go back and tell me to practise that bloody guitar!" -Vic Lewis

Everything is 42..... again.


   
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(@mstrymn)
Active Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 9
Topic starter  

Well I appreciate the kind word.

And I just got ahold of HG2G in highdef, gotta love it. ;)


   
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