I was wondering if I could get some help with my lyrics. They just started pouring onto the screen but now I wan't to refine them. And arrange them so they flow better. Any advice/feed back would be great.
Wipe a sad tear from your eye
There should be no sad goodbyes
I know I will see you again
It hurts because I don't know when
Sorry for the harmed feelings
The like I had not intended
Only to share how I feel
To find an answer to your absence
It seems I have gone far beyond
I see my words have harmed you
It is true they cut paths un-intended
I know now words can hurt
Where blades cannot touch
Sorry for the harmed feelings
The like I had not intended
Only to share how I feel
To find an answer to your absence
It seems I have gone far beyond
Our worlds are different now
I feel we will never meet
I have called and I've visited
Only to end with a quiet phone
And standing on an empty porch
I am addicted to the guitar, just like I am addicted to air and water.
Wipe a sad tear from your eye
There should be no sad goodbyes (Why the sad goodbye?)<--Noone ever thinks to put a question in a song. If you've run out of options, turning a line into a question can be an excellent out.
I know I will see you again
It hurts because I don't know when (The pains from not knowing when)
Sorry for the harmed feelings (Sorry to make you cry)
The like I had not intended (I had not intended the like)
Only to share how I feel <---Your on your own with these. Not sure where you wanna go.
To find an answer to your absence
It seems I have gone far beyond
I see my words have harmed you
It is true they cut paths un-intended (I never knew they could cut)
I know now words can hurt (Deeper then a blade)
Where blades cannot touch (Could ever hope to touch) *The great thing about writing songs is theres much more leneancy in ryming then there is in peotry. Because "cut" and "touch" both have the "uuh" sound, your can stress that sylabal verbally in a song and make them sound fine together. Try to look for those on top of traditionally ryming words.*
Sorry for the harmed feelings
The like I had not intended
Only to share how I feel
To find an answer to your absence
It seems I have gone far beyond
Our worlds are different now
I feel we will never meet
I have called and I've visited
Only to end with a quiet phone <--You will have to take out the concept of visited out for this to work.
And standing on an empty porch
For the last stanza I'd use the words "call", since you have it as one of your leading themes and add the word "wall" to your imagery of being distraught and whatever.
Good luck :D
"Like the coldest winter chill. Heaven beside you. Hell within." -Jerry Cantrell
Well, I tihnk you need to work out whether you're going to have a rhyming patten (like you've got in the first verse) or not, and whether it's going to be five lines or four lines in the verse. Otherwise:
"Sorry for the harmed feelings
The like I had not intended "
How about something less bulky?
Sorry that I hurt you
I didn't mean to do it/ that
"It seems I have gone far beyond "
Where's this one going? At the moment it's sitting there on its own. Either add another line to finish it off or keep it for another song.
Overall, it's got potential and won't need much to tidy it up. How are we meant to be reading it? Slow, fast, punk, ballad, death metal?
Best,
A :-)
"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk
Sorry for the harmed feelings
The like I had not intended (it was not my intent)
Only to share how I feel
To find an answer to your absence (and find out why your absent)
It seems I have gone far beyond
Our worlds are different now
I feel we will never meet
I have called and I've visited (come by)
Only to end with a quiet phone (but it ends with a quiet phone)
And standing on an empty porch (standing on a (the) porch alone
hope this helps..cooker
You can sleep when you`re dead!
"and baby all you need...is just a little more love"
forget about your lyrics for a minute.
Get a big sheet of blank paper. In the middle draw a big circle and write out what you main idea is. Now starting at the top make a circle at 12 o'clock and put in what verse 1 is about, do the same at 3 o'clock for verse 2 and 9 o'clock for verse three. At the six o'clock position leave the circle blank.
Now start jotting down your feelings, observations, the lines you wrote, etc. Put in things you noticed that don't fit in like clocks, or the ambulance screaming past, or an alarm clock or church steeple chiming out the hour. Fill that whole sheet with doodles. Draw lines to connect ideas. Bold lines that stick out, words you like. Make arrows, scribble.
When you are done put it down for a bit and take a break.
When you come back get a blank sheet and start rewriting your verses so that they follow the main idea in the center and the flow from verse 1 to 2 to 3. Don't worry about making it all work yet.
Now when a line sticks out at you as super cool, stick it in the chorus circle.
Writing a lyric is a building exercise. I can help you make it fit a form, but I can't make it yours. :D
Try this article, Songwriting for Beginners, (btw It's now in three languages and used in a college course believe it or not :) )
https://www.guitarnoise.com/lessons/songwriting-for-beginners/
and the follow up is linked there somewhere, Songwriting for intermediates
